[Samm29437]

To Winston: Since you are not a black woman, how can you speak for them and their experiences? As a young girl, I watched black men – from my mother’s friends and relatives to my own dad – walk out on their families, ‘step out’ on their wives and lie right to the faces of the people they claimed to have loved. As a young adult woman, I have consoled girlfriends as well as myself, who have had everything from mental to physical abuse, been cheated on, lied to, etc. There is probably a pretty solid historical reason for this behavior, but it doesn’t make it right. I believe this is definitely a learned behavior. Black women have absorbed the anger from the elder women around them, and black men have absorbed the emotional distancing behavior from the elder men that they modeled. It is time to get over it and act like adults. Do whatever needs to be done, get counseling, address the anger that you have with adults in your life that caused you pain. Let’s break this negative cycle and deal with it, people.

User Detail :  

Name : Samm29437, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 35, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Mandy]

I am blessed with a large circle of friends who come from diverse backgrounds. Those friends include second-generation South Vietnamese, a Latina, a third-generation German, a Somali, a ‘black’ person, an Inuit, and more; sounds like a Rainbow Coalition, huh? Among each other, we are free to discuss racial differences without fear of offense, although none of us would presume to be non-racist. I have heard other black men complain of being treated harshly by black women, and respectfully by white women. One thing at work may be black women’s evolution, for survival, to be strong and uncompromising. Equally complex is the knowledge that in the United States, many black men live up to negative stereotypes, like being more likely to end up in prison, possess drugs, be murdered or commit murder, create illegitimate children and fail to support them, be unemployed, etc.

I’m sure as a black man, you have have these and other similar stereotypes directed at yourself, whether true or untrue. I am told that black women subscribe to said stereotypes just as frequently as those of other ethnic groups.

Also often true, reinforcing another negative racial stereotype, is the fact that some (many?) white women still believe in being submissive to their male partner, and even that it is normal and acceptable to be devoted (martyr-like, even) to their partner while not holding him to the same high expectations. I do not assert that your personal experiences were shaped by the aforementioned conditioned behaviors, but there is always a possibility.

Another thing to consider, which may surprise you, is that secretly many black sisters feel physically unattractive when compared to the prevailing standard of beauty (just look in a Playboy to verify); they do not want to admit to themselves or others that they have this insecurity; so they display hostility toward men to avoid rejection. It’s ‘I’ll dog him before he can dog me!’ Most black women (that I know) would love to be in a relationship with a black man; they are just afraid to go into it without their defenses up. Even though it is unfair to you, I hope you can understand the other side. I think the fact that you want to understand this whole thing shows that you do not live up to the negative stereotypes. I wish you love and hope you can forgive.

User Detail :  

Name : Mandy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Irish, German, Norwegian!, Religion : Catholic, Age : 25, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : clerical, student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Krystal26307]

It is wrong to stereotype any group of people. There are many black girls who are kind and classy. I don’t know where you have gotten the idea that ALL black girls are selfish, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. Also, when you are in a relationship- a serious relationship, if your partner reacts to you and treats you a certain way, sometimes their problem is how you are treating THEM. If you have only met disrespectful black women, maybe it’s an image of your attitude towards them. Maybe in your subconciousness for some reason, you disrespect and dislike ALL black women, so their attitude towards you is reciprocated. Quite a few black men disrespect and dislike black women- whether it’s their perception that they are rude, lazy, unrefined, or just a bunch of unattractive women. If you are ready to give up on black women for any stereotypical reason, then respectfully I say, that is your business. But do remember, if you do exclude black women because or your false perceptions, you could be missing out on one of the many strong, beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring, considerate black women that are out there. Good luck to you, Krystal

User Detail :  

Name : Krystal26307, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 19, City : denver, State : CO, Country : United States, 

[Robert29737]

I am also African American and middle to upper class, and I cannot stand the way a lot of black women treat their men, which is why I tend to stay away from them. Do not get me wrong, there are plenty of beautiful and considerate young black females out there, but you have to have a keen eye to spot them.

User Detail :  

Name : Robert29737, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, City : Aberdeen, State : MD, Country : United States, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 

[Cee-Cee]

it depends on the black girl. you cant just say all black girls are difficult because that’s not true. that’s like saying all black men are lazy or all black men are gangbangers. if you want a nice black girl then make an effort to find one.

User Detail :  

Name : Cee-Cee, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, 

[AJ]

I think you just talk to the wrong black girls because there are nice ones out there like me. I am always polite and I have manners, and I am always on my best behavior.

User Detail :  

Name : AJ, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 19, City : Folkston, State : GA, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

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