Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 41 replies, 42 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 8 months ago by
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I also had a child at 19 and completely lost the shape I had when I was a teenager. I am 23 now and very much over it. I spent a long time with no self esteem and horrible depression. With the help of a little therpy and awesome friends I overcame it. I did this by eating somewhat heathy (I learned dieting is really hard with a kid and full time job) and just making an effort to be active. I don’t belong to a gym or work out everyday but I try not to be lazy. Also I went back to college which has made me feel so much better about myself. While I am no longer a size 7 I feel attractive and smart. I know that I have a lot to offer. And when I come upon people wrapped up in looks and things I just blow them away with my views on politics or art whatever the topic is for the moment then make a joke of it(sense of humor is good). So I guess my solution would be stay active (walk where ever you can and play with your kid all the time) stay smart (when looks fade that’s all you will have left) and also surround yourself with positive people. Your weight and height are not bad and nobody should be making you feel that way. Being a mom is hard work be happy you are doing it because you know your child loves you no matter what size you are.
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Name : Tammy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : Poconos, State : PA, Country : United States, Occupation : direct care staff, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,My wife says that breastfeeding our kids has made all the difference as far as weight goes after the baby. If you breastfeed for a year, eventually the pounds will come off.
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Name : George, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 38, City : Butler, State : NJ, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I have had 6 children and it has always taken me awhile to lose the babyfat. I also am 5’7′ and I currently weigh 140, but have been up to 160. Usually what has helped me to lose the weight is to go to work part-time, which I have done each time, once the baby got to be about 1yr old. Getting out of the house, and away from the kitchen, really helps. Walking is great as well. I have found that there are certain foods that I can no longer eat, except as a special treat, because they make me gain weight (nuts, peanut butter, juice, non-diet sodas, etc.). As for your tummy, did you breastfeed? Breastfeeding helps your uterus to shrink back to its normal size; if you didn’t breastfeed, that might be why your tummy is shaped different. Also, did you have a C-section? That will make your tummy seem kind of poochy. Me personally, my boobs got all droopy and saggy – that is what really got me bummed out, because I don’t feel as sexy as I used to. Cheer up, sweetie: find some lady friends you can talk to who are in the same boat. We all feel pretty much the same after having a baby 🙂
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Name : Rose-Linville, City : Pflugerville, State : TX, Country : United States,I also had a child at your age and was astounded at the change in my body. Immediately following my re-coop period I started doing step-aerobics and weight training. If you want your figure back badly enough, you’ll work for it. I understand how difficult it is with a new child, how exhausted and defeated you might feel, but exercise will definately help this. And, as you begin to see improvement, your drive will increase. Little things you can also do that make a huge difference: DRINK TONS of water, take vitamins, lotion your skin daily, cut out soft drinks, do tiny bits of exercise here n there…i.e. when you’re watching tv, do sit-ups, lift up on your toes in the grocery line to work your calves… As for the stretch marks, those will diminish over time. I also have a problem with them- I used cocoa butter up until my son’s birth to no avail. Besides getting them surgically removed, there’s not much you can do about them. Just concentrate on the things you can change, like your muscle tone, and the stretch marks won’t be your focal concern. Good luck!
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Name : Megan H., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : Niles, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,If your stretch marks are really bothering you, you can see a skin specialist and they will prescribe a cream for you to lessen their appearence. Don’t worry about how you look. You just had a kid and your body will look different until you excercise it back into shape. You should be able to get it to look similar, but you may not be able to. Your physical body shouldn’t be what you put first, your personality and emotional state should be of far more importance. Your son needs a healthy mom with a good head on her shoulders to raise him, not a barbie doll.
