Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 41 replies, 42 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 8 months ago by
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I’m 19 and have a one-year-old son. I weigh 160 and am 5’7″. I’m having the worst time getting over the way my body looks. I love my son and would never take anything back, but I have stretch marks all over my stomach. And my tummy is shaped different. I just can’t get myself to love my body. Does anyone have any advice?
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Name : Jessica, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 19, City : Louisville, State : KY, Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,Before my daughter was born I weighed 112 pounds. My daughter is 15 months old, and for her first year of life, I weighed 145, and I am only 5’2′. My weight bothered me, too. When she turned one, I had a section of my lip removed because it was skin cancer, and I was on a liquid diet for two weeks. Now I weigh 115. It is funny, though, now that I am thin again I wish I could go back to the way things were. I would rather have the extra weight and be cancer-free than to be thin and going through the extensive medical testing I have been through the last three months. Don’t worry about the extra pounds and stretch marks you have; be happy about all the problems you don’t have but could have. After all, you are luckier than you think: you have your son. So many women go through the 9 months of pregnancy and leave the hospital without a baby. They have the extra weight and stretch marks, but not the extra angel in their life like you do.
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Name : Cher, Gender : F, City : Holbrook, State : NY, Country : United States,Finish your education. If you want a future for yourself and your son, you will need some kind of training for a decent job. As for how your body looks: Once you have a child, it will never go back to the slender shape of adolescence. You are a woman now, and you will look like one. To feel better about your body, you should exercise, eat a healthy diet and get plenty of rest. You need to get on with your life and not dwell on your looks or the changes that have taken place in your body. I know. I had my daughter when I was 19. I received my bachelor’s degree when I was 42. Don’t sit home and mope. Get going.
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Name : Annie23904, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 53, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : copy editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Jeez, you’re being tough on your self. Have you thought about getting your GED? Go to your local library with your baby, grab some books for him too, and get a GED study guide and start studying. Once you take and pass your GED you can consider enrolling in a Trade or Community College. Then you won’t be worrying so much about your body and it will give you more self-confidence and lift your self-esteem and the way you ‘think’ you look won’t be as important as you and your son’s future…this is how I felt at 20 and what I did!
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Name : Lori, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Agawam, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Database Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Ever consider the fact that perhaps it’s your WHOLE self-image is the problem, not just your physical image? What are you doing to change your body, diet/exercise, etc? Are you also goal oriented with your life? What are your future plans, education/employment, etc.? Perhaps these concerns are weighing on your total image. People don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan…
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Name : matt21823, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 56, City : phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : medical field, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I have been there. When I had my son I was a slim size 16. You may say that is not slim. But compared to the women in my family I had missed a few too many meals. Right after giving birth i was really concerned on getting my shape back since the only thing that seemed to grow was my stomach. I had the same strech marks that you spoke of. Here is what I did. I tried to make sure to remember that I am no longer eating for 2. I did a lot of situps and even wore a girdle to keep everything tight in that area. It worked for a while. And I would probably still be a 16 had I kept up with it. But I learned that those marks were proof that I was able to bring a life into this world. It takes time to adjust to all that is changing in your life after having a child. And if you concentrate on being a good mother and a good role model then all those other not significant things will become not so important.
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Name : Tomica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 28, City : Milwaukee, State : WI, Country : United States, Occupation : Insurance Advisor, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,I know that self esteem has a lot to do with appearance. I am a twenty-four year old mother of two. I am 5’5′ and I weigh aroung 180, but I am now in the process of trying to motivate myself to take better care of myself by watching what I eat and exercising. Once you shed a few pounds you will feel a lot better. You can tone your body back into shape. I know that it may seem difficult at first, but I used to weight 210 pounds and that was the largest i have ever been in my life and now I am down to 180, sure you may not be able to wear mid driff tops anymore because of the stretch marks, but think of them as a badge of motherhood. Plus some guys find them sexy.
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Name : Ericka, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 24, City : Knoxville, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,If you’re a ‘sedentary’ sort of person who never does much exercise and / or who eats compulsively, then you’re one of the many, many people whose own habits contribute to their misery. But having said that, what would you LIKE to see yourself as? All cultures have (sometimes cruel) ideals about what a body should be. Very rarely are they realistic for a majority of the population. I think it helpful to think about the people I know who do not conform to those ideals but are nevertheless beautiful: people who are too fat, bald, or ugly to be on magazine covers, but who are ‘beautiful’ nevertheless. Treat yourself as you treat those you love who are not perfect.
