[Antoine]

When I was growing up in Baltimore, no black family in my neighborhood owned a computer. However, most of my white friends’ families had computers. (It seemed I was the only kid among my black peers willing to withstand the ostracism that came from spending time with white kids … even in their homes.)

I don’t think I let a Christmas or birthday go by where I did not ask for a computer, but I eventually learned that we simply could not afford one. Any time I spent using a computer was when I was at my friends’ homes. At some point, a white colleague of my grandmother’s gave her a used Texas Instruments computer to give to me. I spent hours writing code for simple graphic patterns and stuff. Eventually I wanted a better one… an IBM, like my white friends had. I also remember wanting books, disks and cartridges for the Texas Instruments computer, but, of course, no one could afford them for me.

I love computers. As an adult, I’ve had some low-end database management jobs, but I like computer graphics and design more. Many of the friends I grew up with have really nice jobs in the programming industry now. One guy is making more than $100,000 working for the State Department. They are all self-taught. Right now I’m making about $25,000 basically pushing paper and entering data into databases. Sometimes I think, ‘Man if I just had my own (real) computer when I was a kid…” Who knows? When I was a kid I thought, ‘Man, if only I could be adopted by a white family.’ That’s actually what I thought.

I think I will have to take classes to catch up with my white peers who I grew up with. I just don’t have the time I’d like to devote to teaching myself. And I can’t really afford the classes. I have to note that I still feel hurt, anger and resentment from when I was a kid. Once I realized the economic disparity between my family and other black families and the families of the white kids I knew. It’s just something I feel, but I don’t know that anyone in particular deserves it.

User Detail :  

Name : Antoine, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : Black/African American, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 30, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Data Entry Clerk, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

[Antoine]

(A SIDE STORY) At 7 or 8 year old I was banded from some of my white friends houses because I would steal things and bring them home to my family… like a cordless phone once, and a digital alarm clock or what ever. It was really an innocent attempt to even things out. I stopped once my one friend’s parent took the time to tell me that she really liked me, but was having trouble trusting me. I could feel her sincerity. She wanted to find a way to have me continue to spend time at her house without tempting me to steal from the change dish in the living room. She asked me if it would be better if she’d put the dish somewhere else. I told her not to and that I wouldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t. I felt really valued by her and so stopped taking things. But I never, I guess, resolved why the economic/affluent disparity existed. This woman saved me from believing that I was a thief, because I was beginning to believe this. Other parents told their children that I could not come into their houses anymore because I was a thief. I certainly didn’t feel like a thief, or rather, someone who shouldn’t be trusted. She helped me to see that I was trust worthy, despite what others parents said. This family moved away when I was eleven and I didn’t spend any more time with them. When I was 16, her son, my friend, died from complications with cancer. I never knew. By the time I was 18, only one or two white families lived in the neighborhood where I grew up. The others moved away. And with them went good law enforcement, public park restoration, community programs and exposure to computers. In came, crack cocaine and some other things which a difficult to talk about. I didn’t mean for this to be so long.

User Detail :  

Name : Antoine, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : Black/African American, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 30, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Data Entry Clerk, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

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