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Name : TheDistortedOne, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : Near You, State : AZ, Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,OK… First and formost…it ain’t gonna look the same. You sacrificed your tummy’s original shape for your child. You have a wonderful angel that you are now raising. Given that you are an atheist, you won’t like this second bit, but remember to have faith in things greater than yourself. I’m not saying pick up a snake and go break dancing at the local Apostolic Hallaluah Warehouse, I am just saying that there are things greater than us, have faith in them. Now, that being said…I had a girlfriend whose husband had left her when her tummy started to show, citing that she no longer turned him on. He is a scumbag and is an embarrassment to men. I saw her stretchmarks and scars (nasty C-section) as being what she sacrificed for another person. I has proud to rub her belly. With time and exercise, she got herself shaped back to where she was comfortable and you will too. You can never give up hope, you will continue your education and support yourself and your son. In doing so…you will find that a mark here or there adds character to a real woman.
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Name : Uberbilly, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 29, City : Las Vegas, State : NV, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,First of all, congratulations! Secondly, there isn’t a lot you’re going to do about the stretch marks. They will fade over time, but they’ll still be somewhat visible. People with fair complexions are far more likely to get them. There are a few systems out there that claim to get rid of stretch marks. Creams will not repair the skin, but may make it less noticable. Skin brushing (you can search online) is said to have some effect, as are alfalfa supplements, which help the body produce collagen, but there’s no getting around that pregnancy can leave some obvious signs on your body. If you’re trying to get back into shape, pilates is a good method to strengthen your abdominal muscles. If you can’t afford a class, try videos. Collagevideo.com has write-ups on most exercise videos, as does http://www.videofitness.com so you can find one that suits what you like to do. If you can’t afford to purchase exercise videos, consider borrowing from the library, if that’s possible. If you don’t have something to play a video on, check your library for fitness books. Apart from trying to fix it, you can also consider the amazing work your body has done to nuture and bring a baby into the world. There isn’t a man on the planet who can claim to know what exactly it’s like to be pregnant. I have three children: the youngest is 19 months old. I didn’t do anything special with the first two, and my daughter gave me a huge number of stretch marks (fair skin). Ten years later, they’re not as noticable, but they’re not gone either. However, with this pregnancy, I did take alfalfa supplements (purchased from http://www.ttapp.com: the quality is better than store brands), and I didn’t get a single new stretch mark. Many people have recommended looking at yourself in the mirror naked to begin to accept the way you look right now. I think it’s really a matter of time. Good luck!
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Name : Suzette, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 32, City : Saline, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : mother, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Use Vitamin E oil on your stretch marks. It will help them fade. It also helps on scars. As for the tummy part… most women who have children experience this. I am 26 and I have a daughter that is 6. I still have stretch marks on my hips and underneath my belly button. They are not as noticable as they were when my daughter was one. I am 5’7 also, I run 5 miles 5 days a week. Jogging,running, any kind of excercise that you do longer than 20 minutes will help make you shapely. Jogging and running will slim down your belly and your arms and make you have great muscles in your legs. Sit ups do wonders for the waiste.
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Name : Elizabeth25310, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : Web site/Software Specialist, Education level : 2 Years of College,Jessica, I agree it is hard to get back to liking anything about your body after childbirth. It took me 4 years to recover from my second (and last) child. I found it helped to just have an exercise program (even just a few minutes a day). The results were not immediate, but I FELT like my body was getting better. A few weeks of pilates helped immensely with my stomach flab. As for the stretch marks…well, they’re yours to keep, unfortunately. But, they may fade and some lotions can help a little. It may take a while, but just doing something about it will help. (Even walks to the park or playing tag with the little guy when he’s ready will help.
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Name : Sue, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Bloomington, State : IN, Country : United States, Occupation : Marketing Director, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I went through similar ‘self-image’ problems when I was younger. They I learned that other people are usually obsessing more with how they look to others then worrying about how I was looking. Society often gives us this image that we are ‘supposed’ to be, when most of the population don’t fit that stereotype anyway. I am a mother of 2 and sometimes the added stress / ‘motherly’ concerns affect our self-image too. I try setting aside time to pamper myself so that I can be a better mother to my kids. My self-esteem improves when I can ‘go all out’ and do something for myself.
