[Jayna]

My boyfriend of three months is very lousy in bed. He does not believe in foreplay. I am a very affectionate person and love being caressed and romanced. The first time we had sex it was so awful and loveless that I cried (he doesn't know this). I am very much attracted to him, and we have a great rapport. How do I tell him how I feel? I do not want to hurt his ego.
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User Detail :  

Name : Jayna, Gender : F, City : Miami, State : FL Country : United States, 

[Annette]

The part of your message that jumped out at me was the 'I'm very attracted to him and we have a great rapport'. I would suggest looking at (exactly and specifically) what you are attracted to. Is he physically attractive to you? What are the other attractions? The other part was 'we have a great rapport'. A great rapport to me means this is someone I can talk to and they will feel somewhat safe with my words. To answer the actual question, if all else is somewhat intact: Yes, men can be very defensive regarding their love making abilities. Ideally we could just make a suggestion and it would be 'their pleasure'. I have found this to be true of older, more mature men. For younger (or less mature)men I have said things like, 'I'd like to try something new/different tonight. Could you touch me gently here?', etc. Change the words however you need to to let him know what you want but make it seem like unexplored territory. It's a start. If he is unwilling to 'explore' I would take that as his unspoken message that he does not value our relationship enough to try to please me.

User Detail :  

Name : Annette, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Puerto Rican, Religion : Christian, Age : 41, City : Virginia Beach, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Social Worker, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[ShirleyAvery]

I've had a fair amount of experience with a variety of men over my 30+ sexually active years. I've only been with one guy who wasn't into foreplay. Who needs someone like that? It's either a matter of ignorance or selfishness on the guy's part. If it's ignorance, you need to educate him on the differences between male & female sexuality. If he doesn't care, he's being a selfish macho jerk. the best lovers are those who understand that the greatest pleasure comes from pleasing your partner. In my opinion, the ones who skimp on foreplay are just using a woman to masturbate against. I might add that when a guy does engage in foreplay, let him know, verbally & otherwise, how much you enjoy what he's doing. Move his hand a bit, if necessary or show him what you like. Help him learn what pleases you.

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Name : ShirleyAvery, Gender : F, Disability : none, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : st. louis, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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