[Amy]

I live just a mile north of Detroit and most of the places I shop have a consumer base of mostly African-Americans. I believe that you can’t judge a race based on a few people. However, I can’t go to Target or the grocery store without seeing an African-American parent either beating his or her child or threatening a beating. Now, I have no idea what that person’s day has been like or if the child has been acting up all day, but what I observe usually is a child quietly requesting something and a response of, ‘Boy, if you ask me for one more thing I’m going to beat your ass.’ and this usually is accompanied with a smack on the head. I’ve seen it happen to two year olds and 10 year olds. My daughters, who I’ve always told that it doesn’t matter what color a person’s skin is, see this and have come to the conclusion that black people are mean to their kids. I’ve shopped at lots of places with primarily white customers, as well, and while I’ve seen a white parent whack their tired kids during their 11 p.m. shopping trip at Meijer, it seems more prevalent in the African-American community. Please don’t bite my head off about this. This forum is supposed to be a safe place to ask these kinds of questions and if I can be given any sort of insight on this, I’m likely to be less judgmental. Though seeing a child slapped across the face will never come easy to me. And by the way, my kids are really well behaved and know my word is law and I’ve never once touched them in anger.

User Detail :  

Name : Amy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Metro Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Mom, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Michael]

I think this piggybacks on your other spanking question, but I think the answer is more cultural than anything else. For me it kind of boils down to black people a) being more willing to incorporate corporal punishment into their child-rearing, b) being less concerned with how they will be perceived publicly, and c) simply wanting their kids to know what kind of behavior will and will not be tolerated, regardless of setting. There is a school of thought that says this phenomenon – like much of African-American behavior – was a direct by-product of slavery. A slave’s master could sell him/her on a whim, thereby separating mother and child, brother and sister. Imagine if you will a scenario where every time your child cried too loud, made an error or even looked at the master wrong it might be the last time you’d see him: ‘Make that baby stop crying or I’m going to sell him…If he leaves that gate open again I’m gonna sell him…If I catch him eyeballing me again I’m gonna sell him…’ Black parents thus learned to take swift action with respect to keeping their kids in line, and that trend has continued. If I might address the flip side of your question, most black people think caucasians are horrible parents when it comes to discipline. The perception is that white people let their kids run wild and do whatever they want – particularly in public. Basically, you are perceived as not being in control of your kids. A prime example – if you watch the show – is Lynette on ‘Desperate Housewives’. Her kids are clearly little monsters and if there were more discipline at home perhaps they would be less likely to do all the dorrible things they contemplate. That is how white parents are perceived in general by African-Americans.

User Detail :  

Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 36, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Rhonda-P-Outlaw19721]

Amy, please. A good ass whipping (when deserved) never hurt a child. Sometimes ‘time out’ and all that other white folks psycho babble doesn’t work with a kid, ESPECIALLY a boy. I have a son who is nearly 13 years old. I can count on one hand the times I had to tap that ass. Let me share this with you real quick. My son was about eight years old. We had discussed prior to leaving home that there would be no visits to toy stores (we were shopping for dress shoes). Lo and behold, as soon as we get near the shopping center, he starts begging to go in the toy store. I said no. As we were crossing a BUSY intersection, he snatches his hand from mine and proceeds to stomp into oncoming traffic. I run after him, picked him up, got across the street safely, and proceeded to WEAR HIS ASS OUT!! There was a cop standing near one of the stores; he says, ‘Hey, hey…’ as I’m spanking him. I respectfully told him to MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS, because in a few years, IF he’s snapping handcuffs on my son, he’d blame ME for not doing my job and disciplining him. Anyway, I wore my son’s ass out, NOT for asking for toys, but for being beligerent, disrespectful, and damn near getting himself killed in the process. As a parent, I do NOT tolerate ANY form of disrespect; particularly from a son who is taller than I am. No rolling of eyes or other dirty looks, no sucking of teeth, no backtalk, no debating of issues with me. Now anything else is pretty much up for discussion; showing disrespect to ME, his mother, is NOT acceptable, is non negotiable, and MIGHT result in him spitting out a few loose teeth. As a result, I have a very mannerable, and respectful young man. I don’t go through the trauma and drama that many parents with kids my age go through. If a child does not respect his parents, he will not respect others.

User Detail :  

Name : Rhonda-P-Outlaw19721, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 44, City : Laurelton, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Account Rep, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Christine19722]

humm…I’m a notherner and I rarely if ever see that. I believe it’s probably some parents are strick and some are not geographically. With me my mom always waited until I got home before she discipline me, and looking back it was probably because she was afraid of other peoples conclusion such as yours. Maybe these people are not afraid of what others think. Personally , the south is more strick with a ‘ spare the rod, spoil the child’ philosphy. So Im thinking those people who punish thier kids in public are more concerned about teaching thier child proper public behavior rather than ‘oh gosh, how am I gonna look disiplining my child’.

