Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 15 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 21 years, 9 months ago by
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Is homosexuality a choice, or is it something people are born with?
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Name : Yvonne, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 17, City : West Windsor, State : NJ, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma,Given the problems it brings, who would choose it?
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Name : Jerry-S30958, Gender : M, City : New Britain, State : CT, Country : United States,Yvonne, this is an excellant question. If I had had a choice, being a lesbian is the last thing I would have chosen in this society. I’ve been denied jobs, cussed at, physically assaulted; and I mean literally beaten and left for dead, interrogated like a prisoner of war (our great Army), laughed at, denied a place to live, stalked and in general, treated like a piece of dirt by many ‘Americans’ because I am gay. Would any rational person ‘choose’ a life such as this? Also, ask yourself this: Did you ‘choose’ to be a heterosexual? Would you ‘choose’ to be gay? Most straights automically go ‘ick’ when they even consider this question. I go ‘ick’ when I even consider having sex with a man. It’s an automatic reaction that I know I can only love a woman. Having been out of the closet for 10 years, I can now say that I’m damn proud to be a Gay American. But, for many like me, the process has left many scars. Again, thank you for asking this question. Many people still hold this ridiculous notion that sexual orientation is ‘chosen.’ Sexual orientation and sexual behavior are two different things. Behavior is chosen, orientation is an innate part of our psyche.
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Name : Alma31463, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 46, City : Kempner, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,For me, homosexuality was not chosen. I’m not sure if I was born with it, or whether it developed due to the way I was nurtured. It always just seemed more natural. If you try to ask yourself whether you ‘chose’ heterosexuality, you’ll see how problematic these things are to work out. But I don’t really waste much time worrying; I’m happy with the way I am, and feel no more need to question my orientation than a heterosexual person would.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,There is evidence that all animals display homosexual behavior at times (see http://www.newscientist.com/ns/19990807/queercreat.html). It is my belief that we are all ‘bisexual,’ at least potentially, and that culture makes us choose a ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ label. This will be controversial, but it seems that being gay allows a man to get close to women (which is what we want, ultimately) in a non-threatening manner.
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Name : M.K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Education level : Technical School,In my case, I know I was born homosexual. Have I acted straight, been married to a woman, etc.? Yes, but it wasn’t the real me. I chose to allow myself to be who I was born to be when I came out. That was the only choice in the matter.
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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Let’s turn your question around. When did you choose to be heterosexual? What day? How did you weigh the options? When you discussed the choice with your friends and family, what did they say? What kind of research did you do in the library to make your final choice? What finally pushed you into being heterosexual? Do you rethink your choice each day, keeping open the option to become homosexual? Has anyone tried to explain to you that sex with a good woman will cure you of having made the wrong choice? My guess is that you find my questions foolish, perhaps even absurd, probably insulting. Such questions presume that the speaker’s way is the only way to be. Now try another question: Why would anyone choose to be gay? Remember the cost: losing your job, having people refuse to rent to you, being beaten, tortured, even murdered. Having the most sacred relationships in your life mocked and derided. There’s only one reason that in such a world anyone would choose to be gay: Because God made them that way and to live any other way is to live a lie. And truth is better than a lie any day. So, to answer your question, no one in this world has ever chosen to be gay. Here’s what the mother of a gay son has to say: http://www.andrewtobias.com/bkoldcolumns/000504.html.
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Name : Thom24773, Gender : M, Age : 57, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I never had a choice; it was just who I was. Thank you for asking – so many heterosexuals assume the answer is ‘chosen.’
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Name : Matthew, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States,There is a lot of debate on this. I believe people are born straight or gay, and that gay people can no more decide to be straight than straight people can decide to be gay. Why would anyone choose to be homosexual when our society is so biased toward heterosexuality? There are people who sincerely believe gays and lesbians are an abomination against God, etc. Why would someone go through the process of ‘coming out’ and risking alienation from their family and community if they had a choice to be straight?
