[Melissa]

I'm dating a guy who is having trouble deciding between me and his freedom. However, he still wants all the physicality without the commitment, and I don't do "friends with benefits." I wish I knew what he was thinking. He says he loves me and that I am the only girl he wants to date, and that the title "girlfriend" is not important. Why won't he just give me the title if he doesn't plan on seeing anyone else? What should I do?

User Detail :  

Name : Melissa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Fresno, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nelson-A20168]

Hey Melissa, he LIKES you but he doesn't LOVE you. His good friend Mr. Johnson is the one who LIKES you most. I did EXACTLY the same thing when I was his age. Ha, it's so funny to hear my own words in another guys mouth... 'the girlfriend title is not important, it's what we feel for each other, bla,bla,bla'...HA! I hate to screw it up for the guy but now that I have a daughter I don't want a guy like me breaking her heart. Maybe it's true he doesn't HAVE another girl right now, but it's NOT TRUE that he doesn't WANT a 'hotter' one. When you're 21 you're always available unless you fall in LOVE. He definitely doesn't want to hang a 'Not Availale' sign on himself. There could be various reasons, but the most probable one is that for him you are of below average hotness, good enough to have as a 'while-available' playmate but not a true 'scream out to the world that you love' girlfriend. Sorry for the harshness, but it's the way it is. Hope I helped.

User Detail :  

Name : Nelson-A20168, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 33, City : Caracas, State : NA Country : Venezuela, Occupation : Lawyer/Educator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Nikki20065]

I was seeing a guy who wouldn't give me the title 'girlfriend.' He said labels weren't important to him. I was the only person he was seeing. Although we are no longer together, it's my opinion that in his case, he didn't have a problem being committed to me, he just didn't want others - i.e. other girls - to think he was taken. He never cheated, but I guess it was a freedom issue. I think many young men want to always seem available to the opposite sex.

User Detail :  

Name : Nikki20065, Gender : F, Age : 23, City : Pensacola, State : FL Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

[JerryS]

It isn't unusual for someone that young not to want to commit. You may or may not be really ready, but he feels he isn't. What you should do is recognize that right now you want something that isn't what he wants. Then you can decide to wait, break it off or whatever. Just don't deceive yourself that he really wants commitment but is just being coy.

User Detail :  

Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Gordon P.]

Be cool. Twenty-one is pretty young to commit in any permanent sense. Maybe he sees 'girlfriend' as equal to 'wife.' Hold your ground. After all, he is asking you to commit when he pressures you for sex. Maybe you could ask him, 'Why does it matter that I won't go all the way, when I don't want to date anyone else?' If things don't improve, consider asking him whether you two should decide to date others, since this relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere. But remember that this may be the kiss-off, and don't try it unless you are ready for that.

User Detail :  

Name : Gordon P., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 74, City : Whitewater, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : retired professor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Susan27487]

Find another guy - this one's not ready for a commitment. Why is he saying he doesn't want to use the title 'girlfriend' but also doesn't want to date anyone but you? Because he's just telling you what you want to hear, without completely committing so he can do whatever he wants. Be careful, you are both too young for a serious commitment, but you deserve the respect of a monogomous relationship. Stick to your guns. Wait for the right guy who's willing to commit to you.

User Detail :  

Name : Susan27487, Gender : F, City : Thousand Oaks, State : CA Country : United States, 

[Annie23886]

You give the key to your problem in your subject line. He's a boy; he's probably immature, and he's wasting your time. I would give him the boot. If he wants intimacy without commitment, he will probably break your heart eventually. I dated a man like that several years ago when I was single. He was emotionally detached from me and didn't express feelings of love whatsoever. I realized I was lonelier with him than without him and moved on. Now I am happily married to a wonderful man who cherishes me, respects me and is totally committed to me. You are really young, so you shouldn't be in a rush to find a husband. However, don't stick around someone like this boy, who obviously does not respect you.

User Detail :  

Name : Annie23886, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 51, City : Lawrenceville, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Fatima]

It seems to me he's not ready to give up his player days. If I were you, and you are really serious about the relationship, give him an ultimatum.

