Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 41 replies, 42 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 3 months ago by
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NO. In my experience, very few men have the urge to rape. Rape has nothing to do with sex, other than its use as a weapon. Liking porn also has nothing to do with it. I happen to like porn, but I don’t confuse real women with pornstars. It is fantasy. I also fantasize about having the ability to fly, but I’m not about to go jump off a roof.
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Name : Steven P., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 50, City : Alamo, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,OKay, this is a touchy one. I’m sure I’m not the best person to answer this, but then, who is? To answer your question, NO, not all men get the urge to rape. This is a behavior almost exclusively found in men, I believe, due to genetic and hormonal make-up. We’re given testosterone, and a bevy of other chemicals which put aggressive thoughts in our heads. These are the same impulses that make us more competitive (mentally at least) in sports, at home and in the workplace. Men are often frustrated in their attempts to interact with women. Frankly, women can be frustrating, alluring, and confusing all at the same time. Females are especially confusing to teenage boys, partly due to their inexperience, partly to their lack of confidence, and partly to their raging hormones. Put all these factors together in an unstable individual and you get a man who simply wants to have control over these female creatures. He wants domination over them, as they have dominated his thoughts and desires and yet become so unattainable. So, the rape becomes the outpouring of that desire to dominate. The porn thing is a COMPLETELY different subject and should not be connected to the reasons behind rape at all. Do not mistake that. Men are very visual creatures. We are stimulated by sights, sounds and naked skin. We like to see sex acted out. Again, I believe this is almost entirely due to genetic predisposition. Western culture does put a taboo on female nakedness, and since all forbidden things are automatically exciting, that probably has some part in it as well. Women are, statistically, more turned on by ideas, situations, touching, language, etc. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and you will undoubtedly meet men and women who are exact opposites from what I’ve described, but again, I’ve been talking in generalities. These statements and opinions are based on what I’ve gleaned from studies, books and my own meandering experience over the last 22 years. If someone has another and/or better take on this, please feel free to follow up.
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Name : Corey, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 22, City : Vancouver, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : desk jockey, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I don’t think I’ve ever had the urge to rape anyone. I watch porn for the personal gratification, and yes see women as something of sex objects in porn, but I have the ability to distinguish porn from real life. In real life women aren’t all porn stars. 🙂
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Name : Holmes B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 30, City : Austin, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Game Designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Asking, ‘Do all men get the urge to rape?’ is like asking, ‘Do all Germans get the urge to commit genocide?’ or ‘Do all women get the urge to be teenage mothers?’ First, please draw the distinction that sexual assault has nothing to do with sex, but with total control other another person. Secondly, it is a huge generalization to ask anything that starts, ‘Do all [insert race/religion/gender/sexual orientation/class distinction here] …. All people are unique. You will find examples of every type of behavior in every type of group, which relates to your second question. Define so much. Once a day, once a month, 8 hours everyday. Why should one man’s standard be applicable to another? I certainly agree that women are exploited in porn, but then so are men. If you wish to apply a standard then you must apply it to everyone.
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Name : Liam22912, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : McDonald, State : NA, Country : Canada, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,I’m sorry, but I know MANY women who get as turned on by pornograpy as some men do. ‘Sexual interest’ IS the sole point of pornography (it certainly isn’t to dazzle us with brilliant acting or coherent storylines.)However, I think you are being entirely too general to suggest, even subtly, that men who watch pornography don’t appreciate the ‘true’ value of a woman. I enjoy the occasional adult film, and can say that you are absolutely misinformed. I can separate fantasy from reality. I am a good man, and i treat women with respect becasue that is how I was raised. There ARE rapists who don’t watch pornography too. Rape is about control, not desire. Would you claim that men who watch pornography also beat their wives? Don’t generalize. It makes you seem uneducated.
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Name : Josh29139, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Toronto, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,First, I am not male, but you are confusing two different things. Rape is an act of violence and domination, the sex aspect of it is only because that is the way a rapist can totally dominate the victim. He also knows that it is degrading. While porn may sometimes use this scenario, I believe it is mostly just a fantasy or a method to work sex into a ‘plot’.
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Name : Deb25767, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I, for one, am not turned on by the thought of forcing myself on a woman. I think the majority of men do not have an urge to rape – or if the thought may sometimes cross their minds, it’s not one they would ever consider acting on. Some surveys indicate less than 1% of men would actually enjoy rape.
