Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 25 years ago by
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I am currently in a lesbian relationship and have a very close, loving friendship with another female who is straight. We are demonstrative with each other but not sexual. Others (including our significant others) seem to think I can ‘convert’ her to being a lesbian and have expressed concerns and jealousy over our friendship. Why do others seem to be threatened by our friendship and seem to view it as unacceptable to be openly affectionate with friends?
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Name : LH22911, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,It sounds like your significant others are picking up uncomfortable vibes from you two. Are you and your friend as physically affectionate with your significant others as you are with each other? Do you share private jokes that go over their heads? Do you spend more quality alone-time (coffee, movies, shopping trips) with your friend than with your significant other? If so, you’ve got some work to do. It seems to me that among lesbians and gay men, the best friend/lover boundary can be difficult to draw. Maybe you and your friend should tone down the physicality of your relationship – at least for a while. If you have regular times that you spend with each other, try to set up similar alone-time with your significant other so that she sees you putting time and energy into her. Finally, ask yourself if your significant others are right. Should they be worried?
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Name : Megan-L21929, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,People in our society don’t seem to understand that sexual interest is only one part of a gay relationship, the same as it’s not the only part of a straight relationship. I don’t know why they are so blind. I am a lesbian, formerly straight. My best friend of 37 years needs a hug and someone to hold her when she cries now and again – she’s going through a nasty divorce – and my comforting is in no way sexual. We’re the same Rock of Gibraltar to each other we have always been. But few would understand this. You sound like a mature human being and a good friend. Note: I have never met a lesbian who was ‘converted.’ We don’t recruit – who in good conscience would try to seduce someone into a lifestyle that is so difficult? Trust me on this one, folks – if it’s just life, we’re everywhere because we’re part of society. If you want us for just sex, you won’t find us. We don’t like being used to satisfy prurient curiosity.
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Name : Marilyn, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Native American, Age : 49, City : Sierra Vista, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : customer service, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Whether you are lesbian or straight, when the significant other sees you having a good time with another, that person gets jealous. I think there is a self-esteem issue with the jealous parties. Maybe there just needs to be an affirmation of everyone’s love for each other – and to keep reiterating that playfulness is just that.
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Name : Jacob20981, Gender : M, City : Annapolis, State : MD, Country : United States,I would have to know more about exactly what forms of demonstating your affection for your friend take. I am a straight female and have a close lesbian friend, and we too are affectionate toward each other, which has caused her lover concern, as well as my boyfriend. I see the situation as basically being analogous to a male friend of mine also being affectionate toward me, and tend to treat it similarly. In other words, if your significant other is jealous, you may want to cut back on some actions that may evoke a jealous response. Perhaps those who are threatened may believe that certain boundaries are being crossed, and your affection is looked upon as being flirtatious. If it’s going beyond a hug hello, and a quick kiss on the cheek goodbye, I would opt to agree with those who are concerned. If not, perhaps they are a little paranoid of the situation.
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Name : Liz22552, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 30, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Fashion Designer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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