Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 21 years ago by
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I am confused because I have heard that people with disabilitites do not want help opening doors or picking up things. I tend to think I should automatically help a person with a disability, but I don’t want to be a pain if the person does not want my help. Can anyone with a disability share his or her opinion?
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Name : Suzanne F., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 21, City : Worcester, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’ve found that it varies from situation to situation. Here’s some general rules that will be of help and won’t get you into trouble. Always let them get on and off the elevator first. If you see them struggling with something (having trouble opening a door, etc.) approach and say something like ‘hey buddy, need a hand?’ If you’re walking along and you get to the door first, hold it for them as you would anyone (I always do for a lady… if it’s a dude I’ll give it a good push so it will stay swung open by the time he gets there). Just subtle actions like that should make you feel more at ease.
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Name : Dan27305, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Pentecostal Christian, Age : 21, City : L.A. area, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Social class : Lower middle class,Ask if you can offer assistance instead of forcing help onto someone, or ignoring their struggles. They are human just like the rest of us. I would imagine some disabled people would appreciate the help, while some prefer to fend for themselves, just like those of us with all our limbs and organs working. Just because two people share a common disability doesn’t mean they want the same things in life.
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Name : Onewanda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 27, City : NYC, State : NY, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Humans help one another, and that’s a wonderful thing. But every human is different, and people with disabilities are humans. There’s another option besides automatically helping or never helping: Ask. And then wait for the answer. ‘May I offer you a hand with that?’ is never an offensive question, as long as the asker is sincerely waiting on my answer. Some days I need help, some days I don’t. Some doors are easy, some are hard. Some days I can think clearly, some days I can’t remember what day it is.
Here’s an example of what not to do that I witnessed last month: My buddy, who uses a manual chair, was rolling out of the pool where we’d just been swimming. A woman came up behind her and said, ‘Want a push?’ and my buddy said, ‘No thanks, I’m fine.’ It didn’t matter – the woman had already started pushing my buddy. When the ‘no’ answer finally registered, the pusher offered this comment in the voice one uses with three-year-olds throwing a tantrum: ‘Well, I never! My brother was in a wheelchair and he never minded when I pushed him!’ That ‘pushy’ woman wanted to help so she could do her ‘good deed’ for the day, or perhaps to bring back the memory of her brother. It had nothing to do with my buddy, and that’s why she didn’t listen. So please, feel free to be wonderfully human and offer a hand, but also be wonderfully human and listen to whether your offer is needed that day by that person.
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Name : Jesse the K., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Disability : Wheelchair user, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : Madison, State : WI, Country : United States, Occupation : civic activist, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,I do not have a disability, but my experience has been that asking is the best way to tell if your help is needed. If a person in a wheelchair is approaching a door, you can say, ‘May I get that for you?’ If s/he says yes, then do it. If they say, ‘No, I have it,’ then go on your merry way.
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Name : JP29165, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : Miami, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Grad student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,My motto is ‘be polite’ and help everyone that you can. By that, I mean … hold doors, pick up dropped items, help frazzled moms with kids, etc. This means everyone – abled, disabled. I often get rebuffed or ignored or taken for granted (ie: door holding) but so what? It is my way and I do it for everyone. It seems to me that we could all be a little nicer to each other.
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Name : siouxZQ27882, City : Merrickville, State : NA, Country : Canada,I’m a female with a disability, and I always appreciate it when someone holds a door or picks up something I’ve dropped. Probably not everyone feels this way, but I think it’s a very nice gesture, and I try to do the same for someone else.
User Detail :
Name : Julie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Orthodox Christian, Age : 38, City : Ashland, State : OH, Country : United States, Occupation : counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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