[Bill B.]

In a heterosexual marriage, there is a “husband” and a “wife,” and the meaning is unambiguous: The “husband” is the man and the “wife” is the woman. Do married (or similarly committed) homosexual partners think of themselves in this way? If so, how do they decide who’s who? Is there any sort of custom or tradition, or is it more a matter of whether a particular person feels more like a “husband” or a “wife”?

User Detail :  

Name : Bill B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 48, City : Jacksonville, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : computer programmer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[aysha]

The idea that every heterosexual marriage includes the roles of ‘husband and wife’ is an illusion. These ‘traditional’ roles were mandated by religion or society, but don’t exist in an absolute form. According to our modern Christian ideals, a husband, as a male, will take out the garbage and bring home the beef. A wife, as a woman, will bear children, raise them and keep the house. This antique definition describes very few married people I know – of any sexual orientation. Like every relationship, ‘roles’ are worked out between the two people. Does the husband stay home and raise the kids while the wife works? Does that mean the marriage is wrong for heterosexuals? When you just get over the idea of sexuality and think in basic terms, then the question simply becomes, ‘How do two people resolve the kind of relationship they will have?’ The obvious answer is, they don’t. There is usually no specific choice; it evolves as all relationships evolve.

User Detail :  

Name : aysha, Gender : F, Age : 27, City : Ammon, State : ID, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Tore24547]

Generally, gay women and men like the gender they have, and don’t consider themselves the ‘man’ or ‘woman’ of the house. Usually, they have different roles, however. In most relationships I’ve seen, one partner is stronger, or more ‘masculine’ than the other. The other person is generally the nurturing, sensitive one. The reason for this difference in roles isn’t based on traditions or customs, but on the nature of the people in the relationship. Most gay women and men prefer a certain kind of partner. Some want a partner who is more ‘feminine,’ gentle and more sensitive. Others want a more ‘masculine’ partner – just as some heterosexual men prefer very feminine women while others prefer strong, independent ones (some even prefer women who are stronger and more dominant than themselves). Personally I tend to be very sensitive, caring and interested in matters concerning the home, so I’m probably what people would call the ‘woman’ in the relationship.

User Detail :  

Name : Tore24547, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : Næstved, State : NA, Country : Denmark, Occupation : unemployed -handicapped, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Jen]

Your question is almost trying to fit homosexual relationships into this neat, tidy heterosexual box, but it’s not an easy comparison to make. Homosexual relationships aren’t an imitation of heterosexual relationships. We are not striving to ‘fit’ into this heterosexual scenario. For instance, my partner and I kind of ‘switch’ back and forth, so there’s no definite line. In our case, our ‘roles’ depend on the task at hand, but even that is not a failsafe. While I have more masculine tendencies and my partner has more feminine tendencies, it’s not something that is set in stone. We are two women who love each other, and the lines that define our roles are very fluid.

User Detail :  

Name : Jen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Michael]

That is a good question, and it was actually something that I myself as a gay male was curious about when I was younger. Through talking to other homosexual couples and personal experience, I have found there is no ‘husband and wife’ – they’re just partners. As far as who picks up which roles in the relationship, typically I see that most responsibilities are shared, unless one prefers to do one thing like cleaning the kitchen, while the other prefers to mow the lawn. One must keep in mind, though, that just because one mows the lawn, he or she is not ‘the man.’ They’re both men or they’re both women. It’s typically only heterosexuals who feel the need to label one of them the ‘husband’ and the other the ‘wife.’

User Detail :  

Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : American Indian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 19, City : Norfolk, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, 

[Gina E.]

It has been my experience in meeting gay couples that one may feel more interest in doing the ‘womanly’ things such as cooking and cleaning, while the other may want to do the ‘manly’ things like take care of the car, yard and finances. I think is is usually just what the individual likes.

User Detail :  

Name : Gina E., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 34, City : North Liberty, State : IN, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Julie]

For my partner and me, it’s really a matter of who cares about it and who’s willing to assume responsibility for a task. I’m traditionally more feminine (I’m the house decorator and cleaner, am more into child rearing and nurturing), but I’m also the more physically aggressive/stronger of the two of us. So we really don’t fit into either mold very well. It’s also what makes us great partners for each other. It’s a good fit – not traditional, but really good.

User Detail :  

Name : Julie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : spiritual, Age : 33, City : Niles, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : small business owner, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Paul Sanz]

In Our Gay Relationship. We’re both Men, whoever gets the time or chance, fixes dinner, takes the trash out, takes the car to the mechanics if we can’t fix it ourselves, sweep, mop, and pay the bills. A relationship is what you make it. Nothing is Like Pancake mix , ‘ Just add water and it’s done ‘ If you have a Friend, you must realize, their is give and take as with everything. some women die there hair red, when they’re naturally Blond, Why, because they want to. Some Wive Look more rugged than there husbands! Why? Because they beat them. LOL, No, no, It’s all relevant. Not everyone Likes to wear sneakers. some of us wear construction boots even at afternoon tea. LOL , Ok, I’m feeling a lil campy.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul Sanz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Akron, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[ShellyStrauss Rollison]

And there are no “roles”. We simply do things we’re best at and divvy up the rest. I happen to be better at things like home/auto repair than she is, so that usually falls to me. I hate shopping, especially for Christmas or birthdays– I hate the malls. She loves it so she goes. But the rest of the chores, we divvy up. Love and Light

User Detail :  

Name : ShellyStrauss Rollison, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 49, City : New Alexandria, State : PA, Country : United States, Occupation : Minister, writer, activist, CNA, draftsman, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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