Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 12 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 7 months ago by
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- I am a culturally Jewish (but not religious) woman, and I am marrying a man who grew up in a religious Christian household. He's now an agnostic. We are having a secular, unusual wedding that includes some Jewish traditions (a chupah, breaking the glass), but Jesus is not invited. My fiance has a big family. Most of them are right-wing Christians from small towns. I want to make them feel comfortable and included at our wedding ceremony. They have been very nice to me and my fiance. Does anyone have any religion-free suggestions for making them more comfortable? For those of you who are religious Christians, how do you feel at secular or Jewish weddings?
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Name : Rhiannon, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 29, City : Eden Prairie, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Professor, Social class : Middle class,I am a deeply religious Lutheran Christian who would not feel uncomfortable at your wedding during its secular portions. What would trouble me is the religious traditions being observed, knowing that the bride and groom don't take these seriously. To include religious traditions would strike me as being only for show, and that isn't the point of any wedding.User Detail :
Name : Roberta29555, Gender : F, Age : 39, City : Woodbridge, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Homemaker, Education level : 2 Years of College,I share a similar background with your in-laws and would feel very comfortable at your wedding. I attended a similar wedding this summer. One of my friends from college is a 25-year-old PhD candidate in neuro-biology and has no use for religion. His wife, raised a Mormon, is also of the agnostic/aethiest persuasion. Her family members are devout, practicing Mormons, and I am a practicing Protestant, and I think we all enjoyed the ceremony, which was conducted in an artist's park near a museum in Indianapolis. One of the groomsmen read a piece from the New Testament, but another read a piece from Nietzche. The only reason I would have felt uncomfortable in that situation, or yours, is if anti-religious 'protest' statements were included (i.e. 'we all know that Jesus is a myth and that's why we're here today'). As a Christian, I was raised to respect the Jewish religion as the basis for my own. I'd say that your attitude is very welcoming and will make for a great ceremony. My only complaint was that they charged an arm and a leg for alcohol at the wedding to appease the bride's people (ha ha). I think that had more to do with age than religion. After all, one of Jesus' first miracles was to turn water into wine AT A WEDDING! That's just my thought, though, and you're welcome to ignore it - just as the bride's family did.User Detail :
Name : Brian23016, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 25, City : Kokomo, State : IN Country : United States, Occupation : journalist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I tend to agree in general with the other answerer, that the religious practices that are somewhat meaningless to a non-religious person seem unfair to the Christian husband. While he's not having any religious moments in the wedding, you are, even though neither of you are religious. And by the way, I am Jewish. However, there is one thing that many non-Jews don't understand that you may want to make clear at the wedding: Being Jewish is not just a religion but also an ethnicity (as you clearly understand). You might want to help them understand that some of the Jewish rituals are not too dissimilar from rituals of other ethnic groups (such as Irish dancing) in that they are not really religious in nature.User Detail :
Name : Teddy-T, Gender : M, City : Sherman Oaks, State : CA Country : United States,I don't see what harm would be done by reading a passage from the New Testament, e.g., a reading from Matthew, something devoid of any Christian doctrine but which contains peaceful, loving, universally-appreciated sentiments. I mean, for Christ's sake, he WAS a Jew - from the cradle to the grave. His words are the words of a Jew, aren't they? Would merely his presence upset your Jewish disposition? If so, I'd say that 'right wing' comment about your Christian in-laws applies equally to you.User Detail :
Name : Paul Chandler, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Jamaica Plain, State : MA Country : United States,Like I suggested to another response of a similar nature, perhaps you may want to consider a 'neutral' ceremony, or a ceremony that accepts both faiths with out favoring one or the other. I would consider looking into a Unitarian church and learning more about what they stand for. A couple I know in a similar situation felt very accepted by this church, and their families were fine with their decision since neither faith was being favored.User Detail :
Name : Lynette22484, Gender : F, Age : 36, City : LA, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney,My fiance and I are in the midst of wedding plans, and I disagree with the folks who responded that they have reservations about your including Jewish traditions in your wedding when you and your chosen aren't particularly religious. I think the most important thing is that your wedding ceremony be meaningful to you, because it's your wedding, after all. That point aside, if your future husband's family has been kind and accepting of you, they will probably be comfortable at the wedding, anyway, provided you're just as kind and accepting of them as they are of you. My fiance and I are pretty much agnostic (I grew up Lutheran and his family is Catholic). We're planning a sort of Secular Humanist ceremony, maybe borrowing some elements from Zen Buddhism, Korean traditions (my mother is Korean), traditions we invent and maybe even some traditional Christian elements. We are asking both sets of parents to 'give us away' and are having some family members take part in the ceremony, doing readings and such. I would also like to have a part in the ceremony where we thank our parents (and each other's parents) for helping us in our lives thus far, and somehow symbolizing the transition from being part of our birth families to making a new family of our own.User Detail :
