Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 15 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 4 months ago by
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How do I tell my parents I don’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness? They raised me in that religion all my life, and the last five years I’ve been questioning it and can’t get straight answers. I consider myself an atheist and know it will hurt them as if I told them I was gay or something (which I’m not). Any suggestions on how to break the silence will be appreciated greatly.
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Name : Dena, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : Upstate, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Upper class,While your parents would like you to follow in their steps, you have chosen not to do so. Faith is something that you must own for yourself, or it won’t hold water. Questioning one’s parent’s religion is a normal part of life because growing up means asking the tough question ‘does this aspect of their life apply to me?’ which applies to all aspects of life. If you are committed to the Truth, keep asking questions until you find someone who has answers that satisfy you.
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Name : Ronald-V29454, Gender : M, Religion : Christian, Age : 49, City : Edmonton, State : NA, Country : Canada,Just be upfront with them. As posted earlier it will be hard, but in the end, they will find out anyway, or you will be miserable for the rest of your life. My relationship with God is a more spiritual, a one on one, connection then found in most organized religions. Though it is not what my parents would like, it has gotten me through all of my toughest times. You may tell them that you are searching, just as they once did. After I moved out, I searched many different religious organizations, and then ended up believing in the God my parents taught me about. On a side note, be careful in calling yourself an Atheist, since there is not 100% concrete proof either way. Agnostic may be more appropriate. I’m open to answer questions for anyone who may feel otherwise.
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Name : Jermaine, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : Gainesville, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Web Designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Being a gay son of missionaries, this was perhaps the hardest thing in my life to do: to tell my parents that I did not want to belong to a religion that considered my unchosen lifestyle a sin. The only way to do it is to flat-out tell them and to be prepared to give your reasons why you do not want to be a part of their religion. They will be dissapointed and may be for a long time, but the bonds of parent/child love will hopefully overcome their grief, and they will accept you and your reasoning despite their beliefs.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 42, City : Ben Lomand, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Part of your parents raising you as a Witness should have involved giving you the opportunity to think for yourself. As you know, free choice is a gift from Jehovah. The best way to tell them is to be up front. Explain your feelings and the reasons for your choice. (Are you baptized? And if so, have you had a change in heart?) It is better to tell them now than to have them find out some other way or for some other reason. Keep in mind, they have brought you up based on their beliefs, which includes a responsibility to inculcate the truth into you. They may feel they have failed you. In the end, just make sure you are making this decision not out of a momentary feeling but out of your heart. That’s what Jehovah looks at. Adolescence is a time when we all question most things in our life. In the meantime, I’m worried that you wrote you haven’t been getting straight answers to questions. If you feel your parents aren’t being straight with you, perhaps you could talk with someone in your congregation who might be comfortable answering some of those questions. And, if you’d like, I would be willing to answer any that you have.
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Name : Stacey, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 30, City : Ellicott City, State : MD, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As someone who told his family the same thing, I can say the best way to do it is to just get it over with. My family is a different religion than yours, but I was just as anxious. If you just tell them and get it out in the open, it’ll likely not be a big deal after a while.
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Name : Ben, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 25, City : Morgantown, State : WV, Country : United States, Occupation : salesperson, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I know how you feel. My parents are Witnesses, too, and you have that whole fear of rejection, yet frustration from keeping on with something you’re not sure if you believe. I think it’s cool that that one woman from Maryland offered to talk to you, and if you’d like a second opinion from your exact standpoint, you can email me any time you need.
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Name : J., City : Central, State : WV, Country : United States,I was in exactly your shoes at your age. I was raised in Protestantism and when I started asking questions and realized that Christianity didn’t answer them, I knew it wasn’t for me. It’s great that you’re asking questions, but it’s also a hard part of growing up. My parents knew that I didn’t share their beliefs, but were in denial and even when I flat out told them, they STILL denied it. They are well respected in their church but it still makes me feel guilty and sad because it reflects badly on them that their own daughter is not of their faith. But one thing parents have to understand is that they cannot control their children’s lives and you are eventually going to grow up and make your own decisions. This is a part of the process of becoming and adult and someday, your own children will make choices that you don’t agree with but eventually, all parents have to let go.
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Name : Emily, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,That is a warning sign telling you to get out. I strongly believe jehovah’s witness is a cult religion. you are almost grown. you have the right to make your own decisions.Even if they disown you, you would be hurt. but, you move on and everything will be alright.Just remember these words,’God will never leave you nor forsake you.’
