[Serene28049]

Why are some people more comfortable discussing personal issues in the workplace and not accepting of those who choose not to? Specifically, women who hold an entire office hostage to their personal issues, such as a quest to become pregnant, sexual matters, family problems, etc.? When you are uncomfortable or shy away from such topics, you are then perceived as ‘anti-social or unsympathetic,’ which leads to a belief that you are not a team player or unfriendly. Have others encountered and/or been victimized by such comments and behaviors? How do you combat it?

User Detail :  

Name : Serene28049, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 43, City : Chandler, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Self-employed, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Calm]

I understand your dilemma completely. By choice I work for pretty much exclusively an all-white male company in a predominantly all-white industry – building products/construction. I also moved to a medium-sized city in Georgia. I’m a native Texan. Not only am I the first woman, but the first black in a management position, although I don’t have any direct reports. I was in a high-pressure blue chip corporate environment and decided to simplify and drop salary for a less-stressful work environment so I could focus more on family (just me and my husband at this point). Anyway, I am in what most would call a small ‘redneck’ town, and everybody knows everybody’s business. At first I tried being friendly with everyone, and it was clear they were uncomfortable. I wasn’t telling my business, just talking generalities and ‘nice -ities.’ Clearly you are not in the ‘in’ crowd unless folks know how much money you got, what kind of house you are living in, etc. Bottom line, anyone asking these questions is trying to get in your business. There are all sorts of ways to try to build a friendly relationship with someone without asking personal questions. I prefer to keep my personal business out of my working environment as much as possible. I would not tell anyone at my job – I don’t care how friendly they are – anything I wouldn’t want everybody in the plant knowing about. I socialize within the boundaries of the work, but as far as lunch and outside activities, I choose not to participate. Since I have a full spiritual life with God and my church family, and a rewarding relationship with my husband, I’m not missing much.

User Detail :  

Name : Calm, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Augusta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Amber31553]

Don’t you hate that? I’m betting, though, that for every twit who labels you ‘unsympathetic,’ ‘uncooperative’ or ‘not a team player,’ there’s someone who sympathizes with your predicament but who’s keeping her mouth shut to stay out of it. It depends on how big your office is, but my strategy is to look very busy when these annoying people come by. You can “mhmhh” sympathetically but distractedly before you pick up the phone to make a business call or you can jump in surprise in the middle of her conversation, ‘Ohmygoshiforgottoaskthebosssomething,’ and split.

Why do people do this? I don’t know, but I know it’s not just women. Some are just arrogant; they think they’re the center of the universe and everyone else should think so, too. Some are superficial and look for friends in everyone they see. Some are lonely, and I believe it’s important in a karmic sense to have compassion for these, but after all, you are at work. Why should you be discussing people’s personal lives on work time? Especially if you don’t want to. I’m hoping it’s not the boss ‘labeling’ you and that it’s the twits themselves.

User Detail :  

Name : Amber31553, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 29, City : Barrow, State : AZ, Country : United States, 

[Ebeth]

I am a women and have worked in an office atmosphere for more than 20 years. If you think about the amount of time we spend with co-workers, it seems logical that gossip and ‘personal issues’ are commonplace. We spend more waking, eating and personal time at work than we do at home with our families. So while I may not advocate the whole office concept when it comes to telling of one’s trials and tribulations in the bedroom, if we are honest with ourselves, we have all at one time or another probably found ourselves using an office co-worker as a sounding board.

User Detail :  

Name : Ebeth, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 39, City : Spokane, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Fed worker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Kat Ingersoll]

I deal with this a lot, especially after I got married last month. (‘How’s married life, MRS. INGERSOLL?!’ ‘Same as co-habitating life, f***wit.’) For reference, most of the people I deal with at work are female and get offended when you don’t drop everything you’re doing to chat with them. Part of my strategy of combating this is that I try to look busy all the time, even if it’s just clicking on my mouse and staring purposely at my computer screen or bowing over some important looking papers. When I’m talking on the phone, the only attempt I make at communication is vague hand signals (mostly because I think holding two conversations is extremely rude to the other person on the phone). I also wear black, keep my ‘weirder’ artifacts on my desk (wooden cats, my dragon cake-topper, Puss in Boots doll), and play all kinds of unusual music on my computer, which clues most people into knowing that I’m probably not the type of person that’s into idle chit-chat. When all this fails to deter someone that decides that they are my bestest friend, I decide to give him a taste of their own medicine. Not many people are interested in anime (Japanese cartoons), the martial arts, Luis Royo and Julie Bell (fantasy artists), or Magic: the Gathering (card game). I also read books that are thicker than my arm, so when they start trying to draw me into a discussion about Danielle Steele or Nicholas Sparks, their eyes immediately glaze over as soon as I utter ‘intellectual investment’ or ‘literary magazine.’

User Detail :  

Name : Kat Ingersoll, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 25, City : Burlington, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : Underwriter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dwanny]

I have had this problem too as I am happily single, and chose to be childfree. I try to let it wash over me, but I’m not always successful. I remember one time when my coworkers were griping about their kids. I told them I was going to tape their conversation and the next time they ask me why I don’t have kids, I’ll play it back to them. I’ve also noticed that parents tend to forget that they were once kids, and faced the same situation. Exam:pre-teens caught between childhood and adult hood. They’re being told to grow up, and then the next minute being told they’re not an adult. I feel I can offer advice in this case cause I can see both sides. And since I used to work in a pre dominantly female job, I was surrounded by mothers. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh. I guess I was viewed as anti-social at times. What I really hated was when the pictures of the kids/grandkids came out. I’m not into children, so I felt I was being put on the spot to say something. I’d make them look at pictures of my furry children. When someone brought their new baby to work to show them off, I steered clear. Don’t know how helpful this is, but that’s how I handled it.

User Detail :  

Name : Dwanny, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 53, City : Springtown, State : TX, Country : United States, 

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