[Sara]

I’m newly involved with a man who couldn’t be any closer to my ‘ideal’ if I’d conjured him up myself (and he says the same about me). There’s an almost magical quality to our relationship; the happiness and healing of our talking, laughter and touch can’t be described in the word limit here.

I’m only troubled that his past experiences (‘baggage’) are keeping us from fulfilling the obvious promise of our relationship. Does anyone have any thoughts on soothing a soul scarred by previous betrayals and devastating disappointments in love? The time we spend together is fantastic for both of us, but I want more, and he wants safety. I’m empathetic to his caution and am trying to be patient, but given the situation, it doesn’t come easy for me. Any ideas?

User Detail :  

Name : Sara, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 38, City : Jacksonville, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Computer Scientist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Matthew]

Let me offer you some advice. I doubt you will like it, because I didn’t like it when I first heard it, and I am trying to put it in place for subsequent relationships. The advice is: Don’t have any expectations. The Buddhists say that expectation is the source of pain. Try to just enjoy the time you have in the moment. If you go too far from the moment, you will find that between your baggage and his, there will be no one to porter them for you, and your relationship will not be so grand. So please, enjoy your relationship while you have it. By staying in this moment, if you are strong enough, you can turn this moment into forever.

User Detail :  

Name : Matthew, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, 

[Peter]

‘Baggage’ from prior relationships comes in all shapes and sizes. Being hurt or betrayed is like the steamer trunk of baggage (keeping the metaphor going). It takes a lot of time to get over being betrayed, it is human nature to avoid future hurt. I think it is great you two have such a harmonious connection. Relationships like yours should be cherished because they are not easy to come by. Be patient. Through your love and kindness, your mate will will see that your intentions are good, and he will respond. Trust, and enjoy what you have.

User Detail :  

Name : Peter, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 40, City : Alexandria, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Project Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Greg21568]

My advice would be you both do therapy to resolve your baggage issues, individually and as a couple. We dont live in a culture of tribal elders or extended families to mediate these things, it is often helpful to have one experienced in communication help us with the language of needs and fears.

User Detail :  

Name : Greg21568, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Taoist, Age : 37, City : Sacramento, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Miriam20487]

That’s BEAUTIFUL, man!!!!! I am taking notes!! My question: How easy/hard is it to live in the moment? I don’t know if I can speak for all women but I truly believe that a lot of females are constantly thinking in terms of the ‘ideal’ mate, especially when we first meet or go out on that first date. ‘Is he the one?’ is the question that pops up in my mind frequently. Sometimes you don’t want to get your hopes up, but then again you’re so excited that you’ve met someone who isn’t a loser, scrub, etc. After watching Oprah a few times I wonder if the majority of women been conditioned to think that they’re ‘supposed’ to be married? I think that its easier for men to live in the moment than women.

User Detail :  

Name : Miriam20487, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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