[Lora]

As a white female, raised in an ethnically diverse are of Seattle, I can tell you that my own reluctance comes from having things I have said misunderstood and taken as racial slurs. I usually tread very carefully in discussions of race and culture until I know the other person well enough to have seen their ‘heart’. It is from the heart of the person that you know whether what they are saying has racist motivation or not. I do feel that we all need to be less defensive and more willing to try to talk about issues of race and this Y? forum seems to be a good place to start.

User Detail :  

Name : Lora, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 51, City : Pleasanton, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Retail Operations Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Lora]

Several years ago, I was in need of a temporary place to stay, and a friend needed someone to stay with her elderly mother until a permanent aid could be located for her, so it seemed natural that by moving in, two needs would be met. After two weeks of this woman complaining about everything that wasn’t really wrong, and being angry when I found things that really did need to be fixed, I finally contacted a geriatric nurse for some advise on how to deal with her. This is what I learned. They are afraid of being abandoned: many older people don’t want things fixed as being ‘needy’ gets them attention. They are afraid of being dependent: they feel a loss of ‘personal power’: they no longer have children at home, they are retired and have no responsibilities to attend to, they are physically failing and don’t feel they can fend for themselves, so they strike out in the only way they can, verbally. They are often angry at not being able to take care of themselves in certain ways, so when someone does something for them that they CAN do for themselves, they get angry as they feel that what little ‘power’ they do have, is being taken away. They fear the loss of their mental capabilities: they have a hard time grasping new concepts and changes, they will become frustrated and angry with the situation when they can’t figure it out, or can’t understand it. They fear isolation: their peer group is dying and the world, as they knew it, the social structure that was theirs, all of these things have changed in ways that they can’t always grasp a full understanding of. All of this information helped me to better be able to interact with my friends mother, and, it also gave me the ability to be more charitable towards the elderly in general. I feel that our societies ‘cult of youth’ has done a great disservice by alienating us from the issues of aging. We may look younger, but our insides are still aging and we all will have to contend with these issues eventually. All of this has helped me be more compassionate towards the aging and their physical, emotional and mental needs. I’ve also made a point to make friends with elderly people wheenever I can. I hope this helps a few folk out there be more patient, and maybe, even get to know some of these ‘grumpy old people’ and help them have a better day.

User Detail :  

Name : Lora, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 51, City : Pleasanton, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Retail Operations Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

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