User Detail :  

Name : Christine19722, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 19, City : Hartford, State : CT, Country : United States, Occupation : College student, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Sherry19729]

During my childhood I cannot ever recall being spanked or hit inside a public place; however, my parents did administer spankings at home. They would not have been able to discipline me by withholding material things or ‘groundings’ since I did not own video games, possess a television, or go out much. If ‘grounding’ or withholding of prized possessions are not viable options for discipline due to limited resources, then corporal punishment is the swiftest form of discipline available.

User Detail :  

Name : Sherry19729, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : Fort Worth, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Nurse, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Renee]

The biblical principle of ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ is still prevalent in the African-American community. I’m not talking about cussing at or striking your kids in frustration or anger – that’s wrong. African-Amerian mothers generally do not coddle their children or try to be their friend. My mother could have cared less if I thought she was the meanest mother in the world, her word was law. We tend to have more boundaries between adults and children than I see among whites (not a judgment, just an observation). When those boundaries are crossed, it’s corrected. It’s a common belief that many of the problems with today’s Black youth exist because we’re no longer ‘allowed’ by well-meaning members of society to properly discipline our children. But society is not so forgiving when these kids screw up. I’m grateful for every whuppin I ever got. Growing up in the projects in NY, I was too afraid to make the same mistakes a lot of my friends made. I didn’t know what my mother would do to me if I got pregnant or came home drunk or stayed out all night or failed in school and I never wanted to find out. That’s what kept me out of trouble. Biblical discipline is given in love, with the intent to keep the chid on the right path, not in anger or with intent to cause harm. It’s meant to literally put the fear of God in a child. To this day, I don’t cross God or my mother (and not necessarily in that order). There’s a saying, ‘the belt is love, the buckle is abuse.’

User Detail :  

Name : Renee, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 37, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : Mother, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Wendy E]

I live and have grown up in an area that is fairly evenly mixed racially. I have seen white people as well as black people snatch their children up and pop bottoms or the back of the head for misbehaving. I have received such and given to my own children. What you may not see is that parent has probably already told that child not to ask for anything while they are in the store. To reinforce the behavior by ‘just’ telling them no is not sufficient. They were given the warning prior to walking in the store. I have seen store managers call DHR on a mother for spanking her child after he ran down an aisle knocking displays over. She was black, he(the manager) was white. When the police showed up she told them she would beat her child in public or at home and teach him anyway she could to prevent him from turning out like a street hoodlum. She then collected her things and walked out the store. The police officer just grinned and said she reminded him of his mama(he was black). To me its a matter of humiliation/discipline. You know not to misbehave in the store because your mom will have no shame in shaming you in front of complete strangers the way you just shamed her.

User Detail :  

Name : Wendy E, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 31, City : Huntsville, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : Office manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jazzine]

I have seen this disgusting behavior too, but verbally/physically abusing our children is not standard behavior in the African-American community. One thing that is true is that African-American mothers have tended to be stricter disciplinarians that whites. I believe this is related the extreme racism experienced, especially, in the south. African-Americans needed to make sure that the children were well behaved, and as ‘invisible’ as possible so that they did not run afoul of rascist whites who might harm/lynch them, for anything they might consider disrespectful. Growing up, I saw many white children behaving in ways (tantrums, cursing at the parent, running around in stores)that my mother would never have tolerated. White people, and their children, did not have to live in fear of being harmed because of their, perceived, behavior; or the color of their skin, so it seems that whites developed a much more liberal approach to disciplining children.

User Detail :  

Name : Jazzine, Gender : F, Age : 35, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kim]

I’m not saying that you are lying but I have NEVER seen a child be it black or white ‘quietly request something.’ Especially after the second time. Usually b4 the child even gets out of the car the parent tells the kid ‘Don’t ask for anything, we’re only getting such and such and I don’t have any money.’ That’s how it was for my brother and I. Now that I’m an adult I realize it was because my mom was embarrassed that she didn’t have the money to get us the things we wanted. Not because she was embarrassed because we were ‘acting’ bad.

User Detail :  

Name : Kim, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Presbyterian, Age : 37, City : Douglasville, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : stay at home mom, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Rhonda-P-Outlaw19811]

…you’re certainly judging. I don’t believe ONE word you’re saying, Amy. Scratch that. I’m going to call you what you are…a BIG, FAT LIAR. I think you’re full of ‘ish’ (you figure that out). I’m African American, have been for 44 years, and I have a 13 year old son. I don’t see all this ‘violence’ being commited by African Americans against their children that you do, and I have lived in a predominately African American neighborhood all my life…note I said neighborhood and not a ghetto. I see black people, just like me, sending their children off to school with a hug and a kiss, actually enjoying a day at the mall or the park with their children, being loving, affectionate parents. And yes, I hear black boys and girls begging for toys, clothes, etc. all the time, and their parents are not cursing them out or slapping them upside the head. I don’t see all this abuse you claim to see. You are a silly white woman who had nothing better to do than to come on this forum and greatly exaggerate something you may have seen a few times, and try to make African Americans look bad. Get a life.

