[Jon]

As a black male who has dated white and black girls, I want to know why black girls are so difficult. I have found that most white girls are polite and considerate of their partner's feelings, whereas most black girls tend to be downright rude most of the time. They seem to want everything to go their way while giving very little in return. Is this common, or is this just my perception?

User Detail :  

Name : Jon, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Windsor, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Social class : Upper class, 

[DEE]

THERE A LOT OF VERY NICE, POLITE, AND INTELLIGENT YOUNG BLACK GIRLS. BUT THERE ARE ALSO MILLIONS OF EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT, NICE, POLITE AND BEAUTIFUL AFRICAN AMERICAN LADIES. I THINK YOU ARE LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES IF YOU HAVEN'T MET ANY YET. BUT, I ALSO THINK YOU ARE JUST USED TO THE WHITE GIRLS LETTING YOU HAVE YOUR WAY WITH THEM AND WHEN YOU MEET A NICE AFRICAN AMERICAN LADY, YOU EXPECT THEM TO DO THE SAME AS THE WHITE GIRLS, AND BECAUSE THEY DON'T BOW DOWN TO YOU AND TAKE WHATEVER YOU DISH OUT, YOU CONSIDER THEM TO BE RUDE, SELFISH, AND INCONSIDERATE. I THINK IF YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND BE A BIT MORE CARING TOWARDS THE AFRICAN AMERICAN LADIES, YOU MAY FIND YOUR QUEEN.

User Detail :  

Name : DEE, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, City : LITTLE ROCK, State : AR Country : United States, Occupation : SET UP OPERATOR, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Latoya]

I would have to classify this as a 'new' age-old question. The perception of black women being difficult and hard to please is rampant and without merit. It is very possible you are treating these two groups of women differently and getting the appropriate reaction. I am fortunate in that I don't feel I've ever been mistreated by a man with whom I've chosen to have a relationship - all of whom have been black. If someone insists on taking the relationship to a gutter level, it is your responsibility to stop it. Ultimately, your perception is your reality, and that is the question you should be asking yourself - What is my role in this?

User Detail :  

Name : Latoya, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : Hamilton, State : NA Country : Bermuda, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Toni24161]

Many people perceive black women to have attitudes and wanting to roll their necks and have their hands on their hips, when this is not the case. It is probably just the females you are coming into contact with. However, I do see some of my white female acquaintances being much more submissive with their men, whereas black women tend to hold their partners accountable the majority of the time. Still, your perception is a generalization.

User Detail :  

Name : Toni24161, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 28, City : Largo, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : desktop publishing, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[RhondaOutlaw]

Maybe black girls and women are difficult because of black men's:
1) Lack of care, respect and concern for our physical, mental and emotional well-being (physical, verbal and sexual abuse).
2) Lack of consideration for our communities, urinating in hallways, disposing of empty 40-ounce bottles of beer on the street, loitering and being a general nuisance to the rest of the neighbors.
3) Lack of concern for the lives of black children, fathering children and abandoning them, selling drugs to our children, allowing others to come into our neighborhoods and sell alcohol and cigarettes to our children.
4) Lack of appreciation for our strive for excellence - black men respond with jealousy and envy when we become educated and dramatically increase our salaries.
5) Lack of appreciation for our physical beauty, though this is nothing new - black men have always preferred white women over us.
6) Lack of appreciation for the way we've loved and defended black men, fought every struggle with you, from slavery to the present, and took up the slack financially. We didn't have the luxury of staying at home with our children; we were busy taking care of white folks' children so we could earn a living and keep food on the table.

User Detail :  

Name : RhondaOutlaw, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 41, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Representative, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[G.E. Long]

Maybe you experience these differences between black and white women because you approach/treat them differently. I've seen black males approach black women rudely, in a 'You should be glad I'm speaking to you' manner, and then turn around and treat white women with the utmost of respect. I've dated both black and white males, and the white males treated me considerably better than the black ones. When talking with the white guys, I had an opinion, and they actually listened to it; when I had a bad day, they listened and offered support. When talking with black guys, I'm there only to listen to them talk - a two-way conversation isn't in the cards. And if I dare complain about having a bad day to a black male, more often than not I'm told in a surly tone, 'You make more than I do - what do YOU have to complain about?' Essentially, you get back what you give out. Take a look at how you deal with black women, and that will probably answer your question.

