[Isabelle R.]

I have always been curious about why gay men use those odd mannerisms, such as the limp wrist, different speech patterns, etc. Are they supposed to be like women? Where do they learn these mannerisms, and are they attractive to other gay men?

User Detail :  

Name : Isabelle R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 47, City : Leonardtown, State : MD, Country : United States, Occupation : medical transcriptionist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[iteki]

Simple answer: Group behavior. Same way as other groups of people develop similar patterns of speech, dress, mannerisms, etc. People from from Minnesota say ‘Ja’ instead of yes, for example, and in any city you go to you will find the local kids divided into groups that dress and talk in a specific way. As to the origins of this ‘style’ (and this stereotype of gay men has been around a long time), one of the more interesting theories I have heard on this is that way back when, it was quite socially accepted with ‘sissys’ or ‘dandies’ of the Noel Coward, Oscar Wilde sort. This was (and still is) a hell of a lot less threatening to straight guys than if queers acted ‘just like them.’ If ‘they’ were just like you, then how would you know your friend or your brother wasn’t one? It is comforting for people to behave in a way that lets you easily label and box them. So the whole thing may have started as a defense mechanism. Depending on who you hang out, where you meet your friends and their age group, you are more or less likely to see this pattern. Older guys whose only way to ‘come out’ was to start going to gay bars picked up this style very easily. Among younger guys whose first ‘coming-out’ experience is at youth groups, etc., with other people their own age, there is a much more individualistic style of being themselves. There’s nothing wrong with the queens, though; camping it up is fun.

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Name : iteki, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Recovering Catholic, Age : 24, City : Stockholm, State : NA, Country : Sweden, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Dorian]

I feel it is likely that the reason you think all gay men have these mannerisms is that that is how you were brought up to identify them. In reality there are probably many other gay men who escape question because they blend into an otherwise straight society. I’m 17 and gay, and I don’t have a limp wrist, or lisp, or speak in a feminine voice.

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Name : Dorian, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 17, City : r, State : NA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper class, 

[Thom24777]

The range of mannerisms in the gay community is incredibly broad, running from the effeminacy you describe to the super-masculine. Young gay men adopt the mannerisms that reflect their images of who they are and how they fit into the world at large. Some seem themselves as highly masculine; they may join the Marine Corps, ride motorcycles or become police officers. Others see themselves as graceful, behaving with the feminine graces they prize. And then there’s the huge majority in the middle. As in the rest of life, some gay men find one set of mannerisms attractive, other mannerisms less so and some utterly offensive. A lot of this is cultural: heterosexual men in Italy and France often develop mannerisms that straight Americans at home would consider to be gay.

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Name : Thom24777, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 57, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Mark Bentley]

First thing I think of is that because someone, in this case gay men, has different mannerisms they are ‘odd.’ When I had a wife and moved to the suburbs to start the American dream (nightmare actually), I noticed most of the men scratched their crotches, belched loudly, picked their noses and yelled at their wives. All of this in public! To me, that was different than anything I was used to. It was ‘group’ behavior to identify them as manly men. Now, I live in the gay neighborhood. I notice the limp wrists on some, the lisps on some, the campiness of some, and really categorize it as a way to belong to the group. We all have out little behaviors that mark us as being part of a certain group. May seem odd to an outsider, but remember, those outsiders are likely to see your behavior as odd also!

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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[John29326]

‘Gay mannerisms’ in many people are not only a stereotype, but in many cases a symptom of internalized homophobia. Outward stereotypes are often internalized, because ‘if this is what society says I am and sould be, then this must be what I am.’ Personally, as a Gay man growing up in a rural, bible-belt town in the seventies, the only images and ideas of gay people I had were they stereotypes fed to me by the media, my family and my community, none of which were very flattering. Even though I hated the stereotypes, because that is how I was socialized to think, I found myself living them. Not until I began to be comfortable with my own Gayness, was I abe to separate me from the stereotype. This internalized homophobia is also the foundation of the diametricly opposite gay stereotype, the hyper-masculine butch man; i.e. the cowboy, construction worker, leatherman etc. If you want to prove the limp-wristed, fairy-man theory wrong, you over-react against the socialized image.

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Name : John29326, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Kansas City, State : MO, Country : United States, Occupation : artist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

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