Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 29 replies, 30 voices, and was last updated 16 years, 10 months ago by
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Is it true that people who prefer same-sex relationships have had problems with their opposite-sex parent as a child?
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Name : Deanna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Bradenton, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Senior Service Agent, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I’m a gay woman, and my relationship with my mother and father is very good. They both were extremely supportive of me as a child; they wanted the very best for me and encouraged me in all the ways you would hope parents would. I consider myself extremely lucky to have such great parents, and let them know that I feel that way, often. Mom and Dad were initially a bit sad and worried for me when they learned I was gay (they learned this when I was 21 — I had known since I was 18), but they were always loving and assured me that my sexual orientation would not cause them to reject me. Now they are very close with both me and my partner of 13 years, and regard her as part of our family.
I’m also a psychologist, and the research on this topic suggests that some gay people do have difficult relationships with their parents, just like some straight people do. But bad relationships with parents are not associated with sexual orientation (either gay or straight) in scientific studies. Thanks for asking your question and being willing to learn more!
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Name : Katharine, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Little Rock, State : AR, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,If a bad relationship with an opposite sex parent made you gay, we’d have a whole lot more gays running around, don’t you think? Current psychological research says that sexuality is an orientation, not a choice. It’s about physical ‘wiring,’ not preference. Since a bad experience can’t fundamentally ‘rewire’ you, an unhappy family relationship cannot make you gay. Lots of gay people have had problems with their parents, just like lots of straight people have had problems with their parents, but this has nothing to do with their sexuality.
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Name : Anne23843, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 30s, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Occupation : Office worker, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I never had any problems with my parents (other than the usual teenage rebellion) when I was growing up, nor did any of my gay friends I can think of. This seems to be one of those urban myths, right up there with all gay men having dominating mothers and weak fathers…
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Partially deaf, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 37, City : Seaside, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Both of my parents were loving and supportive. My father comes from a French Catholic family, and my mother’s family is baptist. They were both happily married and remain so to this day. My partner’s family is quite similar — both loving parents, both still married.
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Name : Gregory Grondin, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 27, City : Saint John, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : Software Developer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,What I’ve observed personally supports what I’ve read in studies: in sexuality, as in most of human behavior, there are few absolutes. Sexuality starts in genetics and physiology, providing a built-in tendency to be homosexual (as a broad term, gay), heterosexual (straight), or somewhere in between (bisexual). Most people fall in between, and more tend to the straight side of the scale. That sex root drive then gets modified by upbringing and environment, but these can only push the drive towards one direction or the other, or suppress expressing or recognizing part of it, not fundamentally change it. If you’re 100% gay, environment may contribute to your being happy or unhappy in that life, but they won’t make you straight. If you’re 100% straight, parental trauma may your relations with the opposite sex unpleasant, but won’t make you any more able to respond to the same sex. For the many bisexuals, societal pressure, or problems with the same-sex parent, could channel the drive into only opposite-sex expressions, to the point where the person may only recognize straight attractions, emotionally blocking any same-sex attraction and appearing purely straight. Or, a bisexual who’s had problems with the opposite-sex parent could be unwilling to recognize opposite-sex attraction and therefore appear gay. Or a thousand other factors could push someone one way or the other, and everyone is different. But the only two things you can say with any certainty is that there’s a base drive dictacted by biology, throughout the animal kingdom, and then a host human factors to complicate the matter.
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Name : Charles, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 42, City : Santa Monica, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Computer programmer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I’ve always found this question amusing given my personal background — my father was a Master Sargeant in the military (as far from the ‘weak’ father figure as possible). My parents had a very good relationship and shared in the making of household decisions – my mom was no wallflower ! And up until their deaths, I had a wonderful, loving and supportive relationship with each of them. Far from having problems with my mom, it was just the opposite – I idolized her. A very good question, Deanna, and I/we hope that we helped you understand a little more about ourselves.
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Name : Andy, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 46, City : Minneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Programmer/Analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,No. Parental relationship is not a factor in whether one is gay. It may be a factor in an individual’s self acceptance or in the decision to be in or out of the closet. Turning out gay is strictly a matter of biology. A small percentage of people in every current and historical culture prefer a same sex partner.
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Name : Jeff31157, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 47, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Actually the person who said that a bad experience cannot rewire you could be quite wrong in light of some current research. There is thinking now that a child is not fully hardwired the first five years of life and that parental influence of trauma can ‘hardwire’ certain tendancies into place such as depression and anxiety. Why not gay tendencies. And as to anything traumatic as a child, any of us tend to suppress these things normally. So it is often the case, we can say as an adult, ‘Nothing happened to me as a child.’
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Name : Steve, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Spiritually Aware, Age : 41, City : ?, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Technician, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,If sexual orientation is genetic….what causes bisexuality?
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Name : Gary, City : Lansing, State : MI, Country : United States,I have a great relationship with both my mom and dad. I came out to them when I was 18, I knew when I was around 16, both of them accepted me and actually supported my decision. I think my dad was a bit disappointed though. But the point is my parents were really great and loving and never dominated me. They both cherished and loved me and did their best to assure me that they are still my parents even though I was gay. I dont know if I was lucky… thanks for asking this question, its really cool. 🙂
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Name : Thomas James P. Villanueva, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Asian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 21, City : Manila, State : NA, Country : Philippines, Occupation : Technical Support Agent, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think that this is a Freudian hold-over that is both out-of-date and unscientific. It’s also a common myth that gay men grow up with overbearing mother figures. I’m sure there are many heterosexuals who have difficult relationships with parental figures and this is generally not viewed as having an effect on sexual orientation or preference.
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Name : K., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : Buffalo, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Project Manager for Non-Profit, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Then by that logic all straight people had problems with their parent of the same sex and therefore are straight. Just like straight people, gay people are born that way. Take from a agay person.
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Name : Derek, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 28, City : Toronto, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : classified, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Yes and no. I have had many gay friends who have very difficult relationships with their opposite sex parents. But some have had problems with their same sex parents, and some have had good relationships with both. If your question is wondering if poor relationships with opposite sex parents is the causation of homosexuality, then the evidence is clearly unsubstantiated.
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Name : Sidney Young, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Laguna Beach, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I am a person who at one time was a practicing gay. Now I am not and this is what I know. There are no two people who are exactly alike. I also know that lesb women and gay men are extremely different. Being Gay is not a matter of physical make up. There is no gay gene. Every gay man I have know has had an issue with his father. Gay men (most often) hate men in general. Yes they like the friendship and warmth and pleasure. But there is an anger deep down that is not being addressed. As far as I can tell, the anger often stems from one of following: absent father, abusive or neglectful enviroment, lack of love in well defined ways from male relatives, and to a varying degree, self hatred which is actually a prideful rejection of ones on limitations. It is a really deep painful anger/void that lashes out in the useing of other men. Many get so used to the feelings they forget they exist.
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Name : A.J., Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 30s, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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