Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 12 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 21 years, 3 months ago by
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Are all grandmothers as caring as the book market with its sweetish thank-you booklets makes them out to be? I opened one the other day and was horrified to find that not even a quarter of the contents applied to my mother’s relation to her grandchild. She certainly doesn’t bake or cook or send letters or parcels, has no interest in her grandchild’s friends or games, is impatient with her stories when visiting, never pampers her but makes her feel unwanted, criticized and a burden, yet eloquently demands respect and authority and is very sulky if this meets with rebellion on behalf of my daughter. I’ve just been reading the rebukes posted at Y? Forum to the grandchild for not listening to his granny’s ramblings. If my mother ever reaches that blessed age of wanting to communicate to my daughter, I would not be surprised should she meet with open disregard and even hostility.
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Name : T27543, Gender : F, Age : 33, City : Munich, State : NA, Country : Germany, Social class : Upper middle class,I think the cards sentimentalize grannies because thay are written by grown-ups remembering their childhood experiences. An old woman who you associate with holidays and sweets is likely to be seen through rose-tinted glasses. It could be that your child will grow up tougher and more capable because of her crotchety gran.
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Name : M.K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Education level : Technical School,I’m curious: did she treat you like that, too, as your mother? Does she have other grandchildren she treats this way? In any case, everyone doesn’t like to bake cookies, etc. I suspect there are lots of mothers out there who didn’t really enjoy diapers, crying, potty training, endless questions and all the other stuff that goes along with rearing children. They’re glad when that phase of their life is over, and they don’t want to repeat it, even a little bit. Some women find it difficult to accept that they’re old enough to be grandmothers. (I’m 46 and became a grandmother last April. I love my grandson, but hesitate to tell everyone I’m a grandma.) If my child’s grandmother treated her badly, I wouldn’t subject my child to that. I bet you can find some other ‘grandmotherly’ person who would love for you and your daughter to spend time with her.
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Name : ED25435, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 46, City : Kansas City, State : MO, Country : United States,I was born in Europe, and my grandma was as far removed from the ‘sweet granny’ ideal as possible. She was grumpy, bad tempered, miserable and took absolutely no interest in my life as a child other than to ask if I’d washed the dishes or tell me about how well she could wash clothes, iron, etc at my age. She also offered me no insight into life or shared any of her childhood memories with me. She was equally mean to all her other grandkids (except my brother, who she made known was her favorite) and now, at 70-plus years old, she wonders why none of her grandkids visit. It’s sad, but I just don’t feel the urge to visit this person who was around a lot but that I never really knew
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Name : Jay31328, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think you are not alone. My mother is one who would always remind us how difficult it was for her to raise us, how she had sacrificed, as if it wasn’t her responsibility, and hence now we have to pay her back by literally abandoning our own children and spending all our time with her, pay her the utmost respect and care for her like she couldn’t get out of bed (while she still can). She uses all kinds of tactics to get money out of us, like complaining that the appliances she has are getting too old, but once we gave her money to get a new one, she changed her mind. She also asked my sister (who is divorced with kids) to give her kids away because it’s no use looking after any kids. She refused to help keep an eye on my kid (a 2-year-old at the time) while my wife cooked for her. She gets very annoyed when her grandchildren are around. I guess when we get old, we change. What changes us? I don’t know. I think we just have to be patient with them. One day, we may become like them. What do I tell my kids? I’m still looking for that answer.
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Name : P, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 36, City : Singapore, State : NA, Country : Singapore, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,My maternal grandma, the one I remember best, was depressed later in life. She had lost two sons and a husband and was forced to leave her home and move in with my aunt. She was languishing. She didn’t have a lot of energy to be actively involved in our lives, and for her circumstances I don’t blame her. Everyone has baggage that prevents them from being the perfect grandmother, mother, daughter, sister, whatever. Maybe the problem is comparing one’s family to a Hallmark ideal that doesn’t exist in the real world.
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Name : Hallie21402, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Columbus, State : OH, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class,I’m the one who posted the message about my great grandmother talking too much. You described her exactly.
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Name : D31821, Gender : F, Age : 28, City : St. Louis, State : MO, Country : United States,Plenty of grandmothers are unpleasant. It’s a fantasy, like Cinderella. I would really suggest to keep your daughter away from her grandmother. She doesn’t need to feel like she’s unwanted when seeing a family member.
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Name : M., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Agawam, State : MA, Country : United States, Social class : Lower middle class,Grandmothers differ just as parents and siblings do. I have one grandmother who baked cookies, remembers birthdays and kept an extra Raggedy Ann doll at her house for me when I visited. The other grandmother I barely knew and have no warm memories of. She was not a nurturing mother (fortunately, her husband was nurturing, because he reared a fantastic son, who is my dad.) It’s not clear how old your child is, but you might want to start explaining that all people can’t be good at all things. Some people just lack patience with children. Try to accept her on her terms, and if that’s at arm’s length, so be it.
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Name : C., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 40ish, City : Galveston, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Mine is. Later in life hopefully people realise the importance of family and love, and my grandmother was sweet and kind and everything anyone could ever wish in a grandmother
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Name : Robert-Plant, City : Geneva, State : MO, Country : United States,My mother is a very bitter, and unforgiving woman. Any time I had interactions with her throughout my life she was very critical (although she didn’t see it that way) We were always fighting she attacking and me defending, consequently I only brought my kids to see her on holidays and then for only a few hours at a time. It’s sad but she seems to be the kind of person who only sees the negative in everyone. On the other hand my stepmother is wonderful, she’s become one of my best friends over the last 25 years, she’s not exactly a cookie baking grandma but she always makes you feel welcome and special in her presence.
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Name : Cindy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 46, City : Eau Claire, State : WI, Country : United States, Occupation : Respiratory Therapist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Old people are like everyone else. Some folks are nice, some are good-hearted groutches, and others suck. But it seems age and the things it brings can change a person. Some people seem to take it easy when they get old, when they didn’t as a youth, and some seem to get grouchier because they’re not as capable as they once were. But age is not the issue, per se. The grandparents very often take on the function of spoiling their grandkids. When everything goes well and the parents are doing their job, there is a glimmer in their eye with respect to the grandchild, in a general sense and not necessarily to every case, that comes from either a sentimental memory of their own children’s infancy or perhaps the continuation of hope that the grandchild represents. My own grandmother pets me too much even, but to other members of the family she can be stubborn and difficult. I think the view of grandmothers from cards comes from this concept, that grandmothers treat grandkids differently. Functionally, they tend to do so.
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Name : Matt21827, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : a strange place, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : composer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,My grandmother was German, somewhat cold and distant. As a kid I knew she was almost blind but like to sew so I gave her a needle threader. Well,she got angry, gave it back, did not explain. Her English was not that good so I chalked it up to the age/language barrier and her having very little money. Perhaps she thought I was making her liable to buy a gift for me, had no money to spare,and certainly not for ALL the grandchildren. She had raised 8 girls and a boy on a small farm. I still wonder how she did it!
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Name : Eric, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Catholic, Age : 54, City : Pasadena, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Male Nurse, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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