Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 17 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 17 years, 7 months ago by
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I am blond and blue-eyed, and the last thing I want to appear like is the ‘typical’ stuck-up, oblivious, ditzy, unsympathetic white woman. However, when I am in Chicago where I live in the summer, I get a little nervous when I walk just about anywhere and get comments from black men such as: ‘Hey gorgeous’ or ‘How you doin’ today?’ I don’t get comments or gestures like this from other races or ethnicities. It is flattering, and I try to take it for what it is – a compliment or friendly gesture – without being ‘too’ friendly back, but also without being a bitch. But what am I supposed to do? If I wear baggy clothes and don’t bother to do my hair, I feel self-conscious – if I wear nice-fitting clothes (I’m not talking about showing skin or wearing spandex) and do my hair, I feel self-conscious. Am I being racist by being a little afraid? I don’t know what I think will ‘happen.’ Do black women feel threatened when black men come close and make comments?
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Name : Deb M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Law Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,Girl, I know just how you feel. I work in Washington, D.C., and it’s like black men here feel they have the right to say something to every black woman they see. (It’s even worse back home in my Caribbean nation.) The remarks are complimentary, but I still feel a bit offended because, more often than not, it comes across as being lustful, aggressive or lecherous. I see it as harassment. They don’t seem to harass white women as much as they harass black women, but I’m sure they do harass whites sometimes. What’s more, it seems that black men harass black women in public much more than white men harass white women. Can’t all men learn to be more subtle, more tactful, more polite?
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Name : Bella23340, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Afro-Caribbean, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,I wouldn’t let your hope of political correctness override your own feelings of security. What’s more important, the feelings of some guy on the street you don’t know, or your own life? While 99 percent of the black men who bother you on the street aren’t going to do anything more than annoy you, there is certainly a minority out there who will. Dropping your guard just because the man is black so as not to appear ‘ditzy’ could have dire consequences. By the way, the same appeals to white men, who are more likely to rape white women, though less likely to attempt interracial rape.
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Name : Seamus28263, Gender : M, Age : 23, City : Charlestown, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Construction, Social class : Lower class,I am an attractive black woman from Detroit. I feel just as uncomfortable as you do in those situations. I do the same thing. I try to be polite, without encouraging further interaction. I agree, men from other ethnic groups do not behave the same way; and neither do all black men, but the ones who do intimidate us all.
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Name : Denise25837, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 37, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don’t see a problem with just walking away. I don’t think it’s snooty or stuck-up at all. I can’t tolerate strange men trying to pick me up on the street, as it isn’t proper for them to do so.
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Name : Cynthia31779, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 24, City : Toronto, Ontario, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : Graduate Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I always get harrassed by black guys, more so than any other group. I think this is because flirting with and bothering women in the street is encouraged among young urban men more than any other group. I was once followed by a 10-year-old boy who was followed by his father, encouraging him on with, ‘get the digits son!’ He couldn’t understand my dismay at the disrespectful ways he was teaching his son; he thought it was normal.
In regard to the response, there’s no perfect one – if you ignore them, you’re a bitch/stuckup/lesbian, and if you’re friendly, they’ll follow you home, insisting that you give them your number, and become a nuisance. What I usually do is pretend I don’t hear them and go about my business. Always walk with purpose and keep your head up and don’t let anyone intimidate you.
Though, saying that, most guys who try and talk to girls in the street mean no harm, they’re just uncooth and too dumb to realize that they’re not doing you a favor. I’m sure women of all races encounter this by men of all races. You are not racist to be cautious of aggressive men – you are just exercising common sense.
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Name : Jay31102, Gender : F, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States,An interesting question. I’m a black woman and had to deal with that on a daily basis when I lived in the big D. In my experience, I’ve learned that if you just acknowledge the compliment by saying ‘Thank you,’ some guys will leave it at that and move on. However, I’ve had some men call me a bitch and tell me I ain’t s*** just because I didn’t want to be bothered with responding to them – particularly if he was just a bum asking for change, or some old, dried-up, sorry looking fool. If a brother goes off on you like that, just ignore him and keep on walking.
