[S. Parker]

I think your concern about your grandchild’s ‘own heritage’ probably shows that your heart is in the right place. However, there may be no need for this heritage link; in fact, it could be a negative thing. What do you mean by heritage? Do you mean the child’s ethnicity and/or race, or cultural heritage? If you believe that because the child is black, the rules for good and loving parenting are somehow different than if the child were white, I strongly disagree. The child’s ‘own heritage’ comes from the parents, not from his or her skin color or genes or other circumstances of birth. Therefore, if the adopting parents identify with a German heritage, it should be shared with the child. If, as I suspect, the parents mostly identify with an American heritage, then they have something wonderful to pass along to the child in that case, too. Because the child looks significantly different from the parents, disclosure of the adoption to the child is unavoidable, but that’s fine. The child should receive the love that any child would receive, regardless of birth circumstances, and also reasonable straight talk about how the family came to be so constituted. But to guide the child to a heritage that is presumably alien to the parents would only serve to weaken the bonds of love and family that were developed over years. Allow the child the freedom to investigate any cultural heritage he or she becomes interested in, but always emphasize that he is rooted in your heritage, because you are his family. I cannot see the good in saying, ‘Your heritage is over there, and ours is over here.’ At no point is anyone saying that another heritage to which the child may have a connection is inferior or off limits. It just happens to be different. I hope you think about it. I’ve heard many blacks oppose adoption of black children by whites, on the grounds that the white parents cannot provide this heritage link. But again, heritage is not about your genes or skin color, it’s about who raises you. Don’t feel that you are required to ‘raise the child as an African American (or other black cultural group) child.’ Just love him as your own!

User Detail :  

Name : S. Parker, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 38, City : Aliso Viejo, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Self-employed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,