[SD]

I totally relate, and at age 35 I can say honestly to you: this too shall pass. I went from feeling like a Martian to being very happy with life, but it took me until I was 30 or so. How did I do it? Maybe my advice will save you a couple of years of feeling the way you do. (1) First important thing: stop masturbating so much! This is hard to stop, but the extra testosterone really helps. Go at least a week between times and you’ll know what I mean. (2) Work out. Getting your body in better shape will help you almost immediately feel more confident and in control of your life. Stop reading this RIGHT NOW and go do 25 push ups!! (3) Get out of your head, man! Focus on the MOMENT. Feel your breathing. Stop now and breathe in slowly, and feel and hear the entire breath come all the way in and all the way out. Try meditation. Try to experience the world as it IS, not as your brain tells you it should be or would have been. (4) Do something uncomfortable… FIRST THING every day. Talk to someone you don’t know. Join an acting group. Ask someone for a quarter. Give someone directions even when they haven’t asked for them. Whatever. (5) When you are around other people, practice MIRRORING. Try to (subtly, now) stand like they’re standing. Breathe like they breathe. Listen with your head tilted just the same as theirs. Don’t be too obvious about it, but just this simple thing will help put them at ease. (6) Get used to yourself. Start an audio diary and talk for 20-30 minutes out loud into it. This is great to get past the Listening-to-myself-and-my-every-word-when-I’m-around-others phase and will help you start being spontaneous. Even if you run out of things to say, keep talking and filling up tape / disk until the clock gives you permission to stop. (7) Stop living for yourself and start living for them. THEY (other people) want you to be comfortable around them. THEY want you to listen to them and be interested in them. Ask questions. Listen to answers and follow up with questions that you will really want the answer to. Listen for clues about their inner selves. THEY always (always!) will want to be around you… IF you are TRULY interested in THEM, but ONLY if you really are, not if you are doing things with a hidden selfish am-I-ok-with-you agenda. The entire focus should be on YOU learning more about THEM and their inner selves and lives. …continued…

User Detail :  

Name : SD, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Spokane, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Software, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[SD]

… cont’d from other post … (8) This one’s hard to explain, but here goes. To get out of your head, try this: center your entire mental ‘self’ at the center of your abdomen, between your bellybutton and your groin area, deep inside your body. It’s easiest to ‘get’ this when you walk across the room. With each step, feel this center of your body and try to identify your ‘self’ with that location in your body. When you move your arms, do so from this ‘center’. When you walk, focus on this ‘center’ and feel all the action of your body emanating from there. When you move your head, feel this center as where ‘you’ are. I know this sounds strange, but don’t knock it til you try it. It’s part of realizing physically that your ‘Center’ or ‘self’ is not just between your ears. Just try it. (9) Pay attention to your ‘STATUS’ as you interact with other people. You can be ‘Low status’, ‘High status’, or you can meet someone on their own. Try different ‘status’ levels out consciously in different situations. For example, go to a convenience store and try to act as if the person behind the counter is WAY higher status than you are. Try to over-do it. Call him ‘Sir’ and shrivel in respect and treat his every word is gold. You are nothing to him! THEN… go to a restaurant and try to be ‘Higher status’ than the waiter. He’s working for you! You tell him what to do! You call the shots! He’s your slave and you are his master! Ok. Now you can control your status, right? (it takes a lot of practice). So, what you SHOULD do in normal life is MEET OTHER PEOPLE at the SAME status level. If someone is acting like your superior, meet him/her at that status level. You are his/her EQUAL and you may not be lower status than him/her. Similarly, if someone acts like they are giving you a higher status, lower yours and meet them there. You are THEIR equal too. (10) DON’T ever think it’s a good thing to think or act like ‘a lot of people’. To think that is to give up your own humanity!! People who think and act like someone else are living a LIE. Be totally honest. If you think something that someone might think is different, so what? They are not you, and they might find it interesting or amusing or whatever. But it’s YOUR INTEGRITY here at stake. You need to find your own feelings and allow them to be true to you. It’s ok. I know this is a lot to take in, but I really understand your question and hope this helps. Remember, all those ‘normal’ people ARE actually pretty boring.

User Detail :  

Name : SD, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Spokane, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Software, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

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