Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 26 years ago by
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I have noticed that young women, ages 15 to 25 and sometimes even younger, like to date or pursue guys who are going to treat them badly. Is this true, and if so why?
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Name : Justin W., Gender : M, Age : 20, City : Canton, State : MI, Country : United States,Some possible reasons: 1) Women like attention. A guy who may end up treating them poorly starts out treating them well, then things slowly go bad. 2) She may fall in love, so doesn’t leave, and she often feels she deserves it. 3) Low self-esteem. 4) Maybe she doesn’t see any way out. 5) I t could be she thinks he will change, or she will change him.
There are many different reasons; there are different reasons for different young women, but none really want to be treated poorly.
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Name : Beth, Gender : F, Age : 20, City : Madison, State : WI, Country : United States,Young girls don’t have as much life experience and may not be able to see the signs that this seemingly nice guy is rotten underneath until it rears its ugly head full force. As we grow older and gain experience, we see these things earlier. Also, there’s the “bad boy” fantasy. Lord knows I dated enough of these in my younger years, but as I grew older, I realized that the bad boy fantasy should stay just that: A fantasy. These aren’t the kinds of men we really want to end up with in life. Another possibility is that a young girl may feel a lot of pressure to have a boyfriend and will put up with anyone. The pressure to have a boyfriend or husband doesn’t necessarily lessen as she grows older, but she will hopefully have gained enough confidence to know that it’s OK to be without a man than with a jerk.
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Name : Christine, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Hibbing, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Reservations Sales Agent, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Many girls find the “bad boy” image exciting, and unfortunately the image and the poor treatment go hand in hand. I can speak only for myself, but I found that in my relationships I want a strong man who can hold his own and isn’t going to back down to my every whim. Unfortunately, the “nice guys” I’ve dated were spineless when it came to standing up for themselves. I found they made better friends than lovers. But I also found that there are “bad boys” who are strong-willed without being abusive. I don’t tolerate abuse, but I welcome a strong opinion. Unfortunately, some young women have a hard time seeing the difference.
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Name : Bren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 25, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Day Care Director, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Sadly enough, I’m only 21 and have known three women close to me who are/were in abusive relationships. In all cases, the father figure was either non-existent, sexually explicit or a misogynist. Sometimes that kind of father teaches a girl what not to tolerate in a man, but more often than not, she’ll go out with men who are like her father. In one case, my friend married too young and to a mentally/emotionally abusive, racist man. Toward the end he began getting physically abusive, and she left him. Her father was verbally abusive to her; I know because he did it in front of her friends. He also cheated on his wife and treats her like a second-class citizen.
The other two situations aren’t much better, and they follow the same pattern. In turn, the daughters went out with terrible men, unworthy of anything but a cell space in jail. This isn’t the only cause for women going out with abusive men, but I find the pattern pretty scary.
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Name : Syd, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Asian, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Austin, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : College student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,When I read this question, I was instantly reminded of a wondeful book by Barbara De Angelis, ‘Are You The One For Me?’ in which she talks about unfinished business from childhood. It could be that their fathers were abusive. If so, in their adult lives these women seek to ‘finish the business’ of childhood in their mates. If the father was abusive, that may mean trying to ‘fix’ an abusive spouse or perhaps punish her father through him. When someone in a family is dysfunctional (such as a father), very often other members (such as a daughter) adapt to their behaviour and become dysfunctional themselves. At any rate, when the daughter seeks a spouse, she may (unconsciously) seek someone who treats her like her father–better the devil you know, as they say.
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Name : T.C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Web Developer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Here’s a bit of a twist: Some research shows that women find more masculine and more effeminate men attractive by turns, depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. The implication is that aggressiveness and a nurturing demeanor have different values depending on whether a woman is (presumably on a subconscious level) looking for a sperm donor or a life partner.
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Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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