[Jim-C]

Do Muslims have to have a husband or wife chosen for them, or do they get to choose the person they’re going to marry? I know bigamy is illegal in the United States, but I’m also curious to know what would happen if Muslims were to commit bigamy.

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Name : Jim-C, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Disability : obsessive compulsive disor, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 46, City : Middletown, State : CT, Country : United States, Occupation : teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Lisa]

I am not Muslim, but a number of my friends in college were Muslims from Pakistan and various Middle Eastern countries. What I understood from them was that an arranged marriage was not required, but that many young people found this acceptable and went along with their family’s wishes. At the very least, they got approval of their prospective mate from their family. I knew only one Muslim who married against his family’s wishes. Although they threatened to disown him and cut off all contact, once he was married for a few months, they invited him and his new wife back home. As to multiple wives — in the United States it is illegal. In some countries (I believe Pakistan and Saudi Arabia are two) Muslims can have more than one wife, but they must have the means to support them. It is not a very common practice.

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Name : Lisa, City : Milwaukee, State : WI, Country : United States, 

[Jamaluddin21080]

Not only are Muslims free to choose their own mates, but forcing anyone into an arranged marriage is specifically forbidden in Islam. Does that mean it never happens? Unfortunately, it does, though the reasons are cultural, not religious. As to the question of bigamy, most scholars I know have stated that Muslim men in America cannot have multiple wives because they would not be accorded equal legal rights. A precondition of a Muslim man taking more than one wife is that he is able to treat them all exactly equally — and it should be noted that there is a lot of debate among scholars as to whether this is ever possible.

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Name : Jamaluddin21080, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Muslim, City : Bay Area, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Journalist, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[razia]

the idea of arranged marriages is not at all a religious practice, but rather a cultural one. you see it frequently in africa, the middle east, east and southeast asia, and even in south america. in Islam at least, an ‘arranged’ marriage is acceptable if *both* parties (both the man and woman) agree to it. if either party does *not* agree – then it is considered haram or, not allowed in islam

only under special circumstances, is having multiple wives allowed in islam. if a woman is single, widowed, and has trouble providing for herself (in the ‘old’ days, for example, a woman’s husband is off an war, is killed, and is left alone to raise their children) then she can marry a man who already has a wife. his previous wives MUST agree, he must provide for them equally, fairly, and in separate quarters or home, and the maximum is four. having more than one wife in islam ‘just because they can’ is simply not allowed – there are circumstances (example above) that must be met.

a reason that the vice versa is not allowed (a woman having multiple husbands) is because it’s important as a child, to know who your parents are. there were no paternity tests until recent.

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Name : razia, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Muslim, Age : 22, City : Washington DC, State : DC, Country : United States, 

[Sarah28123]

Arranged marriages are not a required by religion they are tradition. Nothing to do with Islam but with the country/family culture. Muslims living in a country which follows the sharia or Koranic laws and teachings are allowed to have 4 wives. Those countries are Iran and Saudi Arabia. You have to understand the reason behind 4. When Muhammad wrote this in the Koran it was because back in his time men had 20 or more wives. He had to cut down but how can you go from 20 to 1 in such an ignorant society? So he said 4. Thousands of years later, countries who follow the sharia allow this but not many nations do.

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Name : Sarah28123, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Hayat R.]

In Islam the choice of your mate is entirely up to you. Without consent there is no marriage. However, in Islam there are many rules regarding inter-gender mixing. Technically, the things included in typical dating are forbidden to unmarried people, like kissing, having sex and being alone together. Due to this Muslims often have a limited contact with the opposite gender. Culturally, to rectify this problem there is a system of arranged marriages. Its not neccessary but it is commonly practiced. In modern times Muslims meet many people in school and at work so ‘arranged’ marriages are not neccessary, though the rules of mixing still apply. About bigamy, in Islam polygamy is allowed, but with many limitations and stipulations. The maximum amount of wives a husband can have is four, and he must be able to support them all well, have a legit need for one (first wife is infertile, invalid, etc) be just with them and show no favourtism. Due to this, many find it hard to meet these requirements and avoid it. I guess these rules were instated to weed out the type of people who would exploit this allowance. You rarely find a person who practices polygamy, and if you do find one, chances are they’re not following all the rules. Hope this helps!

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Name : Hayat R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Caucasian/Asian mix, Religion : Muslim, Age : 20, City : Islamabad, State : NA, Country : Pakistan, Occupation : Journalist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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