Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 25 years, 3 months ago by
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I’m a college-aged bisexual female. I am newly dating a guy (the first straight relationship I’ve had in years) and have run into several problems. One is that it’s been so long that I’ve pretty much forgotten what making out with a guy is like (guys are a lot different from chicks). The major problem, though, is that the guy I am seeing is uncomfortable with my sexuality. Even though I’ve tried to assure him that I have no plans on leaving him for anyone, he is petrified that he will lose me to another woman. What can I do to ease his doubts and make him comfortable with my sexuality? Please help!
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Name : Kory, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, City : Flint area, State : MI, Country : United States,Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make your boyfriend trust you or become comfortable with your sexuality. Ultimately, he’ll have to decide to trust you or leave the relationship. I had a very similar situation, only in reverse. I dated men exclusively until I was 28, when I fell in love with a woman. While I was completely faithful to her for almost two years, she was very insecure about my past and felt threatened by everyone. Ultimately her lack of trust soured the relationship and we went our separate ways. While I am in a wonderful relationship with a man now, I didn’t even think about anyone else – male or female – while I was with her. My ‘ex’ understands that now, but she couldn’t while we were together. All you can do is live your life honestly and with integrity. The rest is up to him. As for ‘what to do’ – ask him what he likes and explore.
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Name : Alicia31385, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,I’ve always puzzled about that one myself. Why would the threat of you leaving him for a woman be greater than you leaving him for a man? His being uncomfortable with your sexuality in general is interesting, also. That’s quite a hurdle the two of you will have to work on together. Perhaps it is tied into his own insecurity as your mate/boyfriend/significant other, and your being bisexual just gives him an easy way to express it. How often have any of us wondered what we did to deserve our good mates? Even the most confident person has to have moments of self-doubt. He may also fear for your safety – a valid concern.
It could also be a lack of understanding on his part. Not many straight people (being status quo) really delve into the minutiae of sexuality. It could be something he’s never thought about – he may have just accepted the popular opinion of his upbringing. It’s probably a combination of all of the above. Sexual orientation is a controversial issue. It is difficult to separate opinion from fact, and acceptance does not come from many sources.
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Name : Onewanda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 27, City : NYC, State : NY, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,It sounds to me like he’s got more of a trust problem than a sexuality problem. All I can suggest is that you give him no reason to distrust you. And if he still acts that way, I’d consider that a warning sign of possible possessiveness, which can be a real problem.
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Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,You know, I really don’t know what you can do to reassure him. I am a lesbian (have slept with many men in the past), but don’t consider myself bisexual, because although I have and have had many close relationships with men, but am totally not attracted to them sexually. I have a really hardtime understanding bisexuality not theoretically, but actually how it works for the bisexual person. I have had numerous bisexual (women) lovers who are now with men. I think the thing that is particularly threatening for either heterosexuals or gays or lesbians, is that there is this fear that their bisexual partner will have an urge to be with a person that can provide them with something that you can never. So, you can’t compete with that. We’ve all heard stories about bisexuals who loved their partners, but just had to be with another person because of the kind of experience they would have due to being a different gender.
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Name : K-Frances, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, City : San Francisco, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,If anything, I’d bet he’s reacting to what he perceives as the state of relationships in general: A decrease in fidelity across the board, perhaps? He might also have the conception that bisexuals/homosexuals are more promiscuous than straights in general, which is hard to discuss rationally. Perhaps assure him that you were just as faithful (if you were) with women as with men in the past.
I think trust is built, not innate. If he has no reason to mistrust you based on your history, he should be OK building trust with you now.
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Name : Gary, Gender : M, Age : 30, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,
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