As for the mode of dress, if you’re not comfortable wearing certain things because you don’t want any more attention than you feel you can handle, then don’t wear them. I understand that because I’ve been there, too. Unless you’re in a dangerous area, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Some brothers probably think that because you’re a white girl that they can imtimidate you easily, but if you feel – and this goes for any man, period, regardless of race – that a man’s violating your space, tell him to back up off you, and quick. Sure, he might get mad and call you a bitch, but that’s HIS problem. If you feel that you have to stand your ground, do it – but in a tactful way. Don’t go off completely on him unless he’s being a real a**hole. Also, be careful who you go off on – you never know what kind of crazy fool you’re dealing with. And last but not least – dress however you like!
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Name : G.K., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Security Guard, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’d like to respond to what Cynthia said. What do you mean you don’t think it’s proper for strange men to try and pick women up in the street? How else is anyone supposed for find a partner? If you only ask friends out then you’re severely limiting your choices. I don’t know that many women, so if I wanted a girlfriend I would have no choice but to ask a girl out on the street. I don’t see what the problem is with doing that.
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Name : Jamie, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Torbay, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : designer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I am a black woman and black men say things to me on the street from time to time. I tend to think that the obnoxious black guy on the stoop saying ‘Hey baby’ is the black equivalent of the obnoxious drunk white guy at the bar making a pass. I usually acknowledge the compliment and keep walking without slowing down. If the guy keeps talking, I keep politely blowing him off. One of my friends, though, suggested saying, ‘I’m sorry, I’m in a rush to get to the clinic. Got to get my test results back.’ See how quickly they approach after that. Good luck!
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Name : Rinnie, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 22, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,There is nothing stuck up about not wanting people to comment on your apppearance in the way you have described. No man black or white should feel thay have the right to throw comments such as this at any women. The use of such comments is patronising, arrogant and franky sexist. They are aimed to demean women and reduce them to the level of sex object. This is not your problem to worry about it is the ignorant men who should be worrying
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Name : marcus, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : roe, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Equality and Diversity Specialist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don’t think you’re being racist at all. Whenever I dress up black men will comment on me also. Being a black woman that makes me feel good that there are still brothas out there that find black women attractive. They have not bought into the white is right stereotype. But when it comes to them invading my personal space then I have a problem. I don’t like people who I don’t know in general getting physically close to me without me inviting it.
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Name : Simone28016, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 23, City : White Plains, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’m Black & attractive. I also have a rather large wedding ring on. I don’t appreciate ‘Urban Friendliness’ phenomenon one bit and the ring doesn’t seem to stop it. I respond politely while looking the perpetrator straight in the eye showing them that I am not afraid of them, while not encouraging anymore interaction.
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Name : Julie27035, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 32, City : Woodbridge, State : VA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,yes black women feel threatened by skinny,dumb white blondes.black women have it bad when it comes to finding a good black man without yall stealing them all from us.
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Name : alisha-tate, City : memphis, State : TN, Country : United States,You are a nice person. I have gotten much ruder comments and I did feel afraid. I had one experience where I politely rejected the advance and the man said ‘what’s the matter, you a racist?’ Did he expect me to feel guily and intimidated into accepting his advances? I said ‘no you are being rude and I’m not interested.’ The guy followed me for a few blocks and I was scared. Black women deal with unwanted attention by being sassy. You are a white woman and shouldn’t be expected to respond the way black women do. Keep up what you are doing.
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Name : Kathy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Fresno, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class,I find this to be a very interesting situation because when I see good looking woman on the street I have to think that she has been told how good she looks more than enough times for it to become annoying. So I figure that I would just smile and not say a word and what would you think her response would be? She probably would think that I was gay! I have heard this said more times than you would imagine. And just because I was trying NOT to be so annoying to her! So now I’m confused! What would a woman suggest that I do?
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Name : KofiM, City : Jersey City, State : NJ, Country : United States,
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