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Name : Jacqueline-C21023, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : San Jose, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Tendencies may in fact be inborn, but the urge to act on these tendencies is a conscious choice. Humans have many tendencies and drives, many of which are instinctive. What separates humans from other animals is the fact that we are the only creature that is currently proven to have the ability to reason and make decisions. So to answer your question, people may not choose to have homosexual tendencies, but there is certainly a conscious choice made to live and act as a homosexual. Not to equate homosexuality with any of the following, but for example, have you ever felt the compulsion to steal? To become violent? Did you repress those urges or did you act upon them? Society sets norms not to discriminate or repress, but to create a sense of order. Homosexual activity has been recognized by many societies as counter to the concept of marriage and propogation of a society. Biologically, homosexuality serves no purpose- except to possibly limit the offspring of a species. So the bottom line- there is nothing shameful or wrong with disapproving of the activity, but do not condemn the tendencies of the individual.
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Name : Rich, Gender : M, Age : 25, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Technology consulting, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,Consider this: reproduction is genetic. That means there is something in your genetic make up which causes you to be heterosexual. It follows that their is either a lack of, or the addition of genetic information which allows homosexuality to occur. This would make it natural. I’m no geneticist, but this seems to make the most sense to me.
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Name : jimmi, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, City : seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Because I fell in love with a woman I chose to ‘be gay’ – at least in everyone else’s terms. I could ‘be straight’ if I had told her to take a hike and waited for a nice man to come along. But I wouldn’t disrespect love that way. I don’t wonder why I chose this, even though many other people have articulated the hard aspects of being gay. There are difficulties to being in an interracial relationship and in many states interracial marriage was illegal until the sixties. Yet many interracial couples chose to face everything that homosexuals now face in order to marry for love. I wouldn’t question my instincts on this any more than I would have questioned my decision to be in interracial relationships. I chose to be gay because love is worth it.
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Name : AD25136, City : Philadelphia, State : PA, Country : United States,Ok, gay folks, we’ve heard all the ‘I didnt choose, I was born this way tripe’. And to be frank, no one believes it…not even you. Homosexuality is: 1. NOT a lifestyle 2. NOT an unconcious decision 3. NOT something fostered on you by the world Homosexuality is simply a perversion. It is the natural order of male-female relationships perverted to accomodate where you choose to gratify your sexual urges…and I can prove it! If a homosexual chooses to become celibate…is he/she still a homosexual? The answer is no because homosexuality is simply a sex act. If you are not having sex with a member of your same sex, you are no longer a homosexual. Many ask…? Well, if the celibate person still lusts after same sex partners, doesnt that make them a homosexual still? The answer, again, is no. Celibate, by definition, means NO sex. And again since homosexuality is an act and not a state of being, that person can in no way be considered homosexual. This is one of the biggest lies fostered on the gullible public since someone said that AIDS ‘naturally’ gravitated into the straight populace. For years I too just accepted homosexuality as a way of life for some…then I awoke one day and actually started thinking for myself.
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Name : Lynne G., City : Jacksonville, State : FL, Country : United States,I believe that choice has a lot to do with all sexualities. If sexuality were biologically determined and therefore unmalleable, why would so many heterosexuals expend so much energy on maintaining their heterosexuality and anxiously proving that they’re not gay? Most young children are not heterosexual, but are, as Freud said, ‘polymorphously perverse.’ And yet most adults live heterosexual lives. So most people become heterosexual at some point. I think this is because we are taught to be straight. Children are instructed from the earliest ages as to how to engage in ‘appropriate’ gender behavior. Gender-deviant children (that is, children whom others fear may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered) are viciously disciplined–by adults and other children–into normative behavior. As we get older, we are explicitly taught to be heterosexual through TV, magazines, etc. I think most people choose heterosexuality in part because it’s what they’re taught (and the punishment for being gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans are so vicious) and in part because they like heterosexual lifestyles–with all their benefits. So if sexuality is a choice, why would anyone choose to be g/l/b/t? Well, I chose it because lesbianism offers many benefits that suit me well. I like being part of a feminist community of women, I like being free of sexist dynamics in my intimate relationships, I like envisioning myself in the continuum of lesbian history. Of course, I also love intimacy with women. I don’t think I could have chosen never to feel attraction to women, but I definitely could have chosen to maximize any attractions I did/do feel for men and to live a heterosexual lifestyle. I chose to be a lesbian.
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Name : R. B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 31, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I beleive that homosexuality is a choice and that you are not born with it. The people that are homosexual and claim that they were born with it are looking for an excuse to give when they are confronted. Heterosexuals are ‘attracted’ to members of the opposite sex, right? Well, you can’t be born with an attraction to someone that is of the same sex, it’s just not right.
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Name : A.L.C., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, City : Laramie, State : WY, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College,
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