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Name : Jim L., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Orthodox Christian, Age : 36, City : New Orleans, State : LA, Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Having a child will always change your body. It’s natural and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. The very best way to improve your body image is to exercise. It’s not easy and it takes time, but the best things in life are always harder to achieve. No matter how you feel every day, if you go and take a walk or buy some light weights and start an exercise routine, you will not only be happier with the way you look, you’l feel better. Start today. Drink lots of water, take your child on walks and buy some weights and you’ll be much happier. Give yourself 6 months to notice a difference. Also, if you can find a friend to join you in the effort, you’ll have a much higher chance of succeeding.
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Name : laura, City : cary, State : NC, Country : United States,I feel for you. I can’t blame pregnancy, but I’m unhappy with my body, too. Childbirth can often alter your body for good. That doesn’t mean you can’t be healthy and in shape. I knew a woman whose butt got huge with childbirth. Her eventual reaction was to, literally, work her butt off. Maybe your hips have gotten too wide for your comfort or you’ve added a shoe size. I’m trying to get my will together to put my body back in shape and I think fore any of s the key here is to build a little self-esteem. I know that in situations where I feel competent and confident I never think about what my body looks like. Good luck!
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Name : Vail, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Mutt, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Philly, State : PA, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,This is a difficult subject. I, too weighed 160 pounds after having two babies in 15 months. This was more than 10 years ago. You are not at an unhealthy weight, but you are a little heavy and since you just had a baby, I would imagine this is the heaviest you have been. If you felt great about yourself, I would say just stay the way you are, but if you are that unhappy, perhaps you should go ahead and drop a few pounds. That is what I did and while it was not easy, I’m glad I did. You certainly don’t need to lose much-20 pounds at the most. I wish you the best and more than anything, enjoy your new baby. There are worst things than being slightly overweight. By the way, you mention that you are an athiest. I want to be very respectful, but I pray that you will open your heart to the possibility of a God who loves you incredibly and wants to be a part of your life. What harm is there in an open mind?
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Name : g n, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : memphis, State : TN, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Like many people, I find tatoos and piercings attractive. However, naturally aquired scars, in my opinion, are more attractive, as there’s ussually a story/experience that created those scars, not a choice or a design you got to choose. No scar is more beautiful to me than stratch marks from creating a life. Those are battle scars, marks of distinction, proving that you are a warrior and have gone through something incredible to bring somebody into the world. Wear them with pride. I don’t think I’m alone in this.
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Name : John, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Human, Religion : Omnitheist, Age : 24, City : Boynton Beach, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Telecommuications, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class,Most women go through the same experience after childbirth, so you are not alone. I would suggest that you look around for a gym, community center, or YMCA to join. The YMCA will provide financial assistance (if necessary) and its programs focus on a healthy lifestyle–nutrition, exercise, even babysitting and programs for your child. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress and lift your spirit–it gets those endorphins surging in your brain! The second suggestion I have is that you talk to your doctor about being screened for post-partum depression. I suffered from this myself, and I did not get help when I should have, and I never want to see anyone else suffer the way I did. The final suggestion I have is to do what is hard for moms everywhere: find some time for yourself. Use the time to exercise or return to a hobby (sports maybe?) that you enjoyed before the baby. It’s too easy to lose yourself in being a mom, know what I mean?! Tend to yourself–take care of yourself, and then you’ll be a better mom. And in the end, it doesn’t really matter what your body looks like if you feel good about yourself and who you are. Good luck.
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Name : Ellie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Landenberg, State : PA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,You need to try to not buy into the media’s hype that every woman should be stick-thin and drop-dead gorgeous. I realize this is way easier said than done, but it may help to think of it this way: You’re a woman. And your body has just done the most miraculous, wonderful thing–it created your beautiful baby. What could be more spectacular, more perfect than that? Relish what you’ve done and feel proud of what your body, your woman’s body can do. And keep in mind that it’s done what it had never done before, so of course it doesn’t look like it did before–this is actually the new and improved, adult version. Not a little girl anymore.
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Name : CA-Markle, City : Lakewood, State : CO, Country : United States,In a world that glorifies semi-anorexic women it can be quite challenging to accept and embrace a body that is a little ‘fluffy.’ Children are a blessing but a woman’s body does change dramatically once she bare children. My advice to you is to love yourself (body, mind, spirit)completely. Sometimes that is very difficult because we are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfection’ and if we don’t fit into that category we feel as if we do not measure up. But that is the furthest thing from the truth. If you concentrate on being healthy, everything else will fall into place. Treat your body right by feeding it the proper foods and exercising (choose the exercise plan that is conducive to your lifestyle). Do not be over concerned with what you consider flaws. Work to improve them, but also find the body parts that you adore as well. As a women with two children (3 years and almost 5 months)I can relate, but it is imperative that you love you, ALL OF YOU, because if you do not no one else will. And those times when you can not find it yourself to love your body, think about the blessing you received. I am sure you will reconsider.
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Name : Bea Cole, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 24, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,
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