[Opal]

Why do my gay male friends insist that all men have homosexual tendencies? They can claim to be absolutely gay, but they refuse to believe that a man can be absolutely straight.

User Detail :  

Name : Opal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : Baltimore, State : MD, Country : United States, Occupation : College Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Mark Bentley]

I hear this one often at the coffee shop in my gay neighborhood: ‘Any guy is gay if you give him a couple of beers…’ I believe in the 1 – 10 scale of sexuality, with 1 being straight as an arrow and 10 being queer as a $3 bill. I tend to think there are some that rank as absolutes on either side of the scale, but there are plenty more who float around in the 2-9 category. Why do they think all guys have some gay in them? It helps to rationalize their own gayness as more acceptable or opens up a challenge to try and seduce the unsuspecting. Or perhaps it’s because a lot of us grew up ‘straight-acting and appearing’ in order to survive. So, the likelihood of some guys being gay who put on the absolutely ‘straight’ front is real. Sure was in my case!

User Detail :  

Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[QueerByChoice]

Most people in modern societies are raised to think of themselves as heterosexual. Those of us who eventually come to think of ourselves as anything other than heterosexual usually do so only after having experienced anywhere from a few years to several decades of life defining ourselves as heterosexuals. Therefore, when we hear others say they are ‘heterosexual,’ we bear in mind that we, too, might have said the same thing at one time, but that having said this did not prevent us from later redefining ourselves as non-heterosexuals. By contrast, the number of self-defined non-heterosexual people who later permanently redefine themselves as heterosexual is noticably smaller than the number of self-defined heterosexuals who later permanently redefine themselves as non-heterosexual. Self-defined non-heterosexual people have nearly always spent a lot more time thinking about the topic of sexual orientation and their own sexual orientation in particular than self-defined heterosexuals have, and thus their definition of themselves as ‘definitely and entirely gay’ may be presumed to have been reached after more careful thought than most heterosexuals have given to their definitions of themselves as ‘definitely and entirely heterosexual.’ This is not to say that your gay friends shouldn’t try a little harder to ask themselves whether they really are absolutely 100 percent gay. Of course they should question their sexual orientation – everybody should question all aspects of their identities. But until you’re willing to question your own sexual orientation, you’re not really in a position to lecture them about questioning theirs – because they already HAVE questioned their sexual orientations at least once, when they switched from defining themselves as heterosexuals the way their parents taught them to, to defining themselves as homosexuals the way they now do. All people should always question themselves – but you do need to remember that your gay friends are one step ahead of you on this.

User Detail :  

Name : QueerByChoice, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Religion : Atheist, Age : 23, City : Sacramento, State : CA, Country : United States, 

[A.I.]

I can see where you’re coming from. I know, on occasion, I’ll catch myself thinking that it’s possible that straight men must have gay tendencies to one extent or another – I think it’s an almost retaliatory reaction to having heard ‘It’s just a phase’ or ‘You just havn’t been with a good woman yet’ (I have many lesbian friends who have heard the ‘real man’ version of that comment). It’s insecurity more than anything – the more people I can perceive as being ‘gayer,’ the more secure I feel about who I am and what I am … because I’m among more of those types of people. I guess it’s a type of internalized homophobia. I think your friends need to reflect on whether they believe what they are is acceptable. The more secure they are about their own sexuality, the less they’ll worry about pointing out the sexualities (implied or otherwise) of those around them.

User Detail :  

Name : A.I., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Humanist, Age : 21, City : East Windsor, State : NJ, Country : United States, Occupation : Network Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Thom24772]

Possible reasons: 1) Lots of gay men discover they’re gay in their 20s, 30s or even later. Because they didn’t realize their orientation until late in life, they seem to project the same kind of discovery onto others, even onto men who understand themselves as solely straight. 2) Lots of predominantly straight men experiment with gay sex, so many that gay men begin to assume that some part of every straight man secretly hankers for other men. 3) In situations in which men find themselves totally isolated from women, even the straightest men discover gay urges – and act upon them, using force if necessary.

User Detail :  

Name : Thom24772, Gender : M, Age : 57, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Author]

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