[Nicole B.]

I don’t know why, but no black males in my school ask me out on a date. It is always white males who come on to me. Is it because I’m not the stereotypical ghetto black girl? I’m truly confused. Does anyone care to enlighten me?

User Detail :  

Name : Nicole B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : upstate, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Gene]

Nicole, hang in there. In life, those with similar morals, ethics and goals tend to find one another, regardless of race. Also, if you truly defy stereotyping, discontinue using terms like ‘ghetto black girl.’ Check your history references and you’ll learn the real meaning of the word ‘ghetto.’ Don’t buy into deception.

User Detail :  

Name : Gene, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 47, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Self employed, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Monique-M20341]

You sound as if you’re a bit upset about not getting the brothers – or is it that you’re just curious as to why they don’t want you? I can offer some explanations on why white males appear to be attracted to you. I believe that when we attract only a certain kind of pepole we are sending vibes toward others that attract them to us. It could be that you act more like a white girl instead of a black one. It may be stereotypical, but the Anglo culture may regard passiveness as being ladylike and desirable, whereas in the black culture feistiness is encouraged and even respected. So you’re right. White boys like your vibes and black boys don’t because maybe you’re too passive for them. I’m not saying you have to be phony or anything, but try immersing yourself in the black culture more or be a cross between the two; maybe that way you’ll catch more brothers out there.

User Detail :  

Name : Monique-M20341, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Christian, Age : 17, City : Ft. Myers, State : FL, Country : United States, 

[Vincent]

First, you have to get rid of the notion that we are only after ‘ghetto’ girls. Some of us, in fact, are repulsed by such girls. You’ll have to describe your situation a little more clearly before I can give a more complete opinion. Do you live in a more well-to-do part of town? Is your school culturally mixed?

User Detail :  

Name : Vincent, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 29, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Harvey]

Don’t be confused. It’s a male thing. The answer is yes: In some instances it may be a ‘ghetto’ thing, but in most cases I think it’s a case of men just being intimidated by a strong, self-confident woman. Trust me, the strong black male you seem to seek is out there; you just haven’t met him yet. It is more important to be true to yourself and be who you are. ‘To thy own self be true.’

User Detail :  

Name : Harvey, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 49, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kristina]

Frankly, I can not stand the stereotype of ‘ghetto’ black women, and I would not want to be with a man who would want me to act that way. I am a black woman who has always had a shy and introverted personality. Ignorant people who define their blackness from the latest rap video, or other media that degrades our race, may say that this type of personality is more ‘white’ then ‘black.’ If a black male thinks this way, and the ‘ghetto’ image is what floats his boat, then he will be turned off to a more ‘submissive’ woman. This may not be the only reason why the black men aren’t approaching you though. What is your body type? Black men are more attracted to meatier girls — if you are skinny with no curves, black men may be less apt to approach. White men on the other hand like this type of body, and thus will be more likely to approach you. Also keep in mind that some men in general, especially young ones just want sex. An aggressive ‘ghetto’ girl may seem to be easy prey for this type of man, whereas a quiet girl may not. Anyway, don’t worry about it. Just because black men aren’t approaching you doesn’t mean you must be anti-black, or not ‘with it’ in terms of black culture, as some of these other responses may suggest. Blackness is not defined by whether you are quiet or not — some people are just made this way, and they shouldn’t have to feel forced to change to show racial solidarity. The bottom line is men have to accept you for you — you shouldn’t have to put on a facade to get their affections. And if white men seem to be more attracted to you as you naturally are, then for pete’s sakes go for the white men. Men are men, no matter what color they happen to be.

User Detail :  

Name : Kristina, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : Transcriber, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Jake S.]

If I had a buck for each time I’ve heard a black female lay claim to the belief that black males don’t approach them because ‘they are intimdated”…

Let’s keep it real: I would imagine this is true in a few cases, but most of the time, this just isn’t so. Most black males like who they like and love who they love. Maybe they’re just not feeling you, your looks, your attitude, your personality or your character. You should thank God white males are approaching you and be happy about that.

There is a certain group of black women (Sistahs in the City) that I don’t approach, and it has nothing to do with me being intimidated by them. It has everything to do with them lacking a kindred spirit and acting more like men than refined females. By the way, the oft-quoted mantra of, ‘Strong Black Woman’ is interpreted by many black males as being a female with a standoffish attitude, coupled with the inablity to compromise. Do you consider yourself a ‘Strong Black Woman?’ What sane black man would dare want to get with a sistah like that?

