[Nicole]

My name is Nicole. I’m 17 years old. Maybe i’ll be able to explain teen suicide, because i know exactly why. As children, we are told that we’re beautiful, that we’re special, that we’ll always be loved. We know we’ll always have a place to go and people to run to when we feel lost and alone. Of course we hear stories about wild-teen years and growing up, but in our innocence, they all seem like campfire stories. In our minds, the world is good and everything’s fair. As our self-esteem grows, our awareness of the world around us shrinks. Then comes High School, an over-crowded facility where police officers with loaded guns patrol. Your classes are mixed classes with mixed messages and teachers who say that you’ll go nowhere and make you feel worthless. Standing up for what you believe in–just like your parents taught you–is ‘defiance’ and gets you in trouble. They break you down with fallacies that make you think you’re always wrong.You start fighting with your parents over grades and stupid stuff, and your Dad hugs you less, and your mom seems not to know what to do. You start realizing that you’re not special and it seems like there’s not enough time. You snap at people, try to justify yourself, and watch people you love slip away from you while your hands are tied and theres nothing you can do. And then friends suddenly disappear and are replaced by upper-classmen who surround you with mixed-messages about sex and drugs. you’re 14 and end up dating a guy whose 17 and letting him talk you into doing things you’re not ready for because ‘everyone else is doing them’ or ‘you have to do it sometime’ or “don’t you love me?” Your little victories in your life are never good enough for anyone else and all you want to do is make everything right. You keep giving and giving and giving, all the while being stepped on, until you have nothing left to give and everything you do only makes it worse. You stop caring, and start crying more, and then calling yourself a whimp because you’re crying. You feel powerless and small.You start realizing that the world isn’t a good place, and you’re not a good person, and no one cares whether you live or die in this life…and frankly neither do you.

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Name : Nicole, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, 

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