User Detail :  

Name : G.E. Long, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Thai]

All people can be difficult, regardless of race, gender or ethnicity. All white women aren't nice, polite and considerate, and all black women aren't rude and difficult. It isn't fair to generalize based on race. Since you are a black male, I'm sure there are black women in your family, right? Would you consider them rude and difficult?

I feel it is better to look at the individual and not make judgments of a particular race or gender based on your limited experiences with them. Doesn't it upset you when women say 'All men are dogs'? I have dated men of different races and backgrounds, and although there are some unsavory characters out there, I choose not to fault men as a whole for my bad choices. Don't let your misconceptions and bad experiences hinder you from meeting a nice woman. I've found that when forming relationships, it' better to start off with an open mind and clean slate and grow from there. It's only fair to you and the other person.

User Detail :  

Name : Thai, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : African/Latina, Age : 24, City : Annapolis, State : MD Country : United States, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Ife]

Not all black girls are downright rude; you may have encountered a few who have nasty attitudes, but it is unfair to generalize. It is the same as saying all black guys are hoodlums.

User Detail :  

Name : Ife, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 23, City : Miami, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Rhonda-P-O]

To Winston J.: neither you nor Jon addressed the six points I made. These points are valid, and they are hurting us, our children and our communities. Do either of you care? With respect to white and Asian women, I doubt these women experience the six points I made on a daily basis. You said I was quick to get defensive - I was not defensive. In fact, none of the responses from the women were defensive. I am not an 'angry black woman,' but an intelligent, attractive woman and mom with a career and home, and I'm active in my church and community. But I became so afraid of black men and sick of this problem between black men and black women that I have cut off all contact with black: No friendships, no 'relationships,' no nothing - a decision I made six years ago after my son was born. I have to protect him from people and things that can hurt him, and black men can definitely hurt him (and me) via the six points I made. Other sisters have made this choice as well. Men like you and Jon don't care because you don't want black women, anyway. It makes me sad that I've become so afraid of our men that I felt forced to do this. If black men were this afraid of me, it would break my heart.

User Detail :  

Name : Rhonda-P-O, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Winston-J]

I am a black man who has noticed the same phenomenon, and I must say that the responses to your question have done nothing but prove your point. Most of the black women who responded, especially Rhonda, instead of actually answering the question, were quick to get defensive, turning the question around and blaming you for your misfortunes with rude black women. This is typical of the black and Hispanic women I have dated. White and Asian women seem to not have their defense mechanisms and paranoia meters set quite as high. I believe black women who go on preconceptions of how black men are going to treat them become rude and lash out at all men, even the innocent ones. Further, historically, black women have endured double the prejudice in being both black and female, and therefore seem to have twice the anger. They express their anger irrationally and maintain a rude facade in a collateral 'affirmative action'-style effort to regain control for the past.

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Name : Winston-J, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Humanist, City : Pasadena, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[G.E. Long]

If you would bother to actually comprehend the answers, you would see that the majority of black women who answered stated that YOU are responsible and accountable for how people respond to YOU - regardless of color or gender. Is this about true rudeness, or the fact that quite a few black men feel they can act any way they want, and women are supposed to let them, regardless of how selfish, childish or inappropriate the behavior? It's been my experience that white and Asian women feel more pressure to have a mate, and will put up with any/all behaviors in order to get/have one; black and Hispanic women do not feel this pressure, so we are not as likely to just tolerate anything, just to say we have a male in our lives. Black and Hispanic women, on the other hand, usually have had to be accountable and responsible from an early age, which makes us less willing to tolerate anyone who is not. By black males having this tendency to put the blame of failed relationships on the other person - never them - this friction has resulted.

