Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 12 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 8 months ago by
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Why do lesbians dress in what amounts to a costume of lesbianism? I know several lesbians who know quite well that wearing their hair one way would be more becoming in terms of style, but nevertheless they wear it in a fashion that clearly identifies them as lesbian. The same thing applies to dress. Do they want people to know that they are members of a particular set, identifying themselves primarily by their sexual orientation? If that is not correct, I’d like some help in understanding this.
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Name : Lea, Gender : F, City : Austin, State : TX, Country : United States,I think it is done to try to let other lesbians know she is gay and maybe available. Because most women are not gay, it is not easy to find a girlfriend without sending out signals. Also, if she is involved with someone, it might just be a sign of solidarity, as when people wear yellow ribbons to show support for the troops. It makes life easier to know there are more like you out there.
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Name : Sally28531, Gender : F, City : Stanford, State : CA, Country : United States,There’s a gay bar in the town I live in that has a predominantly lesbian crowd. We took a straight female friend in there with us one night – her dress style is more hippie-chick than anything else – and a group of lesbians actually chided her for looking ‘too fem.’ She told them she wasn’t a lesbian and to kindly mind their own business, after which we left. The next time we were in there I asked a lesbian friend what’s with the lesbian ‘uniform’ (short, cropped hair, white men’s t, no bra, flannel shirt left open and either loose-fitting jeans or chinos and black riding boots). Her explanation was that is was the ‘pink triangle’ of the new millennium. I don’t know if I buy that, though. I see it as pack or gang mentality.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 42, City : Ben Lomand, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I think too many people assume that all or even most lesbians dress the in the ‘lesbian dress’, because those are just the lesbians whom you notice. I have two gay aunts, neither of whom fit the ‘typical dress’ discussed here. They, along with many of their gay friends, dress in a very feminine and even stylish way; including skirts, dresses, and even suggestive clothing. I’ve never seen either of them in mens clothing (even flannel) or with short hair.
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Name : Xantara, Gender : F, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States,As some of the other respondants pointed out, style is one method we use to recognize one another (not that it’s always a trustworthy method–believe me!) Speaking for myself, comfort also has a lot to do with it. Short hair is easier to care for than long hair, and ‘masculine’ clothing is often easier to move around in than a lot of fashionable women’s clothing. I sometimes think being a lesbian makes it easier to dress how I like than being straight would, since I don’t worry about being attractive to men.
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Name : Lily22925, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, people dress in a way that makes them feel comfortable. Many lesbians wear men’s clothing, but it is what makes them feel comfortable. I’d feel bad for someone who dressed a particular way just because it was how they were ‘supposed’ to dress based upon gender, race, or sexuality.
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Name : Mandy O., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 20, City : Newton, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Political Science Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,a lot of lesbians and straight women also like their hair short and easy to take care of. maybe we’re not into a ‘becoming hairdo’. the way a lot of us dress has nothing to do with a group mentality. its just more comfortable for us.
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Name : elaine25288, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 43, City : columbus, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Although there are women who are into the butch/femme thing, this does not apply to all lesbians. I’m sure you’d be amazed at just how many women dress just like you and are lesbians! Although I prefer dressing casually and wear my hair short, it is for my comfort, not a political/sexual statement. I have been known on more than one occasion to be in jeans, t-shirt and running shoes, only to change into a nice strapless dress, make up, the whole deal. To believe that someone is wearing a ‘costume of lesbianism’ is the same as profiling, would you consider a woman wearing a close fitting dress, spike heels and makeup to be a whore?
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Name : Donna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 50, City : Goodyear, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Retired, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,LOL. I feel safe in saying that the majority of gays and lesbians look totally ‘normal’. How do you think some gays manage to stay closeted for years?
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Name : Patty, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 38, City : Magee, State : MS, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,There is not specifically a ‘uniform’ for lesbians. It is true, however, that many dominant females prefer to dress in clothes generally associated with the male gender. Those you encountered may have been females who were dominants. This preference in clothing also allows them identification by other lesbian females. Femmes on the other hand (of which i am one) traditionally dress like the normal everyday woman does.’Although some take it to the extreme and are called ‘lipstick lesbians’. There are other women who do not identify as either ‘dom’ or ‘femme’ and dress in sort of a balanced toned down look. The main point is that people tend to dress how they are comfortable. If anyone dresses a certain way because it is the ‘norm’ for a lesbian, then they can’t be very happy and will soon see the light.
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Name : Kathleen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 21, City : New Orleans, State : LA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,This is a very difficult topic. As a gay woman it is easy to fall into that idea of dressing the part, mostly because people assume heterosexuality so you want to set yourself apart. However, I feel comfortable dressed ‘fem.’ Some women, though, do not and are more butch…just as all straight women do not dress and act the same way (i.e. tomboys and ‘girly girls’). Most gay women dress the way they do to feel comfortable with who they are, but there are some who do it to ‘fit in.’
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Name : D., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : Stroudsburg, State : PA, Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Where I live, most women who I see in lesbian bars wouldn’t be identifiable as a lesbian if they were just walking down the street. I know that I look ‘straight.’ I ‘compensate’ for being a tall, thin preppy by wearing gay jewelry that identifies me as a lesbian. Otherwise, how else would I get a date? When I do go to gay bars, I try to dress in stereotypical lesbian dress not because that’s my style, but because I don’t want anyone to think I’m bisexual. People tend to dress like their peer group, and if lesbians only hang around other lesbians, you learn what to wear to look like your peer group. I think the stereotypical flannel-wearing, super short hair style is just more of a stereotype than actual reality. Most women I meet in gay bars are beautiful and very fashionable.
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Name : Kristy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,I came out after moving to Texas, and found out that the butch/fem thing isn’t that prevalent in the rest of the country. Where I was, you had to be either butch or fem. No middle of the road. I would wear jeans and mannish shirt, boots, make-up and jewelry, and the butchier women would ask me if I was fem or butch. I’d answer, ‘I’m me.’ I’ve never felt that comfortable in dresses, and I prefer comfortable shoes. And as for bras, the Goddess didn’t skimp in this area, so I have to wear one. I don’t wear make-up anymore, but still love my jewelry. I was trying to find my style back then and was looking at the community to see what worked. I don’t follow the crowd anymore. I wear what I want.
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Name : Dwanny, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 53, City : Springtown, State : TX, Country : United States,
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