Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 23 replies, 24 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 3 months ago by
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Charlotte, I am 54 yrs old. I was an experienced guy when I married a virgin. Been around enough to know she was. It took several years to get to a satisfying sexual relationship. I just didn’t rush my wife, but the first time she gave me head, it drove me out of my mind. We now share in mutual masterbation and other exciting things during sex. Just let got and let nature take its course. Curiosity leads the way for a lot of experimentation. Just think, where would this take us, and go with it. The whole desire is to please your mate. So put away your inhibitions by wanting to please your husband. And most of all forget you read the diary. Just consider it a wake up call. Talking about that will only create ill will.
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Name : Jim R, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 54, City : Jacksonville, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : Information Technology, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Upper middle class,Wow, lets see… It’s absolutely a violation of trust. As to why he would write something like that down, I don’t know, but hey, everyone is different. Personally, I keep no records of anything intimate that I do. Now, as far as the sexual acts he’s performed in his past, compared to what you do for him? Believe me, it’s an issue. I’ve been there, and am in fact living it right now! My school years where rather wild, and I did a LOT of things sexually that my wife will not do. We talk about it, but she just won’t do it. She’s got inhibitions that I’ve never been able to help her break. And of course, she won’t see a councelor about them either. So, I have this tremendous sex drive, and this urge to do so many different pleasurable things, and she won’t… Oral sex is very cool. Both giving and receiving. I’m very very curious as to why you don’t do that for him. Just make sure it’s clean, and enjoy teasing him! He’ll love it! You don’t have to swallow, and if you are uncomfortable with swallowing, make sure he knows so he can warn you when he gets close. Just finish him off with your hand, and I garantee he’ll love that too! As others have said, bring it up with him. Try something that’s in the diary some night. Surprise him. Small steps, slow pace, give it a try! There’s so much to a strong sexual relationship, but trying to please your partner is an important step. If you go the extra mile to please him, I garantee he’ll go the extra mile to make it worth your time. 🙂
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Name : Tom24102, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 35, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : I.T, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,ok Charlotte, as far as the diary goes, leave it alone! we have all had amazing sexual experiences and not neccessarily with our current partner (or partners if you’re lucky)!!!my advice (and that is just what it is, advice) get past your oral sex issues and your sexual inhibitions that society has beaten into you your whole life! go to lovers package and buy a book on felatio, buy 101 nights, buy some toys, most womens toys can be used on men as well! you may be surprised to learn that bringing him to climax oraly will probably turn you on more than him! start slow, if he senses reluctance it may turn him off. oh, and lovers package also has a wonderfull rubber whipp! my favorite anyway! my motto- try it once, if you like it do it over and over again. if you don’t like it, you may learn to love it!
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Name : andy, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : in the lifestyle, Disability : some think im mental, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : spiritual, Age : 36, City : seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : finance, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am going to suggest a different course of action. Do discuss the diary with your husband. It obviously bothers you that you ‘violated his trust’. By admitting to him that you read a part of it and asking for forgiveness, you will be more likely to put that behind you without carrying a burden with you. On the other hand, if you can shamelessly lie to your spouse, keep it to yourself. I would also point out that what is in the diary may or may not be true. He would not be the only guy to have consciously or unconsciously embellished a trist. Also, by keeping it after getting married he must have known there was a chance you would come upon it. (not to self: trash that old diary.) As for the sexual acts, you should not do anything you are not comfortable with. Do not assume that your husband will not be sexually satisfied if you can’t play the role as described in the diary. Do talk to him about sex. Gosh, doesn’t the minister/priest/rabbi/etc still give this instruction to all couples when they wed? Make a habit of this. Say, on your aniversary. Men’s desire for sex does attenuate as we age. He might be completely happy. Or not. However, as others have already suggested, ask yourself why you wouldn’t at least try to do whatever it would take to keep him happy in your bed. Would you expect any less from him, either in or out of bed? To not try to satisfy your mate is very cruel. And that cruelty will haunt your relationship. Forever. You both sound like good people so I hope you work it out. Good luck.
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Name : W, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : >40, City : Central, State : NC, Country : United States,You may have misread the situation. His diary entries may be more fantasy than fact. All of us have thoughts that we choose not to share with anyone, and perhaps these are just things that ‘might have been’ under other circumstances. It doesn’t mean they really happened, or even that he wished they had. Would you really want all your fantasies to come true? I really doubt it.
