Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 26 years, 2 months ago by
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My husband of five years has avoided sex, and me, for the past 17 months. In the beginning of the relationship he had a low sex drive, but as the years went on, the sex has come to a standstill. He sleeps on average of 10 to 15 hours a day, is lazy and is your basic “momma’s boy.” The couch has become his bedroom, and when confronted about his problem he claims he doesn’t know what the big deal is. He works at an all-male prison, has lesbians as his close friends and works closely with a gay man. He is in his early 40s and cannot communicate. I suspect he may be gay but cannot deal with it. I am openly accepting of others’ lifestyles and have love for all humans, so it’s not that I would judge him for his preference. I am absolutely lost and left hanging. How can I tell if my suspicions are correct? What signs are there? Please help.
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Name : Marilu22265, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 41, City : Sonora, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Law enforcement, Education level : 2 Years of College,I’m not an authority on this, but could your husband be suffering from depression? The loss of interest in sex and sleeping 10 to 15 hours a day strikes me as being symptomatic of a depressive disorder.
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Name : Jarrett, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, City : Augusta, State : GA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I’m a 42-year-old gay man who is very active in my community and has known a lot of gay men who married. My partner and I both did. What you describe is almost classic for the type of depression suffered by a gay man who has stuck himself into a straight life. He may still be struggling with admitting who/what he is. No doubt he struggles with self-hate and denial or he wouldn’t have tried to force himself straight. He may feel very guilty about what he is putting you through, but he can’t be truthful to you until he is to himself. All of it is about him, all of it is his struggle and all of his mess must be resolved by him. You seem lonely, unhappy and starved for affection and intimacy. You do not deserve to be in this place, and there are so many resources out there to help you. For a great place to start, look up the web page for PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). There may even be a chapter near your home. They will help you find information and support online and up close. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to wait for him to open up before you start finding some answers about what you need for your own life.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I would definitely have your husband visit the doctor to be screened for depression. I happen to sell medicine that helps treat depression, and he is exhibiting classic signs. The things to look for are: Fatigue or loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts, significant weight loss or weight gain, insomnia or increased need for sleep, inability to concentrate, depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, agitation or lethargy.
Five (or more) of the following symptoms have to be present during the same two-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure. I hope this information will be helpful. You also may want to try to open the lines of communication with him and simpliy ask him what is wrong.
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Name : Rose29489, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 33, City : Baltimore, State : MD, Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Thank you for your reply. How you were able to say all you did and be right on the nose with your commments absolutely knocked me over. That is how I’ve been feeling for more than two years but never could put it in the exact words you did. I have confronted him since, and of course, it ended with denial and he attacked back by finding fault with my physical appearance. I know by blaming me it keeps him in a constant state of denial. But anyway, I want to thank you for your honest opinion, and I just want to know, did you blame and attack your wife when you were playing the “straight life”? Could you not be intimate, hide from any sexual contact and find fault with her? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but you seem to be right in your answers concerning my suspicion about my spouse
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Name : Marilu, Gender : F, City : Sonora, State : CA, Country : United States,
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