Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 12 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 20 years, 3 months ago by
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- A friend who is married (a woman) is having an affair with a co-worker who is married. She told me it was an instant attraction for both of them, and neither one of them wants to stop seeing the other. They can't get enough of each other, but it's not just physical. To those of you who have had affairs outside of your marriage, why did you start the affair? What kept it going? Why do you think men and women have extramarital affairs? Do men have affairs just to get physical attention, or do some men fall in love with these women? Do most women who have affairs have serious feelings for these men, or are they just out for a piece of a**? I know it's morally wrong; I'm just trying to get inside the head of someone who has been there.
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Name : Missy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Somewhere, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am ashamed to admit I have had several extramarital affairs. The first one happened after six years of marriage. He was married also, and we both left our spouses for each other and moved in together. It lasted only a few weeks because I realized I loved my husband, and he was gracious enough to allow me to come back home. The second one happened six years later, and I was in love with this one. At first, it was purely physical; the sex was incredible. He was also married, and we planned to leave our spouses for each other. We eventually did, but we never got together. We are still friends to this day, and my attraction to him is as strong as ever. However, I realize that what we did was wrong, and there is no way to make it right. It ruined a marriage and left several children on both sides without their father.User Detail :
Name : Anonymous23696, Gender : F, City : Bridgeport, State : CT Country : United States,Read His needs, her needs: building an affair-proof marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr. It talks extensively about affairs, and is written by a psychologist who has helped many people through them. He talks about the basic ego needs of men and the basic ego needs of women that are not met at home, but are met by those in the office or on the production floor. No, it is not primarily sexual, although as sexual beings, people do get entangled sexually. I highly recommend the book, which could be in your local library.User Detail :
Name : Ronald-V29453, Gender : M, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA Country : Canada,Although I don't speak from experience (who needs to be burned to learn that fire burns?), men and women have basic needs that must be met. Man's five most basic needs:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companion
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. AdmirationWoman's five most basic needs: 1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitmenthttp://www.geocities.com/celicastx/relationships.html is where you can get a more detailed description of each of these. Morality can provide an incentive to avoid misbehavior. However, meeting these needs in a home is much better than having these needs met elsewhere, which can lead to affairs and broken homes.
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Name : Ronald-V29449, Gender : M, Religion : Christian, Age : 48, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,When I got married, my fiance knew I was attracted to women, and he knew I intended to continue seeing women. Neither of us object to this arrangement. Technically this constitutes an affair, although neither of us consider it so. An affair involves lying, and there is no lying involved in my marriage. He would be upset if I were seeing men, but I have no interest in that; my husband will give me anything I want from a man. He just can't be a woman. He is sensitive and loves to talk to me. We do not agree about everything, which keeps us interested in each other.User Detail :
Name : Kerry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 32, City : Ventura, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Stagehand, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I've had 'flings' when in a relationship. These are just one-off sexual encounters rather than ongoing affairs. For me, it was just physical, at a time when the relationship had died sexually, and perhaps ought have been put out of its misery, anyway. From my perspective, the trouble is that, being conservative, I was reluctant to admit, and get my partner to accept, that our relationship had ended.Strangely, the fact of having cheated did make me more turned-on by sex with my partner. I suppose taking a walk on the wild side is a bit intoxicating after months of infrequent, routine or perfunctory sex with a partner. I must admit that I find the typical heterosexual affair, where the man or woman has quite an intense emotional [as well as sexual] relationship with their lover, while keeping the primary partner in the dark, to be quite baffling. I'm by no means trying to preach - I can have emotional and sexual relationships with a couple of men simultaneously, as long as we go into it on that basis and all parties know what's going on - but being able to have that emotional relationship while keeping the primary partner in the dark just brings on too much guilt for me. But then, I grew up Catholic . . .
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 35, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : corrections officer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,The attraction that is involved in extramarital affairs is completely natural. The longing or needing to engage in an affair is usually the result of an unsatisfactory relationship at home. I have had an affair, and it opened my eyes to the sorry state of my marraige. Two years later, the affair is long over, and I am awaiting final divorce. I have no regrets, not a one. The temporary relationship allowed me to see beyond what I was blind to and gave me the strength I needed to survive the end of long-term bondage.User Detail :
Name : Mike20607, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : Rural area, State : AL Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Your friend has some serious problems. First, she is a dirty whore. If she wants to do the decent thing, she would have told her husband the second something happened with this other guy and worked it out then. But going on like this is not right. Why do you think Nicole Simpson was killed? And personally, I think she deserved it.User Detail :
Name : Patrick, Gender : M, Race : Irish, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : Los Altos, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class,OK, so Y Forum wants to throw us a curveball and get us talking. So you say that because Nicole Simpson MAY have been having an affair, she deserved to be killed by her husband. Is that what you are saying? You're saying that because O.J. didn't have what he wanted, he was entitled to take a life, the life of the mother of his children? People have affairs all the time and work their problems out with their spouses. How do you deal with stress in relationships? If you're in a relationship with someone and they dump you, am I going to read about you in a headline somewhere? Or have I already read about you?User Detail :
Name : Beth, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 34, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Freelance writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don't think it is necessary for anyone to get their nickers in an uproar over the first posted response to this question. I am sure the 'Y' folk only put it there to remind us how ignorant the 18 year old mind really is. It is more likely that his bark is worse than his bite and maturity will eventually prevail.User Detail :
Name : Douglas25666, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Waterford, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,they don't catch feelings or nothing they just like the sexUser Detail :
Name : billy-joe23075, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : hartford, State : CT Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,I am going to answer all your questions in the order you asked. First, the reason I think people have affairs is out of bordom. I myself just ended an affair not by choice, and it was the a great experience. I had new passion in my life I had a great companion. We also had great sex. It was great to me I have been married for almost three years and I have no desire for my husband but we are great friends. Yes i'm sure that having an affair is wrong but isn't a pleasureless life wrong too. Our affair kept going because it was wonderful emotionally and sexually. I think men and women have affairs because of boredom. I actually have strong feelings for my partner I not into one night stands. I wanted to have an affair that was fulfilling.User Detail :
Name : Juanita, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 21, City : Spokane, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Photographer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,1. Far too many women like to be in relationships with men who are emotionally unavailable. 2. Every man enjoys the freedom of a relationship in which he does not have to be emotionally available. 3. Everyone enjoys the thrill of a first kiss, of a first grope, etc. 4. Far too many people enter into the commitment of marriage without being willing to work at that commitment.User Detail :
Name : Topher Sanchez, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : 1/2 Hillbilly, 1/2 Wetback, Religion : Catholic, Age : 34, City : Fossil Creek, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Golfwear designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,
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