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Name : Jeff, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : introspectist, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,OK, you’ve got an aversion to oral play. But is it just your doing him, or you recieving it, or both? I don’t particularly enjoy getting it, but love to give my wife a good build up and sometimes orgasm with felicio (sp?) Why don’t you begin with the suggestion to your husband that he just get in bed, one night, not say anything (you remain quiet also), and go to it. (Another person, female, above said to do as much.) This will tell you whether or not the process is pleasing for you. I also suggest that you play some soft music while you encounter it the first few times. PS I did this on the first time my wife and I made love, and she had an orgasm! She had never had it done before either, as she was a virgin at the time.
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Name : Michael White, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 55, City : Bedford, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Landlord, freelance artist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,A month ago, while my husband was out of town, I ran across and read several pages of his diary. He details some very graphic sexual encounters he had with women immediately before we began dating about five years ago. I feel ashamed to have violated his trust by reading this material, but I was shocked and can’t get what he wrote out of my mind. (YEAH OKAY, IF YOU’RE GOING TO VIOLATE SOMEONE’S TRUST, EVEN IF IT IS YOUR HUSBANDS, AND ARE AFRAID OF WHAT YOU FIND, YOU DESERVE IT. PRIVATE IS PRIVATE, THAT MEANS, DON’T SNOOP! IF HE WANTS YOU TO SEE WHAT’S IN HIS DIARY, HE’D LET YOU READ IT.) I don’t do the things in bed he obviously wants and enjoyed with these women, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with most of it (mostly oral sex and being tied up). (JUST BECAUSE HE DID IT WITH OTHER WOMEN DOESN’T MEAN HE WANTS IT WITH YOU. HOW CAN YOU ASSUME THAT YOU DON’T DO WHAT HE ‘OBVIOUSLY’ WANTS?) I’ve always thought I pleased him but now I do not know. (AND IF YOU WOULDN’T HAVE READ HIS DIARY, YOU’D STILL THINK THAT BECAUSE HE HASN’T INDICATED DIFFERENT, HAS HE?) Should I tell him that I’ve violated his trust? (UP TO YOU, CONSENSUS HERE IS NO)Do I have a right to feel upset that he shared such intense intimacy with other women, even though it was before we met? (TECHINCALLY, YOU HAVE A ‘RIGHT’ TO FEEL UPSET WHENEVER YOU WANT, ON THE OTHER HAND, THOSE THINGS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU) Do I need to do those things in bed to make my husband happy? (PERHAPS YOU SHOULD ASK !!!HIM!!! SINCE HE’S THE ONE YOU’RE MARRIED TO, NOT ANYONE HERE) I would like to hear from men and women who have some experience in this. Thank you for helping me. (YOUR WELCOME) Here’s the deal. You need to communicate with your husband about how each of you feel about your sex life. No one on here can tell you what he’s going to think, ONLY he can tell you that. Everyone likes different things during sex. And sex is different with different partners, so perhaps he doesn’t mind if you guys don’t perform oral sex, or that there isn’t any rope play, or whatever it is that you do or don’t do. Bottom line, ask HIM what he likes, not people on here.
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Name : J Prado, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 27, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Honestly, one of the most annoying things for me is when a partner of mine is constantly obsessing over whether or not we should be doing things different based on things that have nothing to do with our relationship. For example, if somebody were to find bondage pornography in my room who did not like bondage were to confront me and ask if I wanted them to be like ‘those guys,’ their lack of confidence would turn me off. If he hasn’t asked you to let him tie you up or give him oral sex, don’t obsess over it. Should you feel upset over his intimacy with other women? Depends on what you mean by ‘upset.’ If you mean that uncontrollable feeling of jealousy you get from thinking about him with other women, I’d say no. But don’t hold his prior history against him, focus on how he treats you -now.- Lastly, I don’t think there is any reason you -must- do anything you aren’t comfortable with. I don’t see anything wrong with doing sexual activities that you don’t like as much as your partner in order to please him, but not if it causes you to be uncomfortable.
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Name : Jack19639, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Oshkosh, State : WI, Country : United States, Occupation : Camp Counselor, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,About the fetishes, oral sex is no big deal: I do it in my girlfriend (I love to) and she does on me (she likes it too) – if you don’t like the semen’s taste, talk to him so he doesn’t do it. It isn’t degrading, it’s just another way of having sex. The tieing thing, if it is so important to him, you should talk about it. Because if he discovers a woman who likes to be tied, he will betray you. Research about tieing, you might find it interesting.
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Name : Mr. Bennet, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : BH, State : NA, Country : Brazil, Occupation : Biologist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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