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Name : Sharron28107, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Norfolk, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I am very hesitant to get involved in this discussion because I am afraid that I might misspeak or sound insulting. Have you been associated with Jehovah’s Witnesses for a lengthy time Kim? If there is one thing that we are well known for, it is our willingness to explain our beliefs to any who are interested. I would think you would be able to find many people, including your parents and others in the congregation, who would be happy to answer just about anything. You may not like or agree with the answers though. It’s a difficult world to live in according to the bible’s standards. That can cause some people to find holes in beliefs they might otherwise embrace. As for your concerns, a person is only a witness of Jehovah if they are involved in making his name and purposes known and if they are living their life in harmony with his standards. If you choose a different life, don’t let your parents be the last to know.
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Name : Kris, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Rochester, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma,Just tell em. I’d suggest asking a Christian some of the questions you have. The truth is out there. I’m an ex J.W. and was raised my whole life as such until I was an adult. I was saved when I was 28, born again. I feel for you. The JW’s are basically brainwashed loving people truly seeking God with all their heart but…not knowing who Jesus is…they have yet to know God. Jesus is Lord, God, Savior, King. JW’s can’t yet call Him God because they don’t believe in what Christians call ‘the trinity’. It would help you to understand typical Christian theology to give you better insight in what the JW’s teach.
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Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : St. Paul, State : MN, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,My mother is Catholic, and I am agnostic. My mother might not have cared as much if I had simply chosen a different religion, but because my belief is one that questions the existence of God, she was furious. My mother isn’t exactly a devout christian, but she believes in God and still refuses to acknowledge me or any of my beliefs when religion is discussed. So, if your family is anywhere near the level of stubborness that my mother is, there could very easily be a downside, but I can’t think that it would be any easier lying to your family and yourself. At least I know that I’ve made my choice, and I’m going to stand behind it, whether my mother is going to accept me or not – I know I can’t change what I believe to please her.
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Name : Jaymes, City : Salt Lake, State : UT, Country : United States,Kim, I’ve seen my whole family changing in so many different ways over the years — we evolve. Some choose to stay with the belief system they were raised with and others choose a different path. Maybe it would be easier for you and your parents for you to bring up the topic that you are exploring for yourself what your own base belief system is (make it general) and let them get used to the idea that… hey, your growing up! Your beginning to think for yourself and exploring — all parents want their kids to do that. (or at least most of us do…) The next step might be to ‘dismiss yourself’ in small ways from the religious rituals that you are uncomfortable with. A short explaination might be… ‘I just haven’t decided if I am comfortable with that for myself…’ Which is true and while you are taking care of your own belief system your not being critical of theirs. Slowly and a little at a time…. over time… gives both you and your parents time to adjust that what you believe it different… not that they are wrong or that you are wrong but that you both can be right… just different. You can still love each other even if you don’t believe the same religious beliefs. Over time, you both will adjust and that may just be a topic that y’all don’t talk about. I have really never discussed with my parents my own choice to move away from the religion they believe in and they don’t really ask anymore except when I ‘excuse’ myself from the room during something I am uncomfortable participating in… I always just say, I’m not comfortable with ‘that’ ritual so I excused myself. That way it isn’t being critical toward them and doesn’t allow much space for them to be critical of you. On the occasion they have tried to discuss it with me I just say, ‘That is a topic I’d rahter not talk about.’ Then I bring up another topic right away. As an adult you will make a lot of choices that your parents may or may not agree with and most they won’t even know about ~smile~ a blessing for parents! Learning to do it gracefully and without malice is the important part. Good luck.
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Name : ~denise23961, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 42, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,Hey, I used to study with Jehovah’s Witnesses from the ages of 7 to 13, and I hated every minute of it. Why? Because it was too restricting and I disagreed with certain aspects of the religion. I was made to go with my older brother, mainly to keep up appearances. So he forced me to go with him. Our parents weren’t religious at all, but they liked how Jehovah’s Witnesses taught children, so they got us into it. They didn’t really care whether we stopped or not. It was up to us. If they had cared as much as your parents do, I wouldn’t really have let that get in my way and stop me from doing what I wanted to do, as I’ve been raised to be an independent thinker who only answers to herself. You need to make it clear to them that you’re almost an adult and must make your own choices if you’re going to learn anything.
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Name : A.P.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Agnostic, Age : 17, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I know exactly how you feel. I was raised as a Methodist, and it wasn’t until I was 16, that I was able to make any progress in separating myself from my parents (particularly my Dad) religion. After that, I basically said I’m not doing it anymore. Let your parents make the next move.
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Name : Daniel, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 20, City : Fargo, State : ND, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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