Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 17 years, 8 months ago by
.
- Posts
I have noticed that my 18-year-old daughter is collecting objects I associate with sado-machistic tendencies (handcuffs, whips, blindfolds, etc.) I am not sufficiently informed on the subject to approach her. Could someone familiar with or who perhaps enjoys this eroticism please explain the motivations and gratifications of this sort of foreplay so I can open a meaningful dialogue with my daughter? I need to assure myself she is ‘playing safe.’
User Detail :
Name : Martha-B, Gender : F, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States,You are assuming your daughter is sexually active. I think that if you want to have a discussion with her about safe sex, a) you waited too long, and b) – do not bring up the S&M topic. I have a feeling that with the way pop culture has been driven lately, she could just be curious and just keeping them ‘for show.’ Does she have these items sitting around in her bedroom left for you and the world to see? Is she in a commited relationship? If she is in a relationship, I wouldn’t concern myself with what her bedroom habits are but maybe ask her whether she has seen a gynecologist for an annual exam, etc. That would present you in a more teen-friendly manner. I would confine ‘the talk’ to that of her health and general welfare – which is what you should be concerned with, anyway. I think you may embarrass her needlessly, and that would do more harm for your relationship than good.
User Detail :
Name : Kris26222, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Newark, State : NJ, Country : United States, Occupation : sales, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,At 18 years old, I’d think she was just collecting that stuff for the fun of it. But if she is really doing that kind of thing, then there are many aspects that make it appealing to people. First, I’ve talked to lots of women who say if they participate in bondage and dominance, it’s a way of having sex, but not really taking responsibility for the act, because the guy is being dominant and “forcing” her. So she isn’t really doing it, if you follow that logic. She may just be doing it to be “extreme” like everything else these days. Either way, it’s not like it’s a bad thing. Just make sure she’s safe and that she isn’t being hurt or really forced into something she doesn’t want.
User Detail :
Name : Mark A., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Clinton Township, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Paramedic, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,Well, to start things off, there is nothing wrong for anyone choosing the S&M lifestyle if that is what can make them happy. Also, your daughter is 18 years old, and she may or may not be sexually active. Her sexual habits are really not your concern. She is 18 after all, she is still exploring who she is as a person. Let her make her own sexual decisions. You should also know that most people into the S&M thing are very attentive to taking care of their partner. It is not a one sided pleasure thing, but yet, both parties are getting something out of it. There are books out there and people too that can tell you how safe these things are and can explain a little bit about what goes on to you. There is no real need for your concern unless it turns into something destructive for your daughter. Since you seem to know about the internet and its works, maybe that would be a good tool to help you learn.
User Detail :
Name : Jeff G., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 28, City : Cedar Rapids, State : IA, Country : United States, Occupation : Computer Consultant, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,The items you’ve listed are owned by many thousands of people and don’t in themselves indicate anything more than an interest in spicing things up a little. S & M goes all the way from a little teasing all the way through to being a lifestyle. There’s plenty of reading to be done online… I would suggest starting somewhere like Castlerealm.com if you really need to read up. Safe, sane and consensual are the main points for many that are into this scene. It’s not about inflicting damage, and low self-esteem… it’s power exchange needing more trust and understanding between partners than you will find in most ‘conventional’ relationships. Good luck to you. I doubt you have anything to really worry about, but I understand your need to make sure.
User Detail :
Name : Bruce, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Kent, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom,She’s just being a teen goth S/M poser. I wouldn’t worry about it.
User Detail :
Name : antics, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 25, City : Mountain View, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I also have all those things… wouldnt dream of using them I just brought them for the sheer Kink factor and the shock factor that you can say hey look at me I have hand cuffs and a whip… hope my experience helped if only a little
User Detail :
Name : Mathew-Clancy, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 21, City : Newcastle, State : NA, Country : Australia, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,If she’s 18 in Detroit, then of course she’s sexually active. The S/M gear could be just a fashion statement and nothing more. However, it is good for a parent to be concerned about a daughter’s safety. There are extensive S/M communities in many large cities, including Detroit. The vast majority of S/M practitioners use what they call “safe, sane and consensual” guidelines. There are lots and lots of rules to make sure nobody gets hurt. If you’re sure your daughter is mature enough to tell the difference between a responsible partner and a wacko, perhaps you could open a conversation by simply asking her pointblank about the cuffs. She probably will be uncomfortable talking to a parent about it. Try not to be judgmental–make sure she knows you’re asking only out of concern
User Detail :
Name : GordonR, City : Salt Lake City, State : UT, Country : United States,
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.