Name : Ginny Z., Gender : F, Race : Hapa, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 25, City : Madison, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : scientist/aspiring sociologist, Education level : 4 Years of College,Hi there. Many people are having weddings now , that are 'christian free' I guess , just to say hello, and to make sure they are enjoying themselves. Are a couple of ways you can make sure they are comfortable.BUT , especially let them know. That you take your marriage very seriously, and are in it for the long term. Not just untill you get sick of each other. Which unfortunately , many do. Which is quite sad. As you mentioned , you will have a few Jewish traditions in your wedding. As a christian I follow Jesus of course. He said to worship God with 'Spirit and Truth'(John 4:24) Infact, Jesus condemned the religious leaders of his day, for their traditions. Traditions, no matter what church , obviously have no place in true worship. I hope your wedding goes well :o) PeterUser Detail :
Name : Peter Briant, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 38, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : storeman, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,Hi Roberta. I read your comments about the wedding, and I hope you dont mind, but I thought I would respond to your response. I see that you are worried, the couple didnt take the 'religious traditions' seriously. My question for you is. Should we listen/obey traditions at all?? We know , that, as christians, we should follow Jesus as closely as we can, and obey his commands.Did Jesus say we should worship God with traditions? No , he said to 'worship with spirit and truth' (John 4:24) It doesnt say anything about traditions. The only time Jesus said anything about traditions. Was when he condemned the religious leaders of the day, for their traditions. So, are traditions, really 'truth'? By what Jesus said , the answer can only be 'no'. As Jesus said at John 8:32, 'Know the truth, and the truth will set yoou free'. Free from what ? Please feel free to email me , if you would like to know , what from..........PeterUser Detail :
Name : Peter Briant, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 38, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : storeman, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,So Peter, you think that 7 billion people are not praying to God correctly? It must be comforting to you that you are right and the rest of the world is wrong. Is that your final answer? Sorry, Pete. You are wrong for being intolerant of other people's beliefs. Educate yourself.User Detail :
Name : Mark K., Gender : M, Religion : Jewish, City : San Francisco Bay Area, State : CA Country : United States,I'm a born-again Christian, and I would love to attend a Jewish wedding! Because the Christian faith has its roots in Judaism, I have a great respect for Judaism and its traditions, what little I know about them. I would consider your wedding a learning experience. I will say, however, that I was offended by a 'Christian' wedding I attended last year where the bride and groom made a big show about including God in the ceremony when I knew they didn't include Him in their lives. (They even hid the fact that they were living together from the minister so that they could get married in his church.) I felt like they were making a mockery of beliefs I hold sacred (literally), and I would have felt far more comfortable if they had had a secular wedding in a hotel. If you and your husband are indeed non-religious, you may have a similar response from any devout Jews you invite to your wedding.User Detail :
Name : Shannon, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 25, City : York, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Anyone who professes to be a Christian should be following Jesus' footsteps, right? After all, he began Christianity. Jesus said, 'This goood news of the kingdom would be preached throughout the inhabited earth. (Mat 24:14) The only people who have ever come to my door, doing just as Jesus said, are Jehovah's Witnesses. No Catholic, Protestant, no one else. Jesus said to worship with spirit and truth (John 4:24) Did he say there are a lot of ways to worship God? No, he said with truth. So obviously there is a right way to worship God and many wrong ways - as we know, just by looking around at the different churches. It's not a case of sitting back in a comfort zone and thinking I am right. We follow the Bible and worship God accordingly. After all, the Bible says, 'All Scripture is inspired of God, and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness. That the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.' (2Tim 3:16&17) So, if we are being taught something that is not in the Bible, then are we being taught something God approves of? Going by the scripture I have just quoted, obviously not.User Detail :
Name : Peter Briant, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 38, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : storeman, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I was in a similar situation that you're in when I got married. I'm a Wiccan and my husband is an atheist. Most of my family are small-town Christians and have not totally accepted my choice of religion. So they were a little weirded out when I told them that I was having a Wiccan ceremony. What I did was hammer out a 'toned-down' ceremony with vaguely Christian traditions (which were originally pagan) like passing the cup and a short prayer. The DJ played music from a video game soundtrack that sounded Celtic, but was really Japanese. The only thing that was really different was the guys' tuxes (Druid-like robes and capes), my Celtic-style gown, and the handfasting part, which the minister took great pains to explain. And my entrance music was CoCo Lee's 'Love Before Time.' All my relatives told me that it was the best wedding they've ever been to, so things worked out, even though Jesus stayed home.User Detail :
Name : Kat Ingersoll, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 25, City : Burlington, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Underwriter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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