Southern women

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  • #782

    Sandra28310
    Participant
    I have just spent most of the summer at my cousin's place in Tennessee, and the experience prompts a question I don't dare ask my Southern relatives: Why is it that Southern women appear so superficial, over-groomed and manipulative? They seem to center their lives on men and a male-centered culture. It appears they are obsessed with appearances, class distinction and social position, mostly related to the men they can "catch," or have "caught," or know. I've never seen so much hair spray and fingernail polish before. Have the decades of feminist progress entirely skipped the Southeast? At first, I was charmed by the Southern female culture, then disgusted; now I feel extremely sorry for them, and at the same time fascinated. Any explanations for this?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Sandra28310, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Crane, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #32955

    Chris-A
    Participant
    Sadly, you are somewhat correct in your perceptions. Having lived in the Deep South for several years, I can attest to the "male-centered" culture you refer to, and saw with my own eyes the "sugar-coated magnolia" stereotypes with their fussy hairstyles and high heels.

    Definitely, the South is a separate culture from the rest of the United States, and while you'll find occasional feminist and progressive thinking, most of the people I knew were strongly influenced by their regional culture, more so than in other regions of the country. Southern people hold onto a strong sense of history, and perhaps it is that which holds them back from the sweeping cultural change that moves across places such as California. Many Southerners still feel separate from the rest of the country, not to mention resentful over the Civil War. As long as Southern people cling to the past and remain separate from the rest of us, I feel they will not progress culturally. Perhaps sympathy is not the response you should feel, but rather to focus on the fascination. One who has been raised immersed in such a culture is not as oppressed and unhappy as you might think, and the borders in and out of the Southern states are not closed. Simply be glad you don't live there. When they're ready, Southern women can find their own way to progressive lifestyles.

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    Name : Chris-A, Gender : Male, Race : Hispanic, Age : 54, City : Portland, State : OR Country : United States, 
    #26227

    Stacee27912
    Participant
    Good heavens, so many half-truths, stereotypes and misconceptions I hardly know where to begin. Some Southern women do fit the big hair Southern belle stereotype. Some of these women are obsessed with class and marrying well. However, some are simply strong, intelligent and independent women who are comfortable with their femininity, as they choose to express it. For example, I don't think anyone would call former Texas govenor Anne Richards a shy, retiring "little lady." Southerners are aware of the part their region has played in America's past. Most Southerners are not resentful of the Civil War, but we are perhaps more aware of the nuances of the Civil War than Northerners or West Coast people. We recognize and respect the difficult decision made by many Southerners of the era who felt that slavery was repugnant but were hesitant to turn their backs on their family, friends and homeland. Southerners do not necessarily feel isolated from the rest of the United States. Many people from my birthplace, Virginia, for example, feel a great kinship with other East Coast states that fall to the north of the Mason-Dixon line. Many Texans actually feel more affinity with Western states like Arizona and New Mexico than they do with parts of the Deep South. And many residents of big cities feel a kinship with residents of Chicago, Los Angeles or other metropolises. As for not progressing societally as a region, may I remind you that the fight for Civil Rights was waged, in large part, in the South. Many of the "soldiers" for the right in that war were from the South. They did not just travel in for a rally or a march, they lived the struggle day by day. That tradition continues today, as cities such as Houston work to provide opportunities for people from a variety of the world's cultures. I grew up in Richmond, Va., the second capital of the Confederacy. I have lived in Houston since the age of 11. I do not have big hair, bright nail polish or a thick layer of makeup. I define myself by my relationship with God, my family and my profession. I am a DINK (dual income no kids), so by our society's standards, I have a progressive lifestyle. I am proud to be a Southern woman, and I don't care if anyone else likes it or not.

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    Name : Stacee27912, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : TV production, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #19834

    Kristin
    Member
    Please don't categorize all Southern women as superficial and manipulative. You would find the same is true for "some" women in New York. It is unfortunate that we may appear that way, but I believe it is more a behavioral characteristic that has remained a part of the Southern culture. Some may use that Southern belle charm to their advantage and some may be manipulative ... sadly, in East Tennessee a woman such as myself who is single, childless, financially stable and very independent is usually labeled a lesbian. And, no there's absolutely nothnigG wrong with being a lesbian, but since I'm heterosexual, I paint my nails, spray my hair and look for a male companion.

