Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences
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I have a handicapped friend who is often depressed about her condition. I help her look at the bright side of things but am truthful in admitting that sometimes her life can be quite a living hell. Some people would suggest, however, that I should only reinforce the positive when around her. What would other handicapped people say?
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Name : Robert-N, Gender : M, City : Whittier, State : CA, Country : United States,I think you are doing the right thing by being honest with her. I don’t think there’s anything to gain by sugar-coating everything. However, my parents have always been honest with me about my condition (Muscular Dystrophy) and involved me in my own health options; I’ve always made the final decisions regarding my health and treatment options. It’s my understanding that this is an atypical approach to raising a disabled child. Thankfully for me, my parents saw no value in shutting me out of my own life, so to speak. Maybe your friend was sheltered from everything growing up. Maybe she gets depressed because she doesn’t understand how her inabilities relate to her afflictions. Maybe her caregivers don’t really listen to her, and she feels trapped. Maybe her peers harass her. It could be a million and one different things contributing to her depression. I don’t know, since I don’t know her.
If she is of sound intellect, I’d encourage her to find out as much information as she can about her handicap so that she understands what is going on with her body. I’d also advise her to assert herself with her caregivers to make sure they know her needs and desires, as well as respecting her as a person (and perhaps adult if she’s of age).
These are the most common problems I’ve seen growing up. I hope it can help you a little. I won’t lie and say I’ve never been depressed, but really, who hasn’t from time to time?
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Name : Mandy, Gender : F, Disability : Paralyzed, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States,Facing and overcoming challenges is what life is all about. Everyone has limitations to their abilities, and becoming handicapped just suddenly makes new ones. I’ve been in a wheelchair 3 1/2 years and can no longer ski and bicycle, but that hardly means my life is over. Focus on what you CAN do, and do it as well as you can. It’s OK to mourn for what you’ve lost or can never have, but the only thing you can control is your future. She needs to make a new set of plans, goals, and priorities and get to work carrying them out. Everyone, handicapped or not, has regrets and shortcomings but we must transcend them as best we can.
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Name : Ghoti, City : Ishpeming, State : MI, Country : United States,Honesty is always the best policy. When People try to but the optimistic spin on things it makes things even worse for myself, as I get down on myself for feely so negative, and it becomes cyclical.
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Name : Lawrence, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Professor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I have Spina Bifida and have always lived around positivity til the presant day. All I can say to you is what my mother taught me….Control your disability, don’t let it control you. Living with ANY disability is hard physically, Mentally & Socially. Just be a friend. That’s all disabled people want… Friends
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Name : Gill, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Spina Bifida, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 36, City : London, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Nursery Nurse, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,One thing you might ask is if your friend would be interested in going to a support group with those with similar disabilities. There are even email support groups (such as those at yahoo groups) where people who are facing similar challenges can share their experiences. After my amputation I was really depressed until I found an email support group where I could talk about all the things that were so distressing to me…bladder issues, needing help, getting tired, pain, going out of the house…with people who knew EXACTLY what I was talking about. Many had been dealing with my type of situation for many years and had great advice to try. Sometimes depression is made worse by the feeling that no one really understands. A support group could really help. As a supportive friend, I think it is good to be honest…false cheer can sometimes be worse than saying something like ‘Yeah, that does suck, I’m sorry.’ You could always ask your friend, too, what she is comfortable with.
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Name : Kristen M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Disability : transpelivic amputation, chondrosarcoma, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : Darien, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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