Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 25 years, 6 months ago by
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I often see lesbian couples where one person seems to be more masculine and the other seems to be more feminine. In these cases, I am confused. If the women are attracted to an opposite characteristic (like masculinity or femininity), why aren’t they just attracted to the opposite sex?
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Name : Lynn, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 20, City : Gainesville, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I suppose you have a point, Lynn, but it seems to me you are asking about mostly superficial characteristics, matters of style more than substance. I have long since given up attempting to ascertain why others look in certain directions for love and companionship, even for sex. I’ve assumed that, seeing as I do not and can not, share their feelings, I could only honor them as legitimate and let go of it. Hell, I’m not even sure what attracts me! I didn’t mean that as funny, either. I just am attracted to some and not to others. One could, I expect, make up all sorts of theories of why, but the truth lies in the feelings felt by others, which we can never completely share.
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Name : Sam-L28535, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : American Indian, Religion : Native American, Age : 50, City : Fort Worth, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am wondering what you are labeling as masculine and feminine. For example, are you talking about appearance, or behavior or both? Let’s say, for example, you observed a couple in which one person had long hair, the other had short. That could be as simple as personal style preference. If they both had long hair would that make them both “fem?” If you observed behavior that might be labeled masculine/feminine was it just that one held the door for the other? Who got to the door first?
I have been racking my brain trying to come up with examples of couples I know personally who play the butch/femme role game. You know, like some straight couples still do. Not one pair comes to mind. All the lesbians I know express their preferences in appearance and behavior without regard to what some consider masculine and feminine. Lesbians like women and are comfortable conducting themselves without regard for gender roles and constraints. Don’t try to put a “male + female” model on a lesbian relationship. There isn’t one for a reason.
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Name : Cheryl-H32317, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, City : New Haven, State : CT, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,The difference is in the HOT, HOT, HOT lesbian sex! Really, who knows? Why do birds sing so gay? Regardless of gender, couples tend to have roles that complement each other. People always ask me and my girlfriend which of us is the boy. Argh! If we wanted to be with a boy, we’d be with one. They are not that hard to come by. No matter how butch or fem a woman is, she’s still a woman, and that’s the important thing. So what if she looks masculine – she has the perspective of having lived life as a woman, and that makes all the difference. Who knows better how to please a woman (sexually, emotionally and otherwise) but another woman. Here’s something else: I am no bull dyke by far, but I’ve been called “sir” a number of times, because people don’t care to notice anything besides my short hair and my girlfriend’s large chest. It’s so irritating. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s a tendancy for people to want there to be a male-female relationship, even when there’s not one. Surely you’ve known heterosexual couples where the female is more manly than the male. I know I have, and I always wonder if, had circumstances been different, both could have been gay. Most lesbians I know have been with men, and simply prefer to be with women, for a variety of reasons (preferring lesbian sex, feeling intimacy that they don’t get from men, meeting the right person who just happens to be female, all of the above, etc.).
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Name : Sherry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 27, City : Tulsa, State : OK, Country : United States, Occupation : Human Resources Generalist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,All of the responses are quite articulate and each make wonderful points. My question is why are you asking this question…and why are straight people answering?
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Name : eileen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Decatur, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : Musician, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,As you have spotted, there are different types of masculinity and femininity. There is the femininity exhibited by a feminine woman and the femininity associated with an effeminate man. Similarly, there is the masculinity that is characteristic of a masculine man and the masculinity associated with a butch woman. All four of these genders are unique, so if a gay woman is attracted to a masculine lesbian, she is not attracted to masculinity in general, she is specifically attracted to a person who is physically female and who has other female characteristics while being masculine in dress sense, mannerisms, etc.
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Name : Timmy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 21, City : London, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,Good question, Lynn — I don’t blame you for asking it. I’m a butchy femme: there’s no doubt that I’m a girly-girl, but I’m also plainly butch at times. I’ve been in a relationship with another femme, and I’m currently in a relationship with a butch girl. I do prefer butch women, but I don’t want to be with a man: I’ve tried it, and don’t get the same out of relationships with guys and I do with girls. I think the best answer was one I found in an erotica anthology (I can’t remember which): ‘…and she knows that strapping it on doesn’t make her male.’ Butch women aren’t trying to be male: they’re butch women.
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Name : Meredith, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Unitarian Universalist, Age : 19, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : IT Technician, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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