I can't help but think of the ex-husband of one of my cousins, who made an interesting statement when the topic of black/white relationships came up at a family celebration. (His current wife is white, but he continues to attend various family functions, with his children). In being queried about why his relationship with his white wife had lasted longer than with his black one, he stated, 'My white wife lets me get away with, and do irresponsible and selfish things that ____ would not tolerate. When I was with ____, I had to be responsible.' Interesting statement!

User Detail :  

Name : G.E. Long, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jerome-Williams]

I'm in the same boat as you man, and the sister's are DIFFICULT! I'm sick and tired of being blamed for THEIR bad choices in relationships that lead toward THEIR decisions to raise an out of wedlock child because of THEIR choice to be involved with some loser in the first place. And then it's always turned around to be MY fault for EVERYTHING bad that has ever happened in THEIR lives! I to have decided to no longer be the doormat of the angry black female that refuses to take responsibility for THEIR poor judgement and places all THEIR resentment on the shoulders of their black brothers. I too only date white women because I grew too tired of the verbal abuse from my black sisters and chose to be with a kinder and more considerate person, which in this case happens to be white, and I have never been happier. Not to mention that the six conclusions that one black sister came up with, do not even apply to my situation, and never has - I am a well educated, black man with a good job and am very active in my community. When I have a family, I want the child to be my own, and not some other man's child. Because of this, I have been treated badly by my black sisters - and have given up on trying to please them since I find that to be impossible, and way too difficult! Thanks for saying what needed to be said.

User Detail :  

Name : Jerome-Williams, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 32, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Graphic Artist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[RhondaOutlaw]

Another black male who won't address the six points I stated in my response to Winston, i.e. the disrespect, drugs & alcohol, abandoned children, hate for successful black women, etc. Black males won't admit that they are largely responsible for our frustration. And, yes, we are frustrated-we have no tolerance for 'shucking & jiving' and irresponsible behavior-we've had it! If black males were loving, caring, supportive & responsible & accountable, most of us would be quite happy and content. We are the only group of ethnic women who seem to be in very short supply of this type of man. Many of us feel hurt, used, put upon, and unprotected-we practically exist in this world with no male counterpart-we are totally alone. Finally, Vincent B., admit that you prefer women with white skin, thin lips, straight hair, thin noses and who are passive and that you don't like women with dark skin, full lips, kinky hair, broad noses and who are a force to be reckoned with, and who are, in reality, the true success stories in our race.

User Detail :  

Name : RhondaOutlaw, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 41, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Representative, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Opal]

Our mothers and grandmothers had to adopt a harsh attitude to survive, and it was passed down to their children. It takes a lot for a woman to cut her son or husband from a tree and keep on living; to be molested or raped day after day and keep living. The problem black men have with the so-called "black woman's attitude" is in the same vein as the unjustified racism whites had toward other races. Just as I have listened to whites tell me I am not like other black people, I listen to the brothas tell me I am not like other black women. Of course the corporate and upper-middle class brothas will not date me - I am athletic, intelligent, attractive and have a pleasant attitude; however, my nails and hair do not change weekly, and I do not have 150 pair of suits with matching shoes. You know me: I have shoulder-length locks, shun make up, dress casually and sit and listen to you complain about my fellow sistas. I've asked you out but you are afraid of how your corporate world will react to a real sista who loves her natural self.

User Detail :  

Name : Opal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : Baltimore, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : College Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Samm29437]

To Winston: Since you are not a black woman, how can you speak for them and their experiences? As a young girl, I watched black men - from my mother's friends and relatives to my own dad - walk out on their families, 'step out' on their wives and lie right to the faces of the people they claimed to have loved. As a young adult woman, I have consoled girlfriends as well as myself, who have had everything from mental to physical abuse, been cheated on, lied to, etc. There is probably a pretty solid historical reason for this behavior, but it doesn't make it right. I believe this is definitely a learned behavior. Black women have absorbed the anger from the elder women around them, and black men have absorbed the emotional distancing behavior from the elder men that they modeled. It is time to get over it and act like adults. Do whatever needs to be done, get counseling, address the anger that you have with adults in your life that caused you pain. Let's break this negative cycle and deal with it, people.

User Detail :  

Name : Samm29437, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 35, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : Artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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