User Detail :  

Name : Fatima, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 24, City : Twinsburg, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Bert]

Your attitude may be the problem. It should never be a choice between you and freedom. If you are so possessive that you will give him no freedom, then it is no surprise he doesn't want to get involved too deeply. Secondly, what on Earth are you wanting commitment for at 20? Enjoy life, find a few Mr. Wrongs and get some experience behind you so you know what you want. If you are mentioning commitment to a 21-year-old man, then if he is not a complete wimp, he will run a mile. I don't mean this to be rude, but any man who wants commitment at 21 is not worth getting involved with. I notice that when I go away with my mates, it is always the ones who got settled early who are playing around. Those of us who got it out of our system and married later are boring, I guess, but we can't be bothered to play around.

User Detail :  

Name : Bert, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 33, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, 

[Jessica]

Ultimately, you'll have to ask him these questions. No Y? Forum reader can accurately tell you what's going on inside his head. While each of us might be able to give you our experience with stereotypical 21-year-old guys, the fact is, everyone's different. The important thing is that if you can't get a straight answer from him, or you're unsatisfied with whatever answer he gives you, you should move on - for your own happiness.

User Detail :  

Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Huntsville, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kristina26273]

Being a girlfriend is not like being married. If the relationship doesn't work out, you can call it quits. However, it is much more of a commitment than just being 'friends with benefits,' because the man and the woman (hopefully) would be exclusive to one another sexually.

If this guy can't be mature enough to commit on this level, he isn't worth your time. And guys will say anything to get in a girl's panties, which is why he wants you to believe he wants to be exclusive to you, but not consider himself your boyfriend. He is not interested in you enough to make the relationship more serious. It is a different story, however, if you can handle a relationship that's purely sexual (as some women are going for these days). But if you have deeper feelings of romance, it is best to terminate it now, because it will complicate things too much if you do the 'friends with benefits' thing.

User Detail :  

Name : Kristina26273, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Transcriber, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Michelle20571]

You need to show him how strong you truly are and walk away. I'm sure you have a backbone, right? Then us it. I was in a similiar relationship for 10 years and believe me, if he's not ready than he is NOT ready. Go on with your life and live it. Get what YOU want and get it from a MAN. As for a title...he is right, it is only a title. But appartently, it is important to you and I am sure there are more issues that will be important to you and not to him. Find yourself a man that shares these with you. Hold your head up high and get a steppin'.

User Detail :  

Name : Michelle20571, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Flint, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Matt21826]

The question you must ask yourself is 'Do we want the same thing from one another? Or at the least, are we willing to give each other what the other wants?' When it comes to male-female companionship, if it's not mutual, what's the point? There's nothing wrong with a lack of commitment of itself, but if he wants you to do commitment things without a commitment, he's got another thing coming. Of course, this all depends on what you mean by 'benefits.' A hug or a kiss here and there is one thing, but more than that... And when it comes to certain intimacies, I think you shouldn't sell yourself short, even to a 'boyfriend.' But that's neither here nor there; that's your business. The center of the matter is whether or not both of you will give what the other wants. The point is, if you don't want the same thing, is the what you're actually getting from other person worth the sacrifice of what you're giving him?

User Detail :  

Name : Matt21826, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : a strange place, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : composer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Chaz]

Truthfully, I've been through simular situations. If a guy really likes a girl, he will claim her as his girlfriend, regaurdless. I am, in a way, giving out a male secret by revealing this, but its the truth. He doesn't want to commit to you because he feels as though commiting to you will ruin his chances at another option. Most likely, he likes someone you know better than he does you and doesn't want to ruin his chances with that person. He doesn't want a relationship, only sex and the only reason he shows an attraction towards you is because you show an attraction to him. I hope no one I have used this on sees this, but stop giving him any sexual attention, and watch him go away.

User Detail :  

Name : Chaz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 17, City : Baltimore, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[John]

He may not be ready for relationships in general, or he may not be ready for one with you. Look at the bright side, if he refuses to commit, maybe commitment means something to him. Many men I know have no problem commiting, and no problem cheating, and no problem lying to you and breaking your heart. That's where most of the women on here and in general seem to get men wrong. The man who is afraid of commitment is probably the honest man who waits before making a decision that he, unlike the men who commit easily, plans to uphold. The bottom line is, if you can't see yourself with anyone else, fight for him and give him the chance. If you can, then be glad he doesn't want commitment, and show him the honesty he would show you. Perhaps when introduced to another suitor, he'll realize that commitment is good.

User Detail :  

Name : John, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Human, Religion : Omnitheist, Age : 24, City : Boynton Beach, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Telecommuications, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

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