[A.N.]

To gay men: I would love to have a gay male group of friends. However, upon meeting another gay male, if I'm not romantically interested, I am also not generally interested, or if I am romantically interested, I take measures to pursue a romantic relationship. This results in a lack of gay friends. Is this common? Do other gay men have this problem? Do most/all gay male circles of friends have sexual histories? I've yet to hang out with another gay guy without a sexual factor involved.

User Detail :  

Name : A.N., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Mark]

I think this may have to do with the places in which you're meeting gay men. While it was once true that most gay friendships began sexually and then developed into something platonic, times have changed. As gay men meet in non-sexual settings such as volunteer work, interest groups, activist groups, etc., many gay men are forming friendships that are not based on sexual attraction, but rather on mutual interests. Personally, I feel it's important to avoid limiting friendships based on sexual orientation. Many of my best friends are straight, but I also have a number of gay friends whom I've met at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center. I also haven't had much luck in turning former sexual partners in to friends, but I know this is common for many gay men. I'd encourage you to do your best to meet gay men in settings that are not sexually charged. Men who limit themselves to the bars can find it difficult to form lasting friendships. Good luck!

User Detail :  

Name : Mark, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 49, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Max]

I've found this to be something of a challenge, too. If I find someone interesting, I usually don't pursue them romantically, and instead steer things in the friendship direction. If romance blossoms from there, great. If not, I figure I'd rather have the friend than the lover.

User Detail :  

Name : Max, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 26, City : New York, State : NV Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Douglas25673]

A sexual history between gay friends is not uncommon, although neither is it a requirement. I have no sexual interest in any of my gay friends, but I enjoy their company. Usually these friendships revolve around work, hobbies or social situations. I also think that most of us create little 'family' groups of friends out of a human need for acceptance and understanding, which we so often don't receive from our real families. Just because you have no sexual interest in some people you meet doesn't lessen their value as people. Learn to look beyond the physical to find something of interest to you, be it a talent, a philosophy, or a humorous outlook on life.

User Detail :  

Name : Douglas25673, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 38, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Adam]

I am gay and I have a large group of gay male friends. Granted, some of them I initially talked to because I thought they were attractive. But, in most cases if you establish a friendship from the get-go then most gay guys leave it that way. Most of my friends I have met at coffee shops or clubs and we just like to have a good time. Occassionally we flirt and pretend but we still know it is on a friendship level. I think if you look around in the right places you will find a group of friends you are comfortable with.

User Detail :  

Name : Adam, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 18, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[John K.]

I think a lot depends on where you are looking. If you are looking in an environment where looking for dates/sex is a primary ingredient, you'll probably have problems finding friends without the sexual component. However, if you look for friends in groups or activities where the primary purpose is pursuing community service, shared enjoyment of hobbies, or something similar, you probably would have less of a problem finding people who want to be friends without the sexual tension. If that is your goal, I would recommend volunteering at a gay/lesbian community center, finding gay groups that share your hobby interests, or looking for similar things online.

User Detail :  

Name : John K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 35, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Quality Assurance Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[K.]

Well, I do have a group of gay friends with whom I hang out a lot. I met them through a local musical theatre group, and most of us have no sexual histories with one another (although there are a couple of guys who have had crushes on some of the others). My advice is to join a group where there are other gay men around - musical theatre tends to be a good spot (you don't have to sing, just be part of the crew, or something), or maybe join a gay support group, if that's your thing

User Detail :  

Name : K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Nonsexual, Religion : Openminded, Age : 22, City : Albuquerque, State : NM Country : United States, Occupation : Student, 

[Johnny29350]

When I was young and single (i.e. 16-20), I had the same problem. Then, I had a serious relationship for 4 years. During that time, I ended up making a lot of platonic gay friends. So now, even though I am single, I have friends to go to bars with and it's great. I also think I have learned how to make gay friends. It helps if they are friends of friends or that kind of thing. If you have common friends, it's more clearly about friendship than if you only hang out one-on-one and never with other people.

User Detail :  

Name : Johnny29350, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

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