Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 23 years, 12 months ago by
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I am a white, 19-year-old student and want to know why African-American girls treat me so rudely. Whether I encounter an African-American waitress, bank teller or peer, in every walk of life, black women seem to hate me. I am always polite to people I come in contact with, strangers or not, and I don’t understand why something about me seems to naturally offend African-American women. Of course I have been in contact with many exceptions, but the vast majority of African-American women seem to hate me. Is it because my skin is white?
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Name : Kayeli Heard, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 19, City : Baton Rouge, State : LA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a woman who has had mant extended visits to Baton Rouge, I’ve never really seen anybody be rude to anyone else on a grand scale(try visiting Boston or D.C.).I can only say that you should really take a look at the way you are treated by people across races. If after doing so you still feel you are treated in a unduly rude manner by black women, then maybe it has to do with the way you act toward them and they are responding to that. One doesn’t have to be ‘rude’ for people respond poorly to them; they could be condescending,patronizing,phony, or pretentious. You seem to be a nice person, so it may be that you act in a manner that is not yourself in a way that you don’t around whites. A lot of times, even ‘liberal’ whites will act differently around black people, perhaps without even noticing it. But the other person notices, and many people take offense to this kind behavior and respond accordingly.
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Name : Mandi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 21, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,There is no excuse for maltreatment of anyone. The problem is that the people you encounter are feeling hated and not appreciated for who they are. They may see in you all the advantages they did or do not have and it makes them jealous. Usually, confronting jealousy doesn’t do anything except turn to green-eyed envy. You will do well to befriend the Blacks who are secure and love people because they know God and don’t define themselves by others. Pray for them and you will gain a blessing (possibly friends too)!
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Name : D. Rashid, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : African-Native American, Religion : Christian, City : Fairfax, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Information Specialist,People of all colors are racist so *some* black females may not like you because of your skin color, but if the ‘vast majority’ seem to hate you, I then *you* are probably the problem, not these black females. It could simply be your perception that they do not like you. Are you falling into a self-fulfilling prophecy trap? Do you assume that black females will not like you, so you only notice rude behavior, or misinterpret behavior and assume that they are being rude to you? If you are determined that it is not your imagination, then talk to your other friends. Ask them if they notice any way that you might be unintentionally offending black females. Also ask them if the ‘vast majority’ of black females are rude to them also. I don’t think they will have the same experience as you.
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Name : Anna, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 22, City : VA Beach, State : VA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I don’t know if it’s worse out there (I’m from California), but I too have had to deal with rude treatment. My husband is Black and he says that Black people have a chip on their shoulder about doing anything that smacks of servitude, and unfortunately, that extends to many employment positions. It’s sad, but my husband does not like to patronize Black establishments for that very reason. When my husband has to deal with government workers or the bank, he tries to maneuver himself so that he is helped by a White person. He says they will bend over backward helping him. I’ve noticed that lately there are more Black restaurants that practice good customer service and I enjoy going back. Hopefully, that’s a trend. By the way, in other situations such as church, family, etc., I’ve never had the same problem — nothing but warmth! One more thing before I go: Have you ever thought if you were Black, what kind of Black person you would be? It’s not very comfortable when people seem to dislike and mistreat you for something that’s not your fault, is it?
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Name : Janis C., Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 50, City : Long Beach, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : copy editor,Kayeli, i’m sorry that you feel that this is happening to you. Without more information about what specificly happens in these situations, it’s hard to say. Sometimes, what is simply a taciturn, reserved demeanor on the part of black people is read as surly, standoffish behaviour on the part of white people. That’s not to discredit your experience; you seem like an upbeat, sweet-natured person, but not everyone is the same way. Sometimes, since black people are more reserved in service situations, they might wonder why you’re insisting that they interact with you with the same ‘intensity’ with which you greet them. Of course, maybe these ladies have issues with dealing with people in general, or white people specificly. Maybe it’s hard for them, but they know they can’t avoid it, and it makes them angry. This is the same way some white people must feel. White people don’t have the corner on the market of prejudice. It’s a very human trait. Try to do what we do, or at least what I do, when in situations like this: 1) be sure that it really is the situation, and not your own insecurity influencing your perception of the situation 2) If the issue is poor restauraunt service–and it’s obvious–do not leave a tip, and leave a note explaining why. If it’s a retail situation, and the behavior is really bad, tactfully complain to the manager, preferably in writing after leaving the establishment as to avoid humiliating the clerk, which won’t help her change. Good luck! Jerks come in all colors. Don’t let them live in your head rent-free. __________________
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Name : Jennifer R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Humanist, Age : 29, City : Saint Paul, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer/Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I can only answer for myself. Sometimes you can be having the best day and you speak to a white person and they give you that look. So then you feel really bad, and say you know what I am not going to speak to any white person again.I’m not saying that this is right, but it just gets to you sometimes. And maybe those people just dont’ like white people.
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Name : Lisa J., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 28, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think it’s in you’re head. Along the same vein, I can ask why every white male I’ve met over the age of 25 somehow thinks I’m stupid. I’ve met my share of white men who give off that vibe, but not many. That doesn’t make me brand all white people that way.
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Name : Hurley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : Berea, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,
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