[carol]

Saying 'we were all normal except one gay guy' reminds me of the infamous quote from the former Los Angeles police chief. When asked why the great majority of those who died in police choke holds were Black, he said it was because the blood vessels on Black people's necks don't open up as readily as they do in 'normal people'. Not surprisingly, LA's African-American community, and many others, were outraged at the concept that being Black is 'abnormal'. Not too different from what this person said about gays.

User Detail :  

Name : carol, City : castro valley, State : CA Country : United States, 

[Sheila]

I feel you need to take a diversity class in racism, genderism, ageism, homophobia, etc. And tell them to knock off the sex talk.

User Detail :  

Name : Sheila, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 50, City : Lake Worth, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Social Worker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Craig]

I am unsure if they are being graphic at work, which is inappropriate regardless of your orientation, or just talking about their lives. I remember, saying at work, 'I saw Titanic last night with my boyfriend, and we both kept saying, 'Drown already! This movie is awful.' A coworker screamed, 'Why does you always have to talk about sex?? I don't care what you do in your bedroom...' I said, 'Uh, I was at a movie theater. And not having sex in it. ' Apparently, even mentioning 'boyfriend' was talking about sex, although talking about spouses and opposite sex significant others was not. Don't hold them to a double standard. Say to yourself, 'If this person were straight, and talking about sex all the time, would they still bug me?' Judge the guys by their character and not on whom they love. Most of my straight friends find that our relationship issues are very similar. If it moves to a point of harrassment, talk to your manager and deal with it, and remember what it feels like.

User Detail :  

Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, 

[Chuck32123]

First of all, although I cannot actually witness the behavior, I would doubt that they stare at you like you would at a woman. (And why do you stare at women? Being straight does not give you the right to ogle.) It's proabably in your mind that they are staring because you have convinced yourself that they are. Besides, have you ever thought that you may just not be all that? I mean, don't think that just because you're a man that every gay man will want you. (You don't think that every straight woman wants you, do you?) Second, that 'repulsion and hatred' that you describe is called 'homophobia.' It's a disorder that's recognized by the APA, an irrational fear. Third, did he really 'scream?' Or did he respond in anger at having been insulted and demeaned, and then you embellish the story to try and make it seem as if he's at fault? It's too bad that 4 years of education didn't teach you that gay women and men have been a part of every culture throughout history, that they have served in--and led--armies valiantly, that they have worked beside others in all sorts of jobs, and much, much more.

User Detail :  

Name : Chuck32123, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States, 

[Beth23191]

Applause to you for trying to better yourself by attempting to explore new ideas. I think that needs to be recognized. I think you know that what you said about excluding the gay guy from the normal crowd was wrong. Tolerance is the key. You can dislike or disapprove of any lifestyle you want - just try to peacefully co-exist.

User Detail :  

Name : Beth23191, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : morristown, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Rob29705]

You say that "this guy has to realize that he's a minority and has to accept his position." Just what is that supposed to mean? That gay people should "know their place" and not speak up when someone makes a rude and bigoted remark? Unacceptable. Being in a minority doesn't mean that you have to tolerate disrespect. Your profile indicates that you're from Israel. I wonder how you'd feel if you heard someone say "all of us were normal, and one was a Jew?"

Homsexuality is a minority characteristic, but that doesn't make it any less "normal" than, say, left-handedness. You say that it's "foolish and delusional for him to think that he can make the mainstream...think that he's the same as we are." That's not the point. You don't have to believe that people are the same as you to believe that they deserve to be treated with consideration and dignity.

User Detail :  

Name : Rob29705, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 32, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Filmmaker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Ronald-V29668]

Tolerance must work both ways. Just as the straight population is to tolerate and accept the gay community, even if they don't agree with gays and lesbians, so also the gay community should welcome those people with whom they don't agree. To my understanding, however, I find that the gay community is ready to lynch anyone who doesn't agree with them. Am I wrong? Disagreement with the gay and lesbian community isn't gay bashing, unless it is rude and crude etc. Can I say that I believe that the Bible teaches that homosexuality is wrong without provoking anyone from the gay community? If I said that I believe that the Bible teaches that evading taxes is a sin, would anyone be provoked? Probably. Tolerance accepts the person, just as Jesus accepted the adulteress. He instructed her to sin no more, but He didn't condemn her.

