I recently found some Playboy pictures in my 12-year-old son's drawer. I didn't make a big deal about it, just took them away and told him why I didn't like them. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
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Name : Lucille L., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 42, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Research, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I think I would sit him down and explain how these magazines degrade women and how they make you feel. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, because then he'd feel drawn to them because they're forbidden. Remember how we used to go out of our way when something was off limits? I'd tell him that it's normal to be curious, but this is not the way to do it. Our society needs some of the male population to quit seeing us as T and A.
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Name : Nicky, Gender : F, Religion : Pagan, Age : 46, City : Ft Worth, State : TX Country : United States, You did it right. You established the standard he has to live by in your house, but at the same time you didn't make a big deal out of it. If you make too much of an issue out of it, you run the risk of making it seem attractive. And also, frankly, if Playboy is the most sinister thing a teenager (or almost-teenager) is involved with, you're in good shape.
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Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, A very difficult subject to tackle. In theory, pornography should not be seen by such a young boy, as it will encourage him to view women as sexual objects. In practice, you will never stop his burning curiosity, and if you try, it will only convince him that women think sex is 'dirty.' If you really have to, is it possible to find a man who will try and talk to him about it?
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Name : M.K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Education level : Technical School, I think it is a faily common occurrence for adolescent boys to be interested in Playboy, Victoria Secret, even the women's underwear section of the JC Penny catalog. Afterall, boys at that age are a raging pile of hormones. We just found some pictures in my 13-year-old cousin's room not too long ago. As women, it is sometimes hard for us to understand the interest men have in dirty pictures. But I think my aunt handled the situation very well. She talked to my cousin about sex and hormones and all that stuff and told him what he is feeling is normal. She also talked to him about masturbation, which is perfectly natural. Then she talked to him about the dirty pictures, about the need to respect women and that in our house, pornography is not permitted. She didn't make the dirty pictures the focus of the discussion, and she tried to make sure he didn't feel ashamed for feeling sexual desire. But she made it clear that the pictures were not allowed in our house.
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Name : Jacqueline-C21009, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I think you did great. By not 'punishing' him, you effectivly told your son that curiosity about sexuality is OK, but that you don't like the format in which it was displayed. He is very curious, and, for the first time, excited by women. Encouraging openess and the rules of your house together will only make him a well-adjusted young man. Kudos!
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Name : Jenny, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Catholic, Age : 25, City : St. Louis, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Real Estate Agent, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, At least you didn't burst in on him while he was, um, 'looking' at them. I'd say it's time for you to discuss with your husband (sorry about the assumption) what the privacy boundaries are going to be for your soon-to-be young adult. You didn't say why you were in his drawers -- snooping or just putting away laundry? He's probably a bit resentful (and embarrassed) either way... and now knows to hide his stuff better. Parents have an absolute right to snoop if they think something dangerous is happening (like drugs or guns), but sex is something a bit different. YOU have an explicit zone of privacy around your bedroom -- and now that your son is maturing sexually, so should he. Again, we're not talking absolutes here, but reasonable (if teenagers & parents can be) expectations on both sides. You explained to him why you didn't like those magazines and pretty much have told him to expect to lose any others that you run across. If you were putting away his laundry, then now would be a good time to change the process -- teach him how to do his own laundry (he'll need to eventually be self-sufficient), or at the very least, leave the folded clothes on the foot of his bed for him to put away. With maturity comes different responsibilities... and that goes for both Mom and son. Good Luck!
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Name : Michael20724, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 38, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : E-Business Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Take your son out for fun and a burger then TALK with him calmly about the photos. You have to remember that grownups see things differently then children. The main things is not to blow all of this out of proportion. If you do then he will more then likely turn away from you and any advise in the future.
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Name : Jim30684, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 38, City : Corpus Christi, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Refinery Operations, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, You should not be concerned about this behaviour it is perfectly normal for a male of that age to be turned on by erotic material. If you do really feel that you need to do something, touch the subject lightly, tell your son that you understand what is going on and that if he has any questions he should come talk to you or someone he trusts.
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Name : jon29365, City : Kitchener, State : NA Country : Canada, I am not going to discuss ethics with you. If I had a 12 year old son (I do not) and he did not own some sort of nudie pictures, I would be deeply concerned. This is a normal part of growing up. Any man who tells you that he didn't own something like this at the ages of 12-15, is a liar.
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Name : Mick20590, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 20, City : Montreal, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I think the question that really needs to be asnwered here is why you are going through your 12 year old son's drawers? This demonstrates a lack or respect for his personal space that often goes hand-in-hand with a need to control the thoughts of others. By the age of 12 boys and girls have a need for privacy just like adults do. The pictures, labeled 'pornography' by the like-wise narrow-minded respondents are ultimately none of your business.
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Name : scott28191, Gender : M, Age : 38, City : seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, As a middle aged male who once was 12 years old I would say that the less said the better. The male curiosity about the female body is as normal as breathing. Don't make the child feel guilty about it and don't make him feel 'dirty'. I would say that if a 12 or 13 year old was not inquisitive I would be concerned about him. I have been a faithful husband for all of my married life but I still think a beautiful female body is a lovely sight to behold.
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Name : Jack21202, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 55, City : Cumming, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : professional, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, I agree with most of the responses that what you did was wise PROVIDED you use the same care in reviewing and not allowing other magazines in the house. Many so called 'women's' magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Vogue, ect not only show female flesh but, are actually quite offensive to men. Articles generally appear in each issue that are either the 'women good...men bad' type or are of the type that portray men as 'money objects.' If one is concerned about Playboy in that it degrades women, you should take care to not have magazines that degrade men around as well.
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Name : Steve27629, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 42, City : Houston, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Be thankful it's not Big Butt Magazine. Relax, he's 12, and guys are curious at that age about female bodies. If he's not pulling off standard teenager relationships and still perusing porno at 15 or 16, then he might have a problem. He might need counseling or activities to get him to meet girls.
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Name : Seamus28237, Gender : M, Age : 20, City : Charlestown, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Social class : Lower class, Why are You concerned? ALL men like these pictures, and if they have their mind under control, they realize pretty soon that lots of these pictures reduce women to a fun object.
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Name : Karl-Heinz26783, Gender : M, City : Mannheim, State : NA Country : Germany, 
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