[Baby-T]

Why is it that when I’m in a mall or store I always seem to see white kids telling their parents what they should and shouldn’t do? Don’t the parents know how to control them?

User Detail :  

Name : Baby-T, City : Elgin, State : IL, Country : United States, 

[Pete S.]

The simple answer is that from the time these children were infants, they were in charge and they knew it. Every time they cried, mommy or daddy came running to see what was wrong. As infants, the children learned that they had control over the adults by using certain behaviors. As the children grow older, the parents might try to re-assert their authority over the kids, but the kids would find new behaviors to stay in charge. By the age of three, most children’s behavior patterns are set for life. My wife and I are often amazed at the interaction we observe between controlling children and their docile parents. The fact is that Dr. Spock was wrong (and admitted it before his death), as are so many pop psychologists. A swift swat on the butt of a misbehaving kid establishes control and who holds the authority in the family. Parents who let their kids walk over them LET their kids walk over them.

User Detail :  

Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Jorge M.]

I think my generational peers – white and black – who are in the ‘baby boomer’ generation tend to resist growing up. They want to be ‘kids’ forever. Being a kid and being a parent are incompatible, so they let their kids ‘run them.’ I’m an exception – I think you’d consider me a ‘controlling’ parent.

User Detail :  

Name : Jorge M., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Hispanic, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 43, City : Jacksonville, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Human Resource Professional, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Shari]

Here’s my theory on this. It’s all about the parents feeling guilty. Both are working and the kids are raised by Miss Susie at the daycare. (I know some parents have no choice – they both have to work to make ends meet. But when Mommy is a doctor and daddy is a lawyer, you can believe that one of them could afford to stay home and teach their children some morals. Apparently, the BMW and the $600,000 house are more important). So when the parents are actually around the kids, they want to make up for their absence and let the kids do whatever they want so they’ll be happy. They do not discipline them because they don’t want to make their children unhappy. Let me tell you, this drives me nuts. As for hitting the kids to show who’s in charge, that is not necessary. You are only teaching your kids that violence solves problems. HOWEVER, this does not mean that you don’t discipline your children. When they do something wrong, they need to be pulled away from the situation. When the child has calmed down, HE needs to tell YOU what he did wrong, why it was wrong, and what would have been a better choice. If YOU tell HIM, believe me, he’s not listening. If it happens again, privileges are lost. Hitting of any kind is not necessary. Discipline does not equal corporal punishment. There can be discipline without violence. I never hit my kids and they know who’s boss. You just have to be consistent. If you say no, you MEAN no.

User Detail :  

Name : Shari, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Canton, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Mom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Melissa]

I don’t know what is wrong with my parents’ generation (the baby boomers). My parents are very cool, but they’ve never just handed me anything. I am expected to work and earn what I have. However, many of my friends who are around my age (say 19-30), have these parents who just BUY them everything…pay rent on their apartments, buy their cars…anything so the ‘kids’ don’t have to WORK. I’ve wondered, personally, if it’s not so much a race thing as it is the whole ‘divorce generation’ thing. My parents have been together almost 30 years, and THAT is definitely a rarity in my age group. I think a lot of parents overcompensate for the fact that they’re divorced, and the ones who aren’t divorced have (generally) two parents working to run the household who don’t make the time or the energy to effectively deal with their kids, which is also somewhat new in my generation. Disciplining your children just fell to the wayside with getting ahead in your career. These parents do their kids a grave injustice by letting them rule them, and I can say one thing from definite experience… no one really ever appreciates anything unless they have to work for it.

User Detail :  

Name : Melissa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Montgomery, State : AL, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Author]

Posts