User Detail :  

Name : Ronald-V29668, Gender : M, Age : 47, City : Edmonton, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[Beth23170]

I agree that its none of your business whether your coworkers are gay. And you should have been slammed for the 'normal' comments, however, Discussion of sex at work is inappropriate, and should be stopped. If any coworkers of mine (gay or straight) were talking about sex and it made me uncomfortable I would consider going to HR. In short, its sexual harassment

User Detail :  

Name : Beth23170, City : anchorage, State : AK Country : United States, 

[Haze]

It's perfectly normal to feel awkward or repulsed around them. Despite what the bleeding hearts want you to believe, not everyone has to like everyone else. We all have certain things that bother us about other people. Don't feel that you are somehow 'bad' or 'wrong' because you dislike homosexuals or the way they may make you feel. It's your perogative. All the politically correct people would have you believe you are a sick person if you don't love each and every person equally. This repression of normal feelings just ends up causing resentment to build inside. You may even be able to convince yourself that you are an evil person because of your natural feelings, which may not even have or, need to have, a rational explanation. But remember your feelings are YOUR FEELINGS and you should never have to justify or defend them, as they are as valid as anyone else's! Just do your best to get along with them in the interest of workplace peace and realize that you and they are different and THAT'S OKAY.

User Detail :  

Name : Haze, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 23, City : Mountain View, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[steven love]

Wow a tough one, Do your co workers come on to you, if not, don't worry about it. there is nothing wrong with a person admiring another person, Consider if you will how many times you look at a woman and how they may feel.I suspect you hope they dont feel wronged by this. you seem to be a decent person. so go with the flow and relax and relize your co-workers are human too!!

User Detail :  

Name : steven love, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 35, City : Stratford, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Chef du cuisine, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Sherri]

You made an interesting contradictory statement, '...I just can't relate to them. I feel uneasy around them...I don't care that they're gay, but it causes me repulsion and hatred...' You DO care, because you are cognizant of their sexual orientation. You think of them, not as men or co-workers or people, but as Openly Gay Men. You've got a filter set up, and everything comes through that filter. This can be very difficult to realize and even harder to deal with. Everyone has their own set of filters, usually so deeply set inside our heads that we think of them as absolutes, never realizing that they are just a set of personal opinions, internal templates -- our paradigm. Your filter is so unconscious that you don't seem to see anything inappropriate in your comment. Again, several people gave you interesting alternatives. I would suggest another, a sort of exercise, adopted from an essay I heard on NPR about rasicm. The essayist suggested replacing the word 'white' with the word 'priviledged' to help ones self realize subtle rasist attitudes. I would suggest the same thing to you. Try replacing the word 'normal' with the word 'priviledged' in your comment. Remember that 'normal' is a very subjective and inprecise word, a word with more baggage than meaning. Of course, that's just one suggestion. It's always difficult to deal with people around whom one is uncomfortable. Yes, I agree you may feel unjustly yelled at, but you also made what can be called, at very best, a thoughtless remark that hit on someone else's sensitivity. An apology wouldn't be a bad idea, and perhaps you could use it to open a dialog with this person, to calmly and nonconfrontationally discuss your discomfort and your desire to make your work environment pleasant for everyone. Sometimes just showing you are aware and respectful of other people's sensitivities and giving them the opportunity to be respectful and aware of yours is the biggest step. At least be courteous, always. Don't listen in on conversations that don't include you. Don't assume meaning or intent in other people's actions without at least politely asking about it. Don't think you have to like someone to treat them with courtesy. And relax. Most gay men I've known are not likely to jump you or otherwise do to you that you do not invite (rather like most people). And try thinking of them as people first, co-workers second, and gay fifth or sixth down the line.

User Detail :  

Name : Sherri, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 35, City : Eustis, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : QA Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[JD31142]

Easy fella, not every gay man wants to sleep with every man they work with.

User Detail :  

Name : JD31142, Sexual Orientation : Gay, City : Arkansas, State : AR Country : United States, 

[Cortney C.]

You stated that you felt that when your co-worker was looking at you, it was in a way that you usually look at women. Do you see now how women view that kind of 'looking up and down' and staring as instrusive and invasive? Just as you didn't welcome those kinds of looks from your co-worker, women don't welcome those kinds of looks from men. I've often heard men say that women should take those kinds of looks as a compliment. Do you take the looks of your co-worker as a compliment? Or do you feel harrassed?

User Detail :  

Name : Cortney C., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Norman, State : OK Country : United States, Occupation : full time student/food services, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

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