User Detail :  

Name : Rhonda-P-Outlaw19811, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 44, City : Laurelton, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Account Representative, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Susan Eckert]

First, I’m surprised no one’s answered your question so far. I hope you get this. Just to give you a little background, I’m from a very mixed background. (Lots of Indians think I’m Indian, Mexicans correctly identify me as Puerto Rican, and I’ve been asked if I’m from so many other countries, I’ve lost count.) But most white people assume I’m 100% black, so I would imagine when they see me with my son (who’s blonde, fair-skinned, and looks as if he’s at least part Irish), they see a black woman with a mixed child. But I read your question and wanted to share two things: 1) I think in part it’s cultural. In many places (particularly the south) I think it’s just how children are disciplined. One of my relatives used to quote the bible in fact, saying ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child.’ Also, many black mothers probably have experienced and know that it’s less socially acceptable for their child to misbehave in public. What I’m saying here is this: If a white child climbs a display and knocks things down, people are likely to say, ‘oh, they’re just being a kid.’ If a black child does that, somehow it’s a different story altogether. Then, it’s ‘Those black kids are so unruly!’ So, perhaps black mothers feel pressured to keep their children in line. That said, I want to inform you that your instincts are right. NOT ALL black people do any one thing. Same here. For example, in my marriage (my husband is blonde blue eyed and has a German, Swiss and Czech background), HE’S the one who swats my son on the behind! I HATE ALL KINDS OF physical discipline and so I even dragged him to a marriage counselor over it. I’ve never once struck my son. I never felt I needed to, and yet, because that stereotype of black women hitting their children is quite popular, I’ve been told more than once by old Irish women who’ve asked if my son’s father is Irish, to make sure I ‘treat him [my son] nicely.’ I know what’s lying beneath their comment, but I always respond with a smile and say, ‘Are you kidding, this kid is treated like the king of our household?’ because I understand where they’re coming from. Hope that helps. Susan

User Detail :  

Name : Susan Eckert, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/Native American/Puerto Rican/Irish, Religion : Bahai Faith, Age : 37, City : Brightwaters, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer / Educator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Essence-Price28677]

Ma’am I am also a witness of mothers, predominantly black, threatning or actually hitting their child in public areas. Although I have never witnessed a child being slapped over the head or in the face. If you really are witnessing this and is concerned mayeb you should call the child protection servies..especially if the children who are receiving the beatings are two years old..Which why I know you are stretching the truth a bit.Anyway this has something to do with culture and we laugh about it all the time..black people spank..white people time out..To a certain extent this is true but..its just culuture and it going back to relgion and blacks where in the bible it says ot not spare the rod..it will spoil the child..Meaning discipline with spankings..a mere scolding can do the job but it depends on yout children.Most kids I’ve witnessed need their behinds spanked to understand that you are not getting anything out of here..A polite no sometimes gives the child a reason to ask again.It depends on the child.

User Detail :  

Name : Essence-Price28677, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 18, City : Washington, State : MD, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[John28726]

Yeah I’ve noticed this too, especially on the buses here. I once thought it was something about poverty, but then again I don’t see so many Hispanic or Asian immigrant (usually, but not always poor groups) mothers get nearly as angry. At the other end of the scale are the white parents that let their kids curse them out in public. Everything in moderation.

User Detail :  

Name : John28726, City : albany, State : NY, Country : United States, 

[Nicki]

I’m not black, I’m Latina, but I often tell my daughter I’ll spank her if she doesn’t behave. I also smack her in the back of the head or slap her hand for being naughty. How often do I actually spank her? Maybe once every 3 months. How often do I give her a slap to the back of the head or hand? When she needs it, about once a week. Why? because it works. I realize it is very taboo now if you spank your child, or smack them in any way. But, do your research. Surprise! 50% of parents still spank their children. Parents have been doing it for thousands of years. Your parents probably spanked you. Did you turn out to be a mass murderer? Of course not. Are your parents mean, terrible people? Of course not. And, PS- My daughter is the best-behaved child I know, has great self-esteem, loves life, loves her mother, and is secure in the fact that I will be there to watch out for her and guide her through life. She is responsible, beautiful inside and out, smart, honest, and respectful, and that is because I am not lax in any way when it comes to parenting. Children feel good when their parents give them limits. PSS- If my daughter made the statement to me that black moms are mean, I’d tell her that I will not tolerate stereotyping against other races and explain to her that we are all human, no matter what our outsides look like and ask her how she would like it if black people thought all white kids were brats. Your daughter is learning to stereotype already. I wonder who she’s learning it from?

User Detail :  

Name : Nicki, Gender : F, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 28, City : Sacramento, CA, State : CA, Country : United States, Social class : Lower class, 

[ScarletteLastar]

The way children are raised in America is different from other countries, especially the older ones. I am part Congolese (Africa) and family is very important to us, as is the respect shown to our elders. Hitting a child is not frown upon, beating is totally different, and I agree, wrong, however the occasional smack is not a big deal. You may have seen only a part of what is happening, but I assure you that from what I have observed from my ethnic and white friends, the former are much more respectful towards their elders, so I guess the method works.

User Detail :  

Name : ScarletteLastar, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Half Black-Half White, Religion : Humanist, Age : 22, City : Montreal, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : student/receptioniste, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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