I had my first opposite-sex sex when I was 20. I started having same-sex sex when I was 11. How did I feel? Like I was doing what was expected of me (by parents, friends, society). I was nervous about being able to actually 'do it' because I wasn't really all that interested. I was able to (men are pigs) and ended up getting married to this girl. The mind is a fertile thing - full of imaginary images and memories of fun with male friends - so getting aroused wasn't an issue. And, I didn't identify as 'gay' at that time, even as a closeted gay. I really didn't quite grasp the concept at that point in my life. Only after my divorce did I realize what I was and that I had to take a new course in life.
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Yes, but let me qualify that. The first time I had anal sex, it hurt, but only because I was scared and tense. I've learned to relax and let things happen, so to speak, and the discomfort only lasts a few seconds now.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, A lot of gay men 'prepare' for anal sex - a little warm water goes a long way! Typically, there's not a lot of fecal matter in the rectum all the time, more just before and after the need to go. So, even when it's spur of the moment, there isn't often that much of a problem. Can it get messy? Sure, but I haven't experienced it all that much.
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Rick, you have asked a big question. I am gay, and am comfortable with the position that I was born that way. Why? In grade school, I knew I was different. Didn't know exactly what or why, but something was off. I played some sports, and wasn't picked on at all, but something was off. My Dad was a pretty strong presence in my life. He was a military officer, and was gone a lot in my early life, but by early gradeschool he was around most of the time. My mother was also a strong figure, but not in the 'domineering' sense. My parents openly disparaged gay images and never considered any other options for anyone. My older brother came out gay when I was 14, and he was pretty quickly thrown out of the family. He moved to San Francisco and was no longer loved or accepted. I became sexually active with guys early on. But, hearing about my brother from my parents kept me VERY in the closet. I got a girlfriend in high school as cover. We eventually got married (big mistake). I was born gay. There was never any doubt about what I was and wasn't attracted to. The part I 'learned' was to act hetero and try to live the hetero life. It didn't work because it was never who I was meant to be. As a straight man, did you have to 'learn' to be straight; i.e., did you have to let go of your homosexual leanings and learn to be straight? Probably not, huh? It's the same with us gay folks. Hope this helps!
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I didn't like it either, at first, but it has grown on me. Basically, I get tired of always having to say Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered community - queer seems to cover it all with one simple word. Queer never seemed to carry as much impact as 'fag' and 'homo' to me, but it is all related to what you have been most hounded by in your past. I grew up in El Paso, Texas, and was used to the term 'Mexican.' Now, 20 years later in Dallas, I hear 'Latino,' 'Hispanic,' 'Spanish' and sometimes 'Mexican.' Kind of the same thing. Don't let a word carry too much power - look more at the person using it.
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I think that the reason I don't like dogs around me too much in public is the same reason I don't like kids around me too much in public: Owners/parents. Lazy owners that haven't bothered to train their dogs at all think it's cute to let them run loose in the park, where there are children who might be afraid of dogs, picnics on blankets that the dog is going to get into, etc. I love dogs, but am tired of others assuming that since they have a dog, I must want the slobbery mut in my lap, uninvited. It's the same with people and kids these days in restaurants. The waitstaff, bussers and other customers are not the de facto babysitters. Parents are responsible for their kids, but yet I see them letting toddlers wander off all over the restaurant, out of sight. Disaster waiting to happen. Oh, and if the kid gets hurt due to tripping up a waiter carrying a food tray, guess who gets nailed. Irresponsible owners and parents; same rant!!!
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I agree 100 percent. One of the first things I learned after coming out was to hold eye contact instead of looking away. Most straight men don't keep eye contact - I didn't before I acknowledged my true self. I've learned that eye contact can be a means of identification/acknowledgement, but not always a signal of desire.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Basically it boils down to one simple fact: Men like sex, no matter how it gets done. In my case, I got married at 22 and was able to have sex regularly (not overly passionate, but sex). How? Lights off, visualize other things (guys), etc. Could I still fake it? Not with a woman only, but if the opportunity to do a three-way with a hot couple came up, I'd be in the middle of it. For me, the primary issue became the ability to be committed and work at the relationship. I failed there, because I knew I was living a lie. That was the part that was hard to fake.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Twinks, or twinkies, refer to the teenage gay guys. "Chicken" is a common term for them, also. Some see it as derogatory, and it can be used that way, but the group I hang with includes us old 'queens' and lots of 'twinks,' and we all use the terms with a sense of humor.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, First thing I think of is that because someone, in this case gay men, has different mannerisms they are 'odd.' When I had a wife and moved to the suburbs to start the American dream (nightmare actually), I noticed most of the men scratched their crotches, belched loudly, picked their noses and yelled at their wives. All of this in public! To me, that was different than anything I was used to. It was 'group' behavior to identify them as manly men. Now, I live in the gay neighborhood. I notice the limp wrists on some, the lisps on some, the campiness of some, and really categorize it as a way to belong to the group. We all have out little behaviors that mark us as being part of a certain group. May seem odd to an outsider, but remember, those outsiders are likely to see your behavior as odd also!
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I married a woman at 22, in 1983. Did I know I liked guys? Yes. Did I identify as gay? No. My older brother is gay, and when he came out to the family, he was kicked out of town and despised from then on. With that in mind, I followed a course of action that stayed more within the bounds of my mother's plan for me: Got married, bought a house, started the American dream. It turned into a nightmare, predictably. My wife became hateful and bitter (can't blame her) at my lack of committment and not-so-hot sex drive. Four years later, we divorced. It was cruel to her, and also to me. Why did I do it? It was what my family expected of me; i.e. be straight or be thrown out. Don't discount the societal and familial pressure that is put on kids to be 'normal.' Thank God I had the sense to make sure we didn't have kids.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Yes, at least in Dallas. Jeeps are very popular. I used to own one (before I came out). They are more carefree than cars. Who cares if they're not waxed every month! The doors are off, the top is down and you can see and be seen. You can maintain your tan while driving!
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, In my case, I know I was born homosexual. Have I acted straight, been married to a woman, etc.? Yes, but it wasn't the real me. I chose to allow myself to be who I was born to be when I came out. That was the only choice in the matter.
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I hear this one often at the coffee shop in my gay neighborhood: 'Any guy is gay if you give him a couple of beers...' I believe in the 1 - 10 scale of sexuality, with 1 being straight as an arrow and 10 being queer as a $3 bill. I tend to think there are some that rank as absolutes on either side of the scale, but there are plenty more who float around in the 2-9 category. Why do they think all guys have some gay in them? It helps to rationalize their own gayness as more acceptable or opens up a challenge to try and seduce the unsuspecting. Or perhaps it's because a lot of us grew up 'straight-acting and appearing' in order to survive. So, the likelihood of some guys being gay who put on the absolutely 'straight' front is real. Sure was in my case!
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, You might try little things like figuring out a way to watch 'Will & Grace' with someone you think might be gay. Humor around a subject can sometimes help get someone talking. I know the chat rooms at www.gay.com and planetout are pretty sparse for Montana. I just looked at a map, and you are in the middle of a lot of space! Maybe you'll be heading out of there to go to college in a bigger town? There is a Metropolitan Community Church in Great Falls, but that isn't too close. It is just flat out tough in a small town. I always advise caution, because things can sure get out of hand. Gay-dar is refined by living in the gay neighborhood of a big city. I've found that a lot of it is based on eye contact and subtle responses (smile, wink, raised eyebrow, etc.). Prolonged eye contact with a straight guy, however, isn't good!
User Detail :
Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
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