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Name : Becky23300, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Ogden, State : UT, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I had my first son when I was only 16 and being as I was still growing up yet myself, I ended up with lots of stretch marks naturally on my stomach but on my breasts as well~! This was very bad for my self esteem. I was very embarrassed and would do anything to hide it. But in time, I’ve come to realize it was self-defeating for me to dwell on it, and that though the marks never disappear completely, they DO fade. I also found that anyone who loves you will accept you as you are, and should look beyond the superficial to see you for who you really are inside. Those marks bear witness that you are a mother, who self-lessly carried a child whom you love, and if that’s not beautiful to someone else, then that’s their problem. Please don’t feel bad, many women (& men too!) get them but at least you have them for a good reason. I felt exactly as you did once, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s only a tiny flaw when you consider your health and everything else that’s right with you instead. And tummy size can be worked on. It’s only been a year since you’ve had him, & it took almost a year to get him. You will see that your body will continue to change over the course of your life and how you are now won’t be how you are in years to come. I encourage you to not worry, *easy to say, i know* however, I’m happy to report my true love doesn’t even acknowledge my ‘battle scars’ because it’s just not as important as loving the real person underneath, and that’s what counts the most, YOU deep down, not just the flesh part. Don’t let it get you down. You have one awesome child to show for it! I wish you and your son luck!
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Name : FC, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Sioux City, State : IA, Country : United States, Occupation : FT Mom & PT student, Education level : Technical School,I have been run over by a car and had 5 children. Stretch marks and tummy shape probably won’t change without surgery. As for the weight, a physically strenuous job and strict dieting will help you return to your target weight. I refuse to change my physical characteristics as they are a part of who I am and what I have given for my children. Regardless of how other people see my marks, I see them with love. At 5’5 and 180 I am far from my dream as well but will continue to work on it, as that is really all we can do. You can also use your child as a weight to help you work out if the job hint is no help.
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Name : Annette, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 36, City : Stevens Point,, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma,First, I do sympathize with you. It must be hard to be so young and feel that your body is forever altered and no longer ‘perfect.’ But please, learn to love your body for what it does, not how it looks. The female body is amazing and does what no man can do — it provides the perfect environment for the growing human fetus, and then gives birth to a perfect little child. I have had two children, and with each pregnancy my body changed. Yes, I have stretch marks and my stomach sticks out. After my second child was born, I weighed 160, and I’m only 5’4′! I’ve lost nearly 30 pounds since then, but still don’t look good in a bikini, and I probably never will. (Then again, I’m almost 40, so I know that doesn’t bother me as much as it would have when I was 19!). But the amazing and wonderful thing my body did — it grew two whole children inside! — is what makes me love my body in spite of its flaws. When I look at my two beautiful children, and realize how much I love them, I am amazed and I love my body — stretch marks and all — for bringing them to me. My advice: wear things that look pretty on your body as it is, whether it’s a bikini or a one-piece swim suit, pants or a skirt or a dress; don’t constantly compare yourself to air-brushed photos of models in magazines; and learn to love your body for bringing you your beautiful child. Good luck.
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Name : JoAnn30566, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 39, City : Tempe, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I can understand how at 19 it might be hard to accept you don’t have the body of a teenager anymore. Once you diet and lose the weight, you should look into getting the stretch marks removed. If you have dark hair/pale skin you should have good results – contact a dermatologist and just get some idea of pricing. Ask them questions about the different ways they have to remove stretch marks.
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Name : Kimberly, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 23, City : Nashville, State : TN, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am 20 and have a one year old son,also. I had a hard time loving my new body also. I think now instead of considering your body skinny or fat, consider your body as healthy and try to teach your child that having a healthy body is much more important than being skinny. Your proportions are just right. And the stretch marks will fade over time. That is the one thing that I didn’t like about my body after my son was born, before he was born I couln’t see them. Just regard them as the price you had to pay to have a beautiful, smart loving son.
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Name : Miranda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 20, City : Demopolis, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : Cashier/Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class,
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