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Name : Matt, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : Oxford, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’ve never had the urge to rape. I HAVE had the urge to have sex with women I don’t know, all of whom would presumably decline my advances. The urge, however, isn’t about consent or anything as logical and civilized as that. In me, it seems born of this primal longing to have her, the physical part of her. Hardcore porn is actually boring to me. On the other hand, I can get gripped by a Victoria Secret’s catalog for an hour, easy. I’m ashamed of this. I know I’m objectifying a real human being when I eat up their photos with my eyes, and I feel less connected to myself afterward. I know I occasionally objectify women like this, and not only in magazines. Sometimes I catch myself and stop it, other times it gets all confused with the healthy pleasure of looking at someone attractive.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 32, City : Portland, State : ME, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,You’ve really got two questions here. The first, about the urge to rape, is one I can’t answer. I’m not all men, and I’ve never had such an urge. Rape isn’t really about sex, anyway – it’s more about power. Now the porn thing. I used to work in a porn shop, and like any other business, 20 percent of the customers generated 80 percent of the revenue. As for the 80 percent of customers, most guys like porn because it’s masturbational fast food, plain and simple. Men consume more porn (and by porn I’m referring to video and print, not books and other more ‘sophisticated’ media) because they’re more visually stimulated than women. I’m generalizing here, but that’s my sound bite on it.
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Name : KT26135, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Omaha, State : NE, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,There was a study done in the 1980’s by a well-known feminist anthropologist, Peggy Reeves Sanday. She surveyed some 95 tribal cultures. Of those cultures, 47% were ‘rape free’ cultures in which rape was very rare, and severely censured when it occurred. Only 18% of the cultures Sanday studied were ‘rape prone’ cultures, where sexual violence was the norm. Sanday concluded – and I agree – that men are not ‘natural born rapists.’ Rather, the culture in which one grows up influences one’s attitudes toward love, sex, and relationships. Men who grow up in cultures where women are respected and powerful do not rape.
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Name : Crystal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 39, City : Oakland, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don’t know if I could speak for all men on this for two reasons. One, I am gay. Two, who can generalize anything like that about society at large? But this is my guess: First, I doubt any man actually has the urge to rape – that is, I don’t think any man thinks he wants to sexually assault another person and in the process commits a crime. But maybe that’s semantics. What I think a lot of men fantasize about is the desire to overpower, and possibly to just ‘f**k the hell out of’ someone. I think it’s fairly common for men to see someone they desire and just get that deep-down-in-your-groin-wanna-have-sex-with-em feeling … straight or gay. The so-called ‘urge to rape’ is more of a manifestation of a sociological/pyschological problem: thinking that a woman or man wants to be physically/sexually assaulted beyond their control. That is, the rapist doesn’t understand that wanting to overpower someone – in this case, sexually – is not wanted/desired/etc. Or, if they think it isn’t wanted, they may think the person being raped deserved it or didn’t know they wanted it. That type of urge is rare. And as men’s fragile egos work, when we’re turned down, we don’t want them more or to ‘teach them a lesson.’ We usually just think they suck really bad. Yet, actually highly desiring to have sex with a stranger (or someone you know, for that matter) is a totally different ball of wax. I know most men feel that at least once, if not numerous times, a day. That’s just biology.
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Name : Matt, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : IT support, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,The vast majority of men don’t rape, probably greater than 99 percent. Sex, yes; rape, no. An unwilling partner is a total turnoff for most of us. Rapists are defective mentally, emotionally and perhaps genetically as well. Your second question is entirely different, with an incorrect assumption built in. Porn is simply fun, exciting entertainment for most viewers. Degradation and moral issues aside, which I happen to agree with, porn is no different than watching soap operas, WWF, bad TV sitcoms, teen movies, etc. I’s just fun, low-class, predictable entertainment based on a proven formula: voyeurism/insults/violence/embarassing situations.
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Name : Ken Lim, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Age : 43, City : Cupertino, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,Because I am male and have not had the urge to rape, no, all men do not get the urge to rape. Porn is fun because sex is fun. I don’t see that whether we think of women as sex objects (we all don’t) has anything to do with watching porn. There is no cause and effect here.
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Name : Bill, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 33, City : Huntsville, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : programmer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Just as many men find rape repulsive as women do. People watch porn for many reasons, and not every man does. Most humans are willing to admit that watching attractive members of your desired gender engaging in sexual acts is arousing.
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Name : Dan31631, Gender : M, Age : 31, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States,I certainly don’t get the urge to rape; if anything, most of my fantasies revolve around being seduced. As for porn, there are plenty of women who watch it – I don’t think it has anything to do with rape, or even with seeing women as sex objects. My wife has more of an appetite for ‘dirty movies’ than I do; she likes to watch them with me as a prelude to sex between us.
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Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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