[Jaimie W.]

I am the daughter of an African-American/Japanese man and German/Irish woman. Through school and a lot of travel, I’ve gotten to live in and around many different races and cultures, but when it comes to boyfriends, 90 percent have been white. Though I am mixed myself, and though I see attractive African Americans and Asians, I can’t imagine ever dating or sleeping with one. This makes me feel icky, like I have some kind of racial and/or sexual hang-up. Or is it just because I don’t want to date my dad? Anyone have any theories?

User Detail :  

Name : Jaimie W., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/White/German/Irish/Japanese, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : Wenatchee, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Journalist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Dee]

I don’t have a scholarly theory but rather a few off-the-cuff remarks. First, most people are, to some degree, of mixed heritage. So it’s considerably unlikely that your ethnic/genetic makeup has much, if anything, to do with whom you choose to date. There’s nothing twisted or freaky about making choices that meet your personal preferences. To admit that you prefer white men almost exclusively as partners is fine (sometimes we forget that white men are beautiful and worthy beings, too!). Unfortunately, many people who are biracial by physical appearance feel pressured to organize their lives in ways that capture every angle of their bloodline. As impressive as this is, it’s an almost impossible task. It does no one any real harm if you opt not to date, sleep with, or are even repulsed by the thought of intimacy with black or Asian men (trust me, there are plenty of people who feel the complete opposite). I hope you find love that allows you to be who you are both inside and out. By the way, we all have preferences (short, tall, thin, large, wealthy, educated, outgoing, shy, etc.). Personally, some of these characteristics appeal to me, others don’t.

User Detail :  

Name : Dee, City : Cleveland, State : OH, Country : United States, 

[Walt L.]

I feel your feelings are embedded in resentment, and if you truly want to overcome them, you have to go out of your way to meet and socialize with more minorities – a sort of reverse racism. You apparently grew up resenting your Asian and African heritage and wishing quietly that you were 100 percent Caucasian/Anglo. You aren’t. And although you sound like a particularly lovely girl, it will help you tremendously to come to grips with your feelings.

User Detail :  

Name : Walt L., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 55, City : Littleton, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : Business owner, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jeni B.]

It would appear to me that you are avoiding men who are like your father for a couple of reasons. They remind you of him and you are unable to date any man who could take the place of your father, or you are harboring resentment because your father passed on genes to you that you would rather not have. I would lean toward the first, simply because you do describe some of these men as attractive. Be cool about it. Get to know them and don’t look at their shells; look at them. You could be missing some wonderful times.

User Detail :  

Name : Jeni B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 33, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Software Technician, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Taneia]

I think it has more to do with your past dating experiences, your degree of attraction to various men and the degree to which African-American or Asian men approach you that determines who you end up having relationships with.

I come from a mixed ethnic background as well, and find that I can be attracted to almost any nationality or ethnicity of man, but my experience has led me to be approached by a majority of black men vs. white or Asian or “other.” Consequently, I’ve had more relationships with black men because I assume (and perhaps I shouldn’t) that I am not considered attractive to white and Asian and “other” men.

Everyone has his or her personal preferences in terms of what they consider attractive. Maybe your preference just happens to be Caucasian. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar – I don’t think you have to necessarily analyze your dating choices as a subconscious indication of any Oedipal/Electra complexes you have about your father.

User Detail :  

Name : Taneia, Gender : F, Race : multi-ethnic, Age : 26, City : Toronto, Ontario, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : grad student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[David]

I have to disagree, respectfully, with Dee’s remarks, and this also addresses the original poster’s concerns. Preferences and dislikes for men never hurt the woman – she’s getting what she wants. But, ultimately, it hurts the man who is rebuffed. It hurts women, too. The statement, “It does no one any real harm” simply isn’t true. When a black man leaves a black woman to be with a white woman, the black woman is left alone. When an Asian woman leaves an Asian man to be with a white man, the Asian man is left alone. We may be able to rationalize that it’s “OK,” but our justification cannot put a blind eye to what we see out there in the real world – that people are often treated less-than-worthy because of race. That applies to politics and sex alike. As an Asian man who’s been rejected aplenty by Asian women in favor of white men, I know that from experience.

User Detail :  

Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian-American, Religion : Campbellian, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Law Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Robin29592]

So are you saying that when an Asian woman leaves you for a white man, it is more painful than if an Asian woman left you for another Asian man?

I tend to think rejection hurts simply because it’s rejection, and that it really has nothing to do with race. My African-American husband left me for another African-American woman, but I don’t believe that experience would have beenr more or less painful had the “other woman” been white.

User Detail :  

Name : Robin29592, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 36, City : Lansing, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[David]

Why is it more wrong when race is involved? A black man leaves a black woman because he prefers a white woman. There is absolutely nothing she can do about it, to improve or redeem herself. She is black and will never be white – that’s the problem with race-preferencing. Something neutral (race) has been turned into something wrong (inferiority). Instead, that black man will find happiness and success, while the black woman is left alone, and perhaps angry. The racial hierarchy has begun, where the “prettier” races have it easier than the “uglier” races. That’s the result of racial preferencing.

User Detail :  

Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian-American, Religion : Campbellian, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Law Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Hallie]

My guess is that there are more available white men in your area than there are black or Asian men, and that’s why most of your boyfriends have been white. Wenatchee, Wash., doesn’t exactly sound like a melting pot (such as New York or San Francisco) to me. Let’s remember that the majority of America is white. You don’t have to pair up with someone with a racial background identical to your own.

User Detail :  

Name : Hallie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 16, City : Frankfort, State : KY, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, 

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