[DykeOnByke]

I have heard single friends and acquaintances (basically white-collar, middle-class people) say they would prefer not to date blue-collar, working-class people; that numerous differences in values and goals are just too difficult to overcome to try to make such a relationship successful. Moreover, an invisible boundary line seems to separate union workers from salaried employees, even if earning similar incomes. How common and valid is this attitude? I would like to hear from others about their experiences – good or bad – with dating or maintaining romantic relationships with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
Original Code C3. Click here to see responses from the original archives.

User Detail :  

Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member, 

[Katie]

Call me elitist, but I would not date or marry someone outside my class. I divorced someone who was blue-collar and had only some college, while I’m white-collar, upper-middle class and have a master’s degree plus.

For me it’s the issue of sensibility: I really disliked my working-class ex-husband’s sense of fatalism, his poor-mouthing, martyr stance of being exploited by the haves while he was a have-not. I disliked his complacency and lack of taking advantage of opportuniities for advancement (he was a college police officer; every year he was given three free credits and never took a class).

I met my current husband online, on an e-mail discussion list for literature. What I like about him is his literary temperament and sensibility, and his creativeness. His education and his being extremely well-read make him more open to other options in life, as well as a better creative thinker.

Also, my ex-husband was incredibly insecure and basically asexual. (I think he was clinically depressed and possibly latently gay but couldn’t deal with it.) I’ve found for myself, having grown up in the South, that blue-collar, lower-middle class and below people are extremely rigid about gender roles and sexuality. For example, the more education one has, the more one is open to and willing to experiment with sex. As always, there are exceptions; people can’t be classified. But in summary, for me it’s a matter of temperament, sensibility and cultural programming … and let’s not forget money: The more you have, the more options in life you have. The less you have, the fewer options. And poverty or wealth tends to colors one’s perception of the world.

User Detail :  

Name : Katie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 37, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Brian]

I resent the stereotypes made about the working class. If you spent more time with those lower than you (as you seem to see them), you’d find that many blue-collar workers are fully able to converse about subjects other than fast cars and beer, and that most of them have a better grasp on the reality of daily life than you educated folk do. As a temp worker, I am consistently amazed at how little the “educated,” upper class, white collar people I work with know about anything other than how to keep their picket fences white and their lawns perfectly green. These are people who make more a year than I do in five, yet wouldn’t know the difference between Bukowski and Berkowitz and believe that Turkey is nothing more than something you have on Thanksgiving. I refuse to limit myself to one class when I make decisions about who to spend time with. You can learn so much just by expanding your horizons just a little bit.

As far as money is concerned, if that is your criteria in choosing another person, then I feel sorry for you. There is so much more to life than overpriced theater tickets, expensive restaurants and trips to the South of France.

User Detail :  

Name : Brian, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 33, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Temp Slave, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

[Jaimie W.]

I grew up in a family that went from lower class to upper middle class over the years, and have had many good opportunities in life. I went straight to an expensive liberal arts college and then straight into a job as a journalist. My three-year boyfriend, on the other hand, barely completed a dismal high school education. He is a bike mechanic. I feel that we are made for each other. We balance each other out. Though I am book smart, he’s got way more common sense and ingenuity than I. Though I pay for 3/4 of our expenses, he does more housework. We both learn from each other. I explain poetry to him, he explains bikes, appliances and sports to me. As long as two people can share and respect each others’ interests, class doesn’t matter.

User Detail :  

Name : Jaimie W., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/White/German/Irish/Japanese, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : Wenatchee, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Journalist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Ashlee23798]

I don’t care about what a date’s socioeconomic background is, however, it is very important to me for a mate to have a college education. While that doesn’t make my mate any smarter, it certainly does mean that one will be eligible for more opportunities. Today, many secretarial positions require a college degree. I think that going to college – even if it takes 8 years at night – indicates future-orientation and the foresight to sacrifice immediate freedom, pleasure, financial security, or whatever to be in one of the best possible positions down the road.

User Detail :  

Name : Ashlee23798, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Western European American, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 31, City : Austin, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Brian23015]

Some have apparently been mixing class with education here. The lines between working class and white collar have definitely blurred. Could this be an issue between just different levels of education in general?

User Detail :  

Name : Brian23015, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Age : 21, City : Davis, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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