Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 9 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 11 months ago by
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My five year old son is very sensitive and fastidious. I would not assume these traits to say anything about his sexual orientation when he grows up, but lately he has been asking me if boys can get married and last night told me he was going to marry his friend, a boy. I have gay friends and am very open-minded. I will love him the same no matter what but It does worry me and scares his dad to death. I know we’ll have to wait and see, but does anyone out there know when boys begin to know something is different about them?
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Name : Renee, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 35, City : San Antonio, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Actress, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,This may not be what you want to hear. When I was about five, in my imaginary play world, I used to see myself living with my friend in a flat, and we would have all sorts of adventures together. My ‘friend’ was male. I am not saying my experience is typical or that this implies anything about your son, but I have talked with other gay men who had this sort of notion very early on in life.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 35, City : Melbourne, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : corrections officer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Like you said, there is no way of knowing now. Only time will tell. Now about your question; For every boy, the times are usually much the same. I have seen, through networking in the gay community, that there are two major groups of people who know WHEN they are different. Like me, I always knew i was ‘different’ but didn’t associate this with sexuality until the age of 11 or 12, around the age of puberty. Now, I have many gay friends who are like me, and others who knew since a very young age, around 5-7. Your boy may know he likes boys, so please make sure that your husband tries not to scold him for acting ‘gay’ or saying things that could be associated with homosexuality, as this could be taken as rejection by your son. Talk to your husband about the possiblities of your son being gay, so you see exactly where he stands and work on him so his feelings don’t affect the relationship between him and your son.
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Name : Kevin, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I knew from about age five that I was heterosexual because the thought of having sex with another male has always been gross and completely unappealing to me. By no means am I a homophobe, though, because I have family members, friends and co-workers who I respect and get along with who are gay or bisexual. I don’t think I ever chose to be heterosexual, I was born that way. I think that most boys know from a similarly young age as me whether they’re gay or not.
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Name : Mike19599, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States,I wouldn’t worry just yet. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was about 11 or 12. I think your son is just curious. Is there a possibility he’s seen some of the hubub on TV about gay marriage? If so that may have just sparked the question. I have several straight friends who didn’t like girls at 5 – you must remember that girls have cooties, particularly at that age. Being sensitive and fastidious isn’t necessarily an indicator, either. I was pretty butch as a kid and turned out gay, so there’s really no telling. It’s more likely that he’s just developing his personality and his fastidiousness may be a blessing in disguise. At least you won’t have to nag him to keep his room clean. And keep this thought with you: the odds of him being straight are in your favor. I’m just glad that you’ve decided to support him if he does, in fact, turn out to be gay. My parents made the same statement, but didn’t follow through on it at all and it haunts me every day.
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Name : MC, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Omaha, State : NE, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a gay man myself, this tends to be one of the questions I am most frequently asked by straight friends and colleagues – ‘When did you know?’ My stock reply is always ‘What about you? – When did you know that you were straight?’ As heterosexual children start to notice that the opposite sex is different and ‘interesting’ in a particularly sexual way, so gay and lesbian children notice their own gender to be ‘interesting’ in the same manner. I think too much can be read into the behavior of infants and young children who maybe don’t conform to stereotypical roles of boy/girl behavior. Sensitivity – and even effeminancy – in a grown man doesn’t neccessarily mean they are gay. I know a lot of very camp straight men! Equally, young ‘tomboy’ girls who climb trees and aren’t interested in dolls are not neccessarily lesbians in the making. Saying he wants to ‘marry his friend’ is a very innocent and, I think, sweet concept in the mind of a 5 year old. How can a 5 year old have any real understanding of marriage? His best friend is the pal he enjoys spending his quality time with, and I think you should be pleased for him that he has someone he so obviously truly loves as a friend, or maybe even a substitute brother (I’m not aware from your post as to whether he has any siblings). Back to the question though; There is no set age for realizing one’s sexuality – everyone matures at different speeds. For sure, being gay or lesbian is a case of nature, not nurture – and so whatever your reaction to him, it is unlikely to change whatever is pre-determined. The important thing is that you love him, and that he feels loved by you. Enjoy the thrills of parenthood and the pleasures he brings to you.
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Name : David, Gender : M, Age : 45, City : Preston, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom,I’ve known since age five or six that I was somehow different, but it wasn’t until 13 or 14 that I knew for sure that I’m gay. It varies from person to person. Some children may exhibit extreme gender nonconformity as early as 18 months, but they won’t know for sure they are gay until around puberty. Gender nonconformity, by the way, is a tendency to behave like someone of the opposite gender, and it might be an early indication that the child is gay.
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Name : Brendan M., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,My experience is that it varies. Some friends of mine have always known they were gay; other gay men I know didn’t come out, even to themselves, until their sixties or later. For me it was very confusing initially. I knew I was different from about 10 or so. But because I liked girls too, it took me until my early 20s to realize I was bisexual. I think you’re right not to read anything into your son’s behavior at age 5. My brother got some homophobic bullying all the way through school, because he was sensitive and fastidious. He turned out to be entirely straight. I can’t resist adding: please don’t worry or be scared about your son’s sexual orientation, regardless of what it turns out to be. He’ll be fine, particularly if he has a supportive and caring set of parents.
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Name : Doug19655, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 35, City : London, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,At 7 yrs old I can specifically remember enjoying the feeling of being held by my male teacher, a Hug, a smile, ect.. I am now sure that I was seeking compensation for the lack of a fatherly influence since my own father distanced himself from me because he noticed I was, what you call fastidious. I never received a hug, a kiss, or a sensitive conversation from my father. So I sought it from sexual partners as I grew older. At elementary school my classmates called me names such as gay or fag, in the 70’s I didn’t know why i was being called these names. so I distanced myself from those kids who did call me names, also distancing myself from playing games and socializing in sports. since researching my Spanish heritage. I noticed there are men who just are more gentile than others. More sophisticated in nature and gesture. This does not make them Gay. Not all Boys are made to be a football star. some are built to be a scientist which calls for a fastidious nature. This doesn’t mean your son shouldn’t be explained how to play sports or fix a motor. But it would be nice of the Father who gave the son a choice and a chance. God Bless your Family
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Name : Paul Sanz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Akron, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,First of all, you mention how you will accept your son, regardless of who he is, correct? If so, then why are you so scared? Shouldn’t that mean that you are willing and ready to embrace anything that he throws out at you? So, first of all, I would ask if maybe you really would accept him for who he is. Second of all, I’ll go from personal experience. I’ve always had thoughts about men, and women never really hit it for me sexually. So, I suppose you could say I’ve always ‘known’ (even though for the longest time I didn’t have a word to put to it). I personally think that everyone knows about their sexuality, it’s just whether or not that person choses to embrace it, or hold it back.
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Name : Dan W. Jones, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : St. Louis, State : MO, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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