Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 8 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 17 years, 9 months ago by
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I don’t consider myself to be racist, and I don’t feel that I have nothing against people of other backgrounds and colors than I am. However, when someone says something about dating another race other than my own, I find it impossible to see them as being attractive. I don’t really have friends who are other races than I am, but I have grown up and go to college in a predominantly white area. Perhaps this is part of the reason I think this way? I am not sure. But is this normal? I don’t judge others who date outside of their race or ethnicity. I just would never want to myself. Why is this, is this normal, does this make me racist??
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Name : Jaime, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 19, City : Boulder, State : CO, Country : United States, Social class : Upper class,There’s nothing wrong with having dating preferences. However, your preference to avoid dating outside your race might have more to do with social class than anything. You have indicated within your original post that you belong to the upper classes. Upper class females do not date or marry ‘down’ under most circumstances. In addition, there’s the strong societal perception that nonwhite men tend to be lower class. Moreover, I know of many upper class white females who wouldn’t be caught dead dating or marrying interracially because it might appear as if they are falling down the social class ladder. You may not realize it, but you have been subliminally trained to find certain men attractive. These attractive men tend to be very similar to ‘daddy’ regarding the looks, social class, racial-ethnic background, educational attainment, and occupational prestige.
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Name : Sherry28678, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Fort Worth, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Nurse, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,If you are more comfortable dating and marrying within your race or your people, then that alone is not racist. Inter-racial dating is a big topic these days, but if you notice, most people ‘stick to their own’–and it’s not just sticking to their own race, it’s sticking to their own country, town, education level, height, age, etc. I wouldn’t say any of these people are prejudiced. I believe you are inclusive rather than exclusive, but you are also looking out for the ‘right one.’ The right man for you can come from your own people or from another. It doesn’t matter, as long as you are happy together. You think that you can’t be comfortable with ‘black’ or ‘oriental’ man, and if that doesn’t change, so be it. Just as you can’t ‘judge’ folks in an inter-racial relationship, no one can ‘judge’ your preferences either. But you are young, and anything is possible for the future. Two years ago I never imagined that would be happy with a man from a Muslim country, but here we are.
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Name : Teresa28680, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Gurnee, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : student,Your feelings seem normal when considering your background. You might become interested in dating a person of another race if you spent some time with people of other races, like I did.
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Name : michael28681, City : chicago, State : IL, Country : United States,Contrary to what certain folks want you to believe, not being physically attracted to other races is not a crime, not abnormal, and doesn’t mean you’re a ‘racist’. It means people from other races fall outside your current internal paradigm for attractiveness, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE. You are only 19, and as you get older, see more of the world, and are exposed to more people of other races, your internal paradigm may very well expand. NEVER, EVER let the PC Fascists make you feel ashamed if it does not, however. (This comes under the heading of the ‘diversity’ they so love to flog, whether they like it or not).
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Name : Ann L. Lowenstein, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Animist, Age : 37, City : K.C., State : MO, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,This is very normal Jaime. All of your life you have only been surrounded by people of your culture and race so basically it is what you are immune to, anything different would not feel right. For example a mother who breastfeeds her child initially and then all of a sudden puts them on enfamil….once you are used to something for a long time you become familiar with it and already have set in your mind that these are the people who are most like yourself. Personally..because of my personal views and upbringing I would never date outside my race..let alone marry..It could be just a personal preference..it has nothing to do with being racist..it has to do with what you are attracted to. If you don’t judge others you’re fine..Personally I do not believe in interracial love when the man is black and the woman is white..but that’s another subject
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Name : Essence-P, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 18, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,The simple fact is that the more a person’s background is different from yours, the more difficulties and obstacles there will be for you in dating that person. By background I’m including race, age, class (economic and/or social), education, geography (urban/rural, part of the country), life experience, etc. Most people are more comfortable with people who are pretty much like themselves in all of the major observable ways. That’s not to say that two people with very different backgrounds can’t date, fall in love, marry, etc. It’s just that for most people, it will be harder to do so–in part because of things within ourselves, and in part because of the way our families, friends, and society as a whole will treat such relationships.
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Name : Dave28945, Gender : M, City : New Orleans, State : LA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I don’t believe in this whole concept of people never being attracted to someone out side of their ethnic/racial group. Basically what it boils down to is a learned hyper-xenophobia that most of us are raised and immersed in since childhood. That is, we are taught and socialized to fear, mistrust, and dislike people who do not ‘look’ or ‘act’ like us. At one time this socio-cultural learned behavior may have served the purpose of allowing cultures and societies to survive and and persist in the face of aggressive take over by invading tribes, nations, cultural ideologies, and so forth. Therefore, it is no surprise that it becomes almost second nature to develop friendships and loving relationships with others who resemble you physically and culturally. We also prefer to live in communities that tend to be predominately made up of individuals who look and act like us further instilling the xenophobic attitude in our psyche. However, despite this socially learned behavior there is still the genetic predisposition or wiring in most humans to seek out diversity or difference in thought, environment, and people. This results is greater genetic complexity and diversification that eventually leads to greater adaptive capabilities and flexibility in changing environments and conditions. Hence the strong inherited aversion most of us have toward incest (i.e., having sexual relations with siblings or other family members who probably are more like you than anyone else on the planet). Thus, when you say that you do not find others outside your racial group attractive I find it very hard to believe. I am more willing to believe that it’s a conscience and personal choice on your part to only date individuals within your race because of past & current experiences/transgressions at the hands of others from another group, a learned belief that others are inferior to or somehow less than individuals from your racial group, or simply because of a deeply held fear of leaving the the comfort zone of being with people who look like you.
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Name : Jollygreengiant, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Clinical Research Associate, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,You aren’t a racist. You have your preferences and they can be whatever you want them to be. I have never dated outside my race. I’ll never say I won’t but I haven’t and don’t plan on it. I’ve seen attractive white men; but, I can never see myself with them. I’m not attracted to them that way. Doesn’t mean that white people are ugly or undesirable. It just means that I am more particular than some about what turns me on.
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Name : MichelleW, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Program Developer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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