Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 22 years, 10 months ago by
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How do I keep myself safe without offending people? One Oprah show tells me to guard myself from strangers, another tells me how offended black males are when people ignore or avoid them. I’m not assuming all black males are dangerous – if I’m someplace unfamiliar I’d avoid any strangers – but to a black male it might appear as though it were a race issue.
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Name : Tracy M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Presbyterian, Age : 44, City : Madison Heights, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,You have no control over how other people perceive your actions. No matter what you do or say, at some point someone will misunderstand you. They will color your actions with their own experiences or prejudices about you. You can’t live your life trying to make sure this never happens, because it will. If you treat everyone equally regardless of their skin color, and someone perceives something you do as being racially motivated – like locking your car door when a black man approaches – then I guess that person thinks you think black men are criminals. What can you do?
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Name : Lucy-H22668, Gender : F, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 25, City : San Jose, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Your safety is a priority; others’ feelings aren’t. I know exactly which ‘Oprah’ show you are speaking of, and the advice came from Gavin de Becker, who wrote The Gift of Fear. If you feel there is reason for you to be cautious of someone, it is so much more important to keep yourself safe at the expense of someone else’s feelings. You could possibly be wrong, but what if you’re not? It’s stupid to put yourself at risk because of the way someone might feel. You don’t owe anyone any explanation for your actions. And if you trust yourself and your intuition, you’ll probably be right. I would definitely recommend reading The Gift of Fear. I worried about the same problem constantly until I put myself in the position of the person I might be offending, and I can say I would prefer to be offended than to have someone place themselves in a potentially dangerous situation.
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Name : Julia, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 20, City : Arlington, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Secretary, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,I think you should stop watching Oprah, because the issue is not really as complex as you seem to interpret it. A lot of people do ‘unconsicous’ racially motivated things. Black people will notice when it’s directed toward them. Consider this:Have you ever had the feeling someone didn’t like you, even though they were seemly nice and cordial toward you, and the things that they said/did offended you even though the same things from other people wouldn’t bother you? That’s what it’s like. I know the difference between a security detail standing near me that’s policing the store in general and one that is following me. In short, if you hold the racist views and ‘unconciously’ act on them, people will notice and be offended. So the only thing you can do is change your attitude, and your behavior will follow.
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Name : Mandi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 21, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,You raise an important issue for women; we must be cautious at all times when we are approching any male with whom we are not familiar with. This does tend to offend black males. However, the true equality is that we are treating them as we would any white man who we did not know. Always be cautious!
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Name : Anastasia-Guarnotta, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : European, Religion : Lutheran, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Activist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Well, I will say that if you are really concerned about protecting yourself, one of the key things to do is to not appear scared or antsy around strangers. I see so many white women particularly that walk about public looking so timid, scared, and like if anyone says ‘boo’ they will fall to the ground and shatter. I do agree that being wise and tactfully impersonal around unfamiliar environments and people is usually a good idea, but to act and seem obviously apprehensive is not a good idea as people who may be looking to start trouble love to antagonize people who fit that ‘intimidated’ profile. If no one is making any obviously threatening gestures or behavior towards you, then you have no reason to make obvious intimidated behavioral actions and gestures towards them, this way you don’t set yourself up for appearing vulnerable to people who intend harm and you don’t look like you are discriminating against someone of another ethnic group. Yes there will always be a possibility of misunderstanding in everyday life, but wise actions like this will help to lessen their frequencies of occurance.
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Name : Mindkandy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 22, City : West LA, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : college student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I would say if you feel unsafe protect yourself, but examine the reasons why you feel unsafe first. You say that you dont’t see all black men as dangerous,but which ones seem harmless and why? I would just ask you to look for the same qualities in black people that make you feel comfortable around whites. Don’t necessarily look for a smiling face, but a generally non-menacing demeanor. I find that usually when white people fear me or a man I happen to be with they have only looked at him long enough to discern a race and height. When you look for positive characteristics it makes it just that much easier to spot dangerous people.
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Name : Ashley-M23491, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Presbyterian, Age : 18, City : Charlotte, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Social class : Upper middle class,
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