[Mandy]

I'm an Asian girl living in Sweden. My parents emigrated from Vietnam but are Chinese. There is sort of an Asian community here in my city, but it's a bit ghetto-like. My family is better off financially, so we live in an all-Swede/white suburb. For that reason, and the fact that my father persisted in making sure his children learn Swedish properly, my Chinese is very poor. I understand it, but I can't speak Chinese. My self-confidence is greatly affected; I am very ashamed that I can't speak my mother tongue, and my parents' friends also say I should be. I was wondering if there is greater acceptance of this problem in the United States, or if Asians all over the world demand that their children be fluent in Chinese? Also, does anyone my age have the same problem? If so, please write to me.

User Detail :  

Name : Mandy, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 18, City : N/A, State : NA Country : Sweden, Occupation : Student, 

[Bert T.]

My parents, like yours, wanted to ensure that I mastered the local language, English. My parents felt that I would be better prepared for English-speaking society if I concentrated on English, rather than split my attention between English and Chinese. It was a practical decision: I grew up in the Midwestern United States, in a city that had a very small Chinese community and no Chinese schools.

I sometimes regret my lack of Chinese language skills. My parents speak English, but Chinese is their 'true' language, one that I don't share. I would like to better communicate with my family members who still live in Taiwan and/or do not speak English well, if at all. And I still feel a little embarrassed when other Chinese (especially older ones) cluck at me for not speaking the mother tongue.

However, my parents' approach worked: I can speak and write English well (at least, I hope so!). Because I spend more time in English-speaking society than in Chinese-speaking society, my Chinese language skills do not hurt my ability to chase my dreams in this country.

In addition, language is but a part of one's Chinese identity. It is more important to have Chinese 'values.' You don't need to speak the tongue in order to appreciate the importance of your family. Finally, if you still think that your failure to learn to speak Chinese was a mistake, remember that the 'mistake' was not yours, but your parents' - you are not responsible for the manner of your own upbringing.

If speaking Chinese is important to you, it is never too late to learn. Most colleges offer Chinese courses (at least in the United States), and you can learn Chinese from your parents and/or friends. (I assume from your age that you are in or will soon enter college.) There are always opportunities around you.

Do not feel that you are alone, and do not feel ashamed of yourself. I, and many of my Chinese-American friends, grew up speaking English only. It's a natural outcome of the efforts of Chinese-heritage immigrants to adapt to and establish roots in new cultures. Never believe - not even for a minute - that something is wrong with you, that your worth or the strength of your character depends on what language you speak. Feel free to write me back.

User Detail :  

Name : Bert T., Gender : M, Race : Chinese, City : N/A, State : NA Country : United States, 

[Mike L.]

Anyone who tries to take away your dignity is not your friend. Don't invest any value you have of yourself in anyone who tries to take away your dignity.

Of my family, I was the only one born and completely educated in the United States. I haven't picked up Chinese because to do so would require a system of learning Chinese that has never been made available to me.

There are some people who were raised in American education, and have picked up their parents' native languages, because they can handle a flood of information. That is a strength. But just because you and I can't handle that flood of information doesn't mean we don't have our own strengths. Find your strength first, and nurture that, then worry about fitting in.

As for the acceptsance of not knowing Chinese in the United States, that has varied depending on where I have lived. In homogenous communities, either all white or all Chinese, there has been less acceptance. People from these communities are less likely to imagine living outside of a prescribed lifestyle.

Heterogenous communities, with mixed ethnicities, do not attract people who subscribe to prescribed lifestyles.

In other words, do some research and find someplace where you will be valued for who you are. I promise that the people who tell you you should be ashamed will not follow you.

User Detail :  

Name : Mike L., Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 29, City : Walnut Creek, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[K. Tack Chan]

I've faced the same problem as you. I am a Malaysian-born Chinese but emigrated to Australia with my family at an early age. When I go back to Malaysia for a holiday, my relatives tease me about not being able to speak Chinese.

I have many friends who are ABC (Australian Born Chinese) who cannot speak Chinese well. My parents also insist on learning to speak English, because if your English is poor, your chances of getting a good job are very low.

In most cases Chinese parents don't really demand that their children speak Chinese. I suppose it's not a big deal, but I don't feel fully Chinese nto being fluent in my mother tongue. Therefore, I'm learning to speak better by insisting my parents speak more Chinese to me, and I actually mix with international students who can speak Chinese well. If you can't do that, I guess you have to teach yourself Chinese or take language classes.

User Detail :  

Name : K. Tack Chan, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 23, City : Perth, State : N/ Country : Australia, Occupation : University Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dave]

The above posts may give you comfort, but face it, you will probably always feel inferior when you are around other Chinese people who can speak the language. I suggest you pick one of the many Chinese languages and learn it.

My wife is Chinese, and we recently had a child. I am 42 and started learning Mandaran a year and a half ago in night classes. I can carry on a pretty good general conversation and will soon start learning the writing. The reason I am learning the language is to support my child's learning so my child doesn't have the same feelings you do. It's not that difficult to learn, especially if you apply yourself. It will reward you greatly if you do, so just go for it.

User Detail :  

Name : Dave, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 42, City : Taipei, State : NA Country : Taiwan, 

[Wong]

I've had the same problem, since my family moved here from Asia when I was a kid. My situation improved after I left home and started living by myself in another city, where I didn't have to spend time with my parent's friends (who are all older and grew up in Asia). Even though I know I can never be completely Swedish, I feel almost nothing Asian anymore. Maybe that's not a very good solution (basically running away), but it works, and now I feel so confident in myself that I'm no longer bothered by the fact that I can only speak very "simple" Chinese.

User Detail :  

Name : Wong, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 26, City : Uppsala, State : NA Country : Sweden, 

[Mary21976]

I'm a Filipino girl living in Canada, and my language situation is very similar to yours - my family lives in a mostly white suburb, I speak English and understand Tagalog but don't speak it. However, other Filipinos who we know here don't really frown upon the fact that I don't speak Tagalog; it's more of a curiosity than something they disapprove of.

I have mixed feelings - before, I didn't really mind not speaking Tagalog, as I didn't encounter a lot of Filipinos at school and English worked just as well at home. However, now that I'm older, I feel that knowing another language would really open up new worlds for me. I could probably speak it if I wanted to and tried hard enough, but I feel kind of embarrassed now to really try. It's been too long without it, and I'm certainly not used to it.

User Detail :  

Name : Mary21976, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 18, City : N/A, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[JMC]

I know what you're going through. I'm an ABT(American Born Taiwanese), and my parents wanted English to be my first language so that I could function more easily here in the states. However, it's been a struggle to retain the little bit of Taiwanese I ever knew, and as for Mandarin, forget it. While I sympathize, the bottom line is that if you really want to learn a language, you have to want it badly enough to struggle through the discomfort of speaking it (badly) every chance you get, even if it is with the very people who make you feel bad for not being fluent. But even if you don't manage to do that, don't beat yourself up about it.

User Detail :  

Name : JMC, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 28, City : Stamford, State : CT Country : United States, 

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