User Detail :  

Name : Jake S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 32, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Adult Entertainment, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Corey32022]

Monique, why do you assume that because white guys are attracted to Nicole she must be ‘passive’??? And, What experience do you have to make the statement that white women are somehow weak?? Is it because some may be easy going?? How could that be considered weak (passive)?? Maybe white women just don’t like drama – which black women seem to love.

User Detail :  

Name : Corey32022, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, 

[Renee]

Be yourself. I am not far out of high school, and I remember how it was for me. I also had issues with black men approaching me vs. white men. Some of the reason is probably intimidation, but that is probably not the entire reason. If you are interested in a brotha, you may have to approach him. He may think you are attractive but that you don’t prefer black men, so he is not even going to try to approach you. Especially, if there are plenty of other black females right there that he doesn’t feel intimidated by or feel too nervous for whatever reason to approach. He doesn’t even have to put out much effort to get with someone. Many young black males are under pressure from peers to act a certain way. They may not approach you because of this. They see you and think, ‘If I get with this girl I have to act a certain way and treat her a certain way . . . man, I’ll look soft and I can’t have that. I’m hard,’ and all they can think about is how they will look. As you probably know, perception is quite important in high school. Unfortunately, many young black males haven’t matured enough to realize they can really be themselves, whatever that may be. For them it is hard because the popular culture says they have to act that way or otherwise they will be disrepected. Don’t be too discouraged, honey. No matter how many negative things I hear about a black man, I see twice as many positive things. There are plenty of good, respectful and loving black men out there. I have one. Just be patient. If you want to talk more feel free to e-mail me.

User Detail :  

Name : Renee, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Killian]

There’s so many reasons. First, what is the cultural and ethnic demographics of your school. Do you go to a public school in the South Bronx or a private/parochial school in Lower Manhattan? Geographic location and status play a large role. Are there even enough black men at your school? Secondly, you have to take into account homosexuality. Not everyone in this world is straight and a surprising number of guys you like could be closeted and coming to terms with their own sexuality (I know I was in high school, and I had a few girls that liked me). Third, economics and cultural factors play a large part in the level of comfort one feels in approaching a person. Do you have a stand-offish, ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude? Maybe the people you want to apporach you don’t share you same system of values and ethics. Maybe it’s you circle? Do you have a ‘reputation’ at your school? There are so many factors. You need to paint a better picture of yourself then maybe we can truly get down to the root.

User Detail :  

Name : Killian, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : University Student, Web Site Designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Matt]

If you were white and asking why do black guys always ask me out and why don’t white guys ask me out, I’d be willing to bet this thread would be full of ‘quit being racist’ responses. I’m not saying you’re racist, each person is entitled to be with whomever they choose. Can anyone see a double standard here?

User Detail :  

Name : Matt, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 19, City : Sacramento, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nick brooks]

I really dont care about race. Ive dated all types of girls. As long as you are true to yourself you have nothing to worry about. Explain to me what you think the sterotypical black girl is?

User Detail :  

Name : Nick brooks, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 17, City : hillsborough, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tonya M]

They may be intimidated by you or they just may lack the confidence to approach you. Don’t worry about it so much. Enjoy the attention you get from any male. Race shouldn’t matter as much as character and morals. If you find someone you are attracted to, approach him. You can make the first move. The pickings get better in college.

User Detail :  

Name : Tonya M, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Coordinator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Melissa]

You know what birds of a feather flock together… meaning maybe your personality is more like the ‘white’ guys who ask u out. And dont let anyone that because your not the stereotypical ghetto black girl, that your ‘white washed’ also are u not into white guys?

User Detail :  

Name : Melissa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Deaf, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Antioch, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Shaniece B.]

I think the keywords in this situatiion is High School. It’s not that often you see a teenage boy who represents himself like a man in High School. Boys will be boys! I think it’s just one of those things you go through. It can also be thought of the other way around; would you feel that the white boys were intimidated by you if they didn’t approach you? Everybody isn’t attracted to everybody and like someone mentioned earlier maybe your vibes are attracting white males. If you want a black male then girl go out and get him. This is 2002 you can approach him as well and let him know it’s not the way it seems.

User Detail :  

Name : Shaniece B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 17, City : a part, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Social class : Middle class, 

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