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    Name : Kristin, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 37, City : Knoxville, State : TN Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #25093

    Cheryl S.
    Member
    You are correct in your assumptions that Southern women tend to be more "male centered" than the rest of the country. I think this is a throw-back to the days of the steel magnolias. The women appear so helpless and in need of a man to take care of them, when in fact, they usually end up running the man and the marriage. In fact, many of them begin to call themselves by their husband's name. For example: Mrs. John Doe, as opposed to Mrs. Jane Doe. That surprised me more than anything when I first came to the South. Perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect husband, perfect children, perfect house ... the only thing is, it's really stressful being this perfect, and it really wears on them. Most of the older ones are tired and grumpy and very unforgiving of anyone not as perfect as they feel they are.

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    Name : Cheryl S., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 51, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Technical, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #47579

    Amanda31525
    Participant
    I wonder if the town in Tennessee that left such an impression was called "Pleasantville," because I have never heard of any other town that sounded so much like an old movie. As a person who has lived in cities and towns in the South all of my life, I can say with absolute certainty that there is generally no harbored resentment over the result of the Civil War. Furthermore, most people identify with their state or region of the country before they identify themselves as American. This happens everywhere; that's why our country is called 'United States' and not simply 'America.' Southern women may be a little more proud than their Northern or Western counterparts, and so they may take more pride in their appearance. And they may be a little kinder, and so may be kinder to their males. However, we certainly don't center our lives on men. Perhaps the people you met were all part of the same shallow circle and were an atypical representation?

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    Name : Amanda31525, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, City : New Orleans, State : LA Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 
    #32076

    Jack
    Member
    When I first read this post, I was amused by it. I was in the check out line at the grocery today and I reviewed the articles listed on the front cover of various women's magazines. Almost all the articles had to do with appearance, clothes, or how to snare a man. These were national publications e.g. Cosmopolitan, Allure, Redbook and three others of which I can't remember the names. As the father of a young (22) southern woman ,she graduated from college this month, I can verify that she and her friends care about their appearance but their lives are not centered around men. Being grungy in appearance and wearing combat boots never made it in the Atl suburbs. I don't think she and her friends would consider that to be 'progressive'.

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    Name : Jack, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 54, City : Suwanee, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Professional, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #40139

    Kathryne26650
    Participant
    As a native of Alabama, I assure you that not every female south of Lexington has false nails, frosted hair and a bloodhound-tracker of a nose sniffing out eligible men. It is presumptuous of you to say otherwise. If I visit Youngstown, Ohio, on business and observe that most of the people around me are overweight and coarse-boned, is it reasonable to assert that every Midwesterner or Ohioan is a lazy, big, slob? No, all I know is the folks I saw during my visit weren't attractive, that's all.

    I know loads of strong southern women with great panache, quick minds and a great sense of independence. Sure, they might paint their nails and keep a neat head of hair, but these women are not wrapping their worlds around trapping a man, I assure you. Those sorts of women exist everywhere, wouldn't you agree?

    Gotta run, late for a manicure and a dye job!

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    Name : Kathryne26650, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 29, City : Birmingham, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Software Trainer & Consultant, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #18498

    Charlotte32289
    Participant
    I have to say that the image you present of Southern women is somewhat true, but primarily among the lower classes. I am a Southern woman, as are all of the women in my family. We all (save one) have college degrees and have traveled outside the United States. Most Southern women are quick to anger and take no s--- from men. How we choose to deal with those feelings, however, reflects our social status and upbringing more than some generalized 'Southern' culture. The big hair, fingernails and male manipulation maneuvers are more prevalent in lower-class, less-educated sectors. I must add, though, that many Southern men expect women to behave as you mentioned. Those women unable to 'make it on their own' may be more pressed to act that way. It is not, however, the way that all Southern women act.

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    Name : Charlotte32289, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Presbyterian, City : Charlotte, State : NC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #14386

    Heather
    Member
    I am offended by both the question and the response about women in the South. I am native to Tennessee, and have rarely experienced the type of women that have been described. It bothers me that we STILL cannot move past the stereotypical southern woman. My mom once told a story of her excursions to another state, where they were shocked to find her in shoes. Just as I think we are moving past these ridiculous stereotypes, I am faced with more. 'Why are these kind of women only found in the South?' I don't believe they are. You can go to any state and find these women. No matter where you go, you will find big-haired, men-crazy women. They are NOT centered in the South. Can you honestly tell me that concern for appearances is not occurring in Beverly Hills, NY city, and other plastic surgery capitals? Maybe it's 'classed-up,' but it is still about appearances, social class, and attracting the appropriate member of the opposite sex. Please stop treating us Southerners like we are the new Beverly Hillbilles, all fired up about these new-fangled beauty devices that can rope us a man!

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    Name : Heather, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 